this post was submitted on 29 May 2025
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[–] FancyPantsFIRE@lemm.ee 43 points 1 week ago (1 children)

“It looks like you’re not using an authorized Oral-B toothbrush head, for your safety your toothbrush has self destructed.”

You have until one week later to pay damages to Oral-B for their tooth brush as well as the reputational damage that comes from a big name brand having to associate with chinese-owned products. The invoice also includes one Spy Device Pro Plus, to monitor you for any further reckless behavior, as was agreed when you signed our license agreement fifteen years ago when you were gifted a trial tube of toothpaste at your local supermarket. We wish you a nice day and a happy Oral-B Toothbrushing Experience.

[–] Droggelbecher@lemmy.world 40 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Man it's not like I want to, but there's a non zero chance that I'll turn into a (more intersectional) ted kacynsky in the futuse

[–] psmgx@lemmy.world 48 points 1 week ago (1 children)

We had to read the unibomber manifesto in college, in a class on terrorism and extremism. NGL, I feel uncomfortable knowing that he's being proven right an awful lot 😞

[–] TotallynotJessica@lemmy.blahaj.zone 10 points 1 week ago (1 children)

It doesn't take a genius to know how fucked and hopeless the outlook is, only someone willing to look beyond a just world bias. If anything, believing things aren't irrevocably fucked is burying your head in the sand.

Where the Unabomber is an awful person is what he thinks we should do. He thinks we shouldn't try to live the best lives we can. He thinks cruelty is somehow justified, when all that's really justified is doing what you must to survive. All the people who recognize the truth and didn't decide to kill people will never be remembered like that prick. Like most mass killers, he just wanted to be remembered.

[–] alekwithak@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago

In his defense he did get MK-Ultrad.

[–] alekwithak@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago

You can't eat your cake and have it too

[–] the_riviera_kid@lemmy.world 37 points 1 week ago (1 children)

You have to be a special kind of stupid to buy an internet connected toothbrush.

[–] SaharaMaleikuhm@feddit.org 4 points 1 week ago (2 children)
[–] JamesBoeing737MAX@sopuli.xyz 1 points 1 week ago

Oh my god, my mom's shitty hp printer never works with my cups install. IT BREAKS EVERY UPDATE AND SHE'S STILL A HP FAN NO MATTER THE PRICE OF INK (the original, because nothing else works).

[–] tomcatt360@lemmy.zip 1 points 1 week ago

At least it makes some sense for the printer to connect you a network. The toothbrush could easily sync using BLE since the user will always be close to the toothbrush while in use.

[–] whodatdair@lemmy.blahaj.zone 25 points 1 week ago (2 children)

My book ran out of batteries.

[–] Rai@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 1 week ago

“Stupid future”

[–] shadowedcross@sh.itjust.works 24 points 1 week ago (3 children)

This post is extremely misleading. The app isn't required to use the toothbrush, the app is just for coaching your brushing, and it's advertised as such. You do not need to use the app if you don't want to.

[–] koper 37 points 1 week ago (1 children)

And why does it need an online account for that?

[–] Rai@lemmy.dbzer0.com 47 points 1 week ago (1 children)

D A T A

C O L L E C T I O N

(I know you’re asking rhetorically, I just like the aesthetics of responding like that)

[–] JargonWagon@lemmy.world 14 points 1 week ago

a e s t h e t i c s

[–] Taalnazi@lemmy.world 1 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Who the fuck needs a coaching for brushing? Just brush, people get taught this at 3.

[–] germanatlas@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 1 week ago (2 children)

"Coaching your brushing"

I wish I was dead so I could spin in my grave right now, isn’t that something people learn when they’re 5? What do adult humans who pay 400€ for a toothbrush need a coaching for?

[–] JamesBoeing737MAX@sopuli.xyz 2 points 1 week ago

Well, I'm 18 and am still terribly shitty at it. To be fair, I'm lazy and always half-ass it.

[–] Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 1 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

having your toothbrush coach you is absurd, but we really don't teach people how to properly brush.
I looked it up a year ago and it turns out you just fuckin hold the head against the front, top, and back of each tooth, and raise it off the tooth before moving it to the next spot. Really we should just stop calling it "brushing" and instead say "polishing" because that's what you're doing.

If you brush it back and forth you'll be fucking up your gums

[–] hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 23 points 1 week ago

"The commies don't want you to even own your own toothbrush!"

Well well well, how the turntables.

[–] hobovision@lemm.ee 14 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I just can't wait to continue my Oral-B brushing experience.

[–] hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 points 1 week ago

I don't want an 'experience' I just want my teeth to not rot away 😭

[–] Sergio@slrpnk.net 13 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Does this mean... it's a multi-user toothbrush? And if so, exactly how many accounts does a single toothbrush support?

[–] Korhaka@sopuli.xyz 2 points 1 week ago

That's normal for electric brushes, just change the head

[–] NotSteve_@lemmy.ca 12 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I can't escape this hell 
So many times I've tried 
But I'm still caged inside
Somebody, get me through this nightmare

[–] JoMiran@lemmy.ml 4 points 1 week ago

Rebecca💔

[–] wazzupdog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

I'm not crying... much

spoilerYes, yes I am.

[–] chemicalwonka@discuss.tchncs.de 11 points 1 week ago

Does the toothbrush stop working if I log out of the OralB account?

[–] user224@lemmy.sdf.org 10 points 1 week ago (1 children)

So, I just got an idea, if we keep slowly going, would people be outraged enough by artificial heart subscription (or similar)?

You know, if we just keep moving the bar bit by bit. Artificial bionic eye subscription, nothing life treating at first. Just a bit of outrage pushed down with "But those poor people couldn't afford it otherwise. We actually gave them a chance they couldn't otherwise get.", splitting the crowd into 2 opposing forces until it dies down when something else pops up, and in the meantime, when all the focus will be on elections or whatever, we start introducing pacemaker subscriptions.

Or you know what, no. Prohibitively expensive purchase price and subscription option with the illusion of choice. Outrage? It was their choice.

[–] BlameTheAntifa@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago

if we keep slowly going, would people be outraged enough by artificial heart subscription

This is the plot of Repo!: The Genetic Opera

[–] wizardbeard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 1 week ago

Statements concocted by the utterly deranged

But unironically

[–] max@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Does it have terms of services and a license to use a tooth brush?

[–] hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 1 week ago

We care about your privacy (600 page policy below)

[–] Ep1cFac3pa1m@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] wazzupdog@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago

The present is stupid.