this post was submitted on 09 Apr 2025
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"There are two kinds of gamers in this world." (hexbear.net)
submitted 3 weeks ago by doublepepperoni@hexbear.net to c/games@hexbear.net
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Hey, did you guys hear about the one about the console gamer and the girl? Neither did we. A little lesson in love, gentlemen: chicks don't dig guys who are behind the times. Sorry. But the good news is, when enhanced with a 3dfx Voodoo graphics accelerator, the performance and effects on your PC will kick the snot out of your console. Thus bringing you ahead of the times. So pick one up. Oh, and lose the headgear. They hate that too.

Imagine if Nvidia or AMD still made ads like this nowadays. If you don't buy an RTX 5090 that means your DICK is SMALL

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[–] culpritus@hexbear.net 49 points 3 weeks ago

glasses-off

glasses-on

B U Y
C O N S U M E
M A R R Y
A N D
R E P R O D U C E

[–] Feinsteins_Ghost@hexbear.net 32 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Real PC enthusiasts just use a command line and have no need for a bajillion gb of ram.

[–] Cadende@hexbear.net 21 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

~~TONY STARK~~ JOHN CARMACK was able to build this ~~IN A CAVE~~ ON A 386, with ~~SCRAPS~~ 4MB of RAM!!

Alternate version:

~~TONY STARK~~ TARN ADAMS was able to build this ~~IN A~~ CAVE on a PENTIUM with ~~SCRAPS~~ Windows 98!!!

[–] Evilsandwichman@hexbear.net 11 points 3 weeks ago

Tarn Adams gets a lot of love, but not nearly as much as he deserves

[–] SoyViking@hexbear.net 15 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Real tech heads interact with their computer through artisanal hand-punched punchcards

[–] BeamBrain@hexbear.net 30 points 3 weeks ago

People are taking the piss out of you everyday. They butt into your life, take a cheap shot at you and then disappear. They leer at you from tall buildings and make you feel small. They make flippant comments from buses that imply you’re not sexy enough and that all the fun is happening somewhere else. They are on TV making your girlfriend feel inadequate. They have access to the most sophisticated technology the world has ever seen and they bully you with it. They are The Advertisers and they are laughing at you.

[–] wtypstanaccount04@hexbear.net 29 points 3 weeks ago

Ads are a cancerous tumor on the planet

[–] Dirt_Owl@hexbear.net 28 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

God, it pisses me off how bald faced this kind of advertising is in its manipulation

[–] Sulv@hexbear.net 24 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

PC=SEX

[–] Nakoichi@hexbear.net 13 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I mean to be fair that is likely where most of us saw our first boobs too.

[–] Horse@lemmygrad.ml 17 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

speak for yourself, mine was the grand tradition of finding abandoned porn in the woods

[–] Nakoichi@hexbear.net 14 points 3 weeks ago

I'm old so mine was finding my dad's stash of playboy I'm the 90s

[–] ShinkanTrain@lemmy.ml 27 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

[–] TraschcanOfIdeology@hexbear.net 29 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I don't know what it is but the phrase "you're a real hot dog!" is so funny to me.

[–] Nakoichi@hexbear.net 18 points 3 weeks ago

They really want to fuck that dog

[–] BelieveRevolt@hexbear.net 12 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

It's funny that they made ads for the Neo Geo aimed at children considered how expensive it was. I guess there wasn't really an adult enthusiast market in 1991, though.

[–] ShinkanTrain@lemmy.ml 6 points 3 weeks ago

There's also this one that's heavily targeted at Patrick Bateman. Spoiler because w*man

Title

[–] JoeByeThen@hexbear.net 6 points 3 weeks ago

Yeah, the games alone were as much as a Nintendo or Sega console.

[–] Alisu@hexbear.net 25 points 3 weeks ago

They mean that pc can access breast images. Or booby armor mods idk

[–] umbrella@lemmy.ml 25 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

does seeing my own count?

[–] follica@lemm.ee 2 points 3 weeks ago

Cue the support group at Fight Club

[–] MarmiteLover123@hexbear.net 22 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (2 children)

Going to be honest, your average PlayStation or Xbox fanboy/girl seems more well adjusted than any of the "PC master race" enthusiasts. Nintendo fans though, some of them might just be worse than the PC master race people. Especially lately with the reactions to the switch 2 release.

[–] BelieveRevolt@hexbear.net 20 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I wouldn't expect anyone who describes themselves by using a nazi meme to be well adjusted.

[–] doublepepperoni@hexbear.net 19 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

Yahtzee coined that term to mock PC gamer elitists, but they just proceeded to embrace it unironically. Probably says something about gamers, redditors and gamer redditors

[–] BelieveRevolt@hexbear.net 14 points 3 weeks ago

IIRC even reddit-logo thought years ago that maybe it wasn't cool that the subreddit used a nazi term as its name, especially since Yahtzee hated that they started using it unironically. Of course the sub still exists under that name.

[–] ksynwa@lemmygrad.ml 7 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

The ad is about PC games having exposed breasts in them

[–] JoeByeThen@hexbear.net 19 points 3 weeks ago

It's a miracle I made it here.

[–] Llituro@hexbear.net 19 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (2 children)

this is what those moldy gamergate losers want btw. this very specific targeted assumption*. they long for 80's/90's cliques, they want to live inside The Breakfast Club

* that video games are played by heterosexual young men with some amount of social incompetence.

[–] doublepepperoni@hexbear.net 10 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

The Platonic ideal of a gamer we must retvrn to

[–] ChaosMaterialist@hexbear.net 5 points 3 weeks ago

These nerds long for (getting shoved in) the Locker.

[–] GenderIsOpSec@hexbear.net 13 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

ah 3dfx voodoo 3 , my first gpu. Yes I am infact so ancient that dust and cobwebs just follow me around chomsky-yes-honey

[–] ChaosMaterialist@hexbear.net 3 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I don't miss having to upgrade my PC every 12 months because newer games crushed my old hardware flattened-bernie

[–] GenderIsOpSec@hexbear.net 2 points 3 weeks ago

Command & Conquer used to overheat my PC, had to play with the side panel off and a fan pointed inside. biden-forgor

[–] Hestia@hexbear.net 13 points 3 weeks ago

How are you supposed to see boobs on a console? Checkmate, console gamers.

[–] anaesidemus@hexbear.net 12 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

[–] Horse@lemmygrad.ml 8 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

worst dom tbh
"I'm gonna make you my removed" he says, but he can't tie a knot, his voice cracks when he tries to tell you what to do, and the one time he slaps your face he breaks his wrist

[–] anaesidemus@hexbear.net 6 points 3 weeks ago

the elusive powerless top

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 8 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

<3 3dfx