More like: "I barely know you and that's a question I can ask anyone to pad out a conversation."
this post was submitted on 24 Jul 2025
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F.o.r.d.
And I don't tend to start at f or d also d must be metaphorical unless you're sleeping with them
(Family occupation recreation dreams is the acronym)
recreation
Did quite well with online dating but I never once got a reply after asking, "What do you do for fun?"
Did they think the question was coded? Any ladies can explain this? Still puzzled.
Just speculating, but the "for fun" 😏 part might have seemed like too-forward flirting without working up to it, or something. I don't know, people can be weird when asked about what they enjoy (which might also be ignored as a question). Like the other person you responded to, I'm curious if you would have received replies if you simply asked "what do you do?" and let them choose what that means, and how to answer it...
Its a flawed yet broadly applicable conversation starter that is statistically less depressing than talking about the weather (climate change) or politics these days.
There are better options, but its not typically about cynical "How useful are you?" probing unless its like a business coded social event.
I'm just asking because I know literally nothing about you and I'm not interesting enough to come up with an original question.
No, it's just one of the usual questions people ask to allow others to introduce themselves. Unless I'm in terrible pain and in the middle of nowhere and you're a doctor, what immediate use could I have of you? 🤷
It’s just a US American thing. It is a question less frequently asked when traveling abroad. Many Europeans and South Americans have mentioned it to me over the years as a reliable way to ‘spot the American’.
Our culture is broken and we are widely considered to be gauche and rude by others in the world.
In The Netherlands this is pretry common as well, heck in even abroad I have been asked the question
what a weird way to look at people. i never even thought about people's professions being useful to me. does no one look things up on the internet? if i need a handyman I'm gonna look for one, not hope I'll eventually bump into one at a party.
Or just asking to see if they're more successful than you
I feel like that'd be a reason to not ask. But I suppose it depends on the person.
Certain people really want to know where you are on the totem pole. I've definitely gotten some barely contained disdain at formal events when I've told people I haven't gone to full university.
Yeah, I'm the opposite. The handful of times I've asked when desperate for a conversation, the results were at best mixed for the conversation and most times I feel worse.
If they're 'above' me that just results in me feeling small. If they're below me it makes me feel uncomfortable or even rude, even if it was just a question. The only time it works out is if they're roughly "on par" with me and that's only like a third of the time the case. Not great odds.
Just gotta celebrate it. We need people to do jobs in every aspect of society. Even those "lesser" jobs need to be done. Even if the follow up is, "oh what's that like? Do you like it?" It can get the person talking and lead to other topics
My kids are starting a new school in the fall, so ive been asking this question a lot. Ive learned so much about people and their interest by just starting there
I was just asking for the small talk.
Been a while since I saw Savage Chickens!
I'm not lame so I won't admit to anything. Anyone who asks me that (at a party) is an immediate red flag to me. "Hey we are all trying to unwind and have some fun, what could make that better? I KNOW! LET'S TALK ABOUT WORK!!!" ugh the worst people. Get me the fuck out of that party.
On one hand, I get it. I don't really want to talk about work either. But on the other hand I can't entirely blame some people if they work a lot that might be something that's been floating around in their head or they're just curious.
Fight it. Don't be lame. Don't let the conversation turn to mush. Say something shocking, open up about an out-of-left field belief you hold. Remember what fun feels like. Discussing work is never fun.
Some people you encounter have interesting jobs that they truly enjoy. Engaging them on that subject can yield interesting conversations.
IMHO rarely yes - but most often a dull, dreary bore of a conversation where I turn into homer: 
Say something shocking, open up about an out-of-left field belief you hold.
I've done that before and even in "oddball" places and its a bit of a dice roll on how positive of an effect it'll have on the conversation. But then I have a lot of... extreme views.
"hello, i believe everyone deserves to not starve"
Fuck yeah! Be that person, hell, be a little selfish - make the fun for yourself first and foremost.
The conversation continuing is fun. If I say something that makes them uncomfortable that tends to end the conversation. Depending on how extreme/strange the belief might even open some hostility.
That said, I agree with your sentiment anyway. Its probably worth the risk just to avoid the more "sad but safe" questions like work, weather, etc.
This is all "networking" is. I refuse.
I've always tried to phrase it as "What do you do?", skipping the "for a living" part. That opens it up to more than just work. It could be "What do you do for a hobby?", or "What do you do for fun?", or "What do you do in your free time?", etc.
Sure, it's not the best conversation starter, but when I know nothing about someone, it's a good way to get the ball rolling.
Best answer for that is: suffer
Really makes a person stop and thing lmao
See my comment here:
https://old.lemmy.world/comment/18418113
Got ghosted every single time I asked what they did for fun.
Huh, weird. I haven't dated in a looooong time, so I cant say if anything would be off about that.