this post was submitted on 12 Apr 2025
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chapotraphouse

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"Whatever it is, I got every one — I got it all right.”

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[–] GrouchyGrouse@hexbear.net 77 points 5 days ago (4 children)

Imagine you are some virulent anti-communist CIA officer in the 1960s. You spend your days figuring out new torture techniques to murder labor rights activists in Latin America. You go home to a Salisbury Steak and four scotches for dinner. You smoke cigarettes for dessert. You probably croak off sometime around 1993, the vast weight of your life's purpose finally lifted when the Berlin Wall fell. The doctors say you had a cardiac. A life spent in service. To make sure your team won. The great game. The only thing worth playing. The only prize worth winning.

And this is what you won. This is who won.

[–] SteamedHamberder@hexbear.net 28 points 5 days ago

Tagline this

[–] vegeta1@hexbear.net 25 points 5 days ago

This should be a post of its own. agony-deep

[–] BodyBySisyphus@hexbear.net 23 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

Honestly until I hear about Trump drinking martinis in a bathtub while watching prostitutes slip Johns LSD via a one way mirror, I'm going to assume that their chief complaint would probably be that he just isn't gonzo enough.

This is why, though I am glad the demon is finally dead, I wish Kissinger was still alive for this.

He needs to see the fruits of his labour. He needs to see the hegemony he fought for and had so many millions of innocents murdered for crumble before his very eyes because the failsons and true believers took over.

[–] QuillcrestFalconer@hexbear.net 62 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Didn't know they checked your soul in modern physical exams. Modern medicine has developed so much

[–] hexaflexagonbear@hexbear.net 80 points 5 days ago (3 children)

Going to my doctor for my annual metaphysical

[–] Lovely_sombrero@hexbear.net 18 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Hello, can you give me one of those spirit tune-ups

Mechanic charged me $1200 because they had to take apart my whole dashboard to replace my pineal gland

[–] Roundeyegweilo@lemm.ee 14 points 5 days ago

I laughed to this harder than I should have.

[–] LaGG_3@hexbear.net 46 points 5 days ago (2 children)

“Overall, I felt I was in very good shape. A good heart, a good soul — a very good soul,” he said.

Did they take his heart out and weigh it against a feather?

[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 41 points 5 days ago

"And Anubis was there, you know him, wonderful guy, anyway he was there with my heart [hand motions] and what did he say? He said, 'I can't believe it, wow, this is the first of it's kind!' my heart not yours, did that, the best heart, like some people...some people are saying they've never seen before, quite frankly." trump-anguish

[–] BodyBySisyphus@hexbear.net 11 points 5 days ago

Ammit had the opportunity to do something funny but didn't take it sicko-wistful

[–] Rom@hexbear.net 36 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I drew a wonderful clock. The doctors, they've never seen such a beautiful clock.

I drew one of these, everyone in the room was crying from how magnificent it was.

[–] ANarcoSnowPlow@hexbear.net 37 points 5 days ago (1 children)

"Even my brain is computer"

[–] muirc@hexbear.net 22 points 5 days ago

What is computer?

"EVERYTHING!"

[–] Des@hexbear.net 32 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

"Your soul has the most robust presence in the Warp, sire. Brighter than any other" - Trump's bird headed Tzeentchian bio-sorcerer

[–] Cummunism@hexbear.net 32 points 5 days ago

the same guy who just learned about groceries

[–] comrade_pibb@hexbear.net 30 points 5 days ago

tremendous brain energy

[–] Sulv@hexbear.net 27 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Man Person Woman Camera TV

[–] RION@hexbear.net 15 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Tbh I would not be able to remember the order 20 minutes later without prior knowledge, so he was kinda cooking with that one if true

[–] Sulv@hexbear.net 20 points 5 days ago

First Trump term was funnier, he is Punished Trump now

[–] Nay 24 points 5 days ago

I had to check the date on the article. Yeah, he's doing it again. Sounds like denial to me.

[–] dead@hexbear.net 12 points 5 days ago

I do the weave. Do you know what the weave is? I'll talk about 9 different things, and they all come back brilliantly together. And friends of mine that are like English professors say, "It's the most brilliant thing I’ve ever seen," but the fake news say, "He rambled."

[–] christian@hexbear.net 11 points 5 days ago

Gonna be honest they did the person woman man camera tv test with me when I was in the hospital with sepsis a couple months ago and I only remembered three of the words at the end, I couldn't get the last two even with reminder hints. Oh well, we can't all have the best brain.

[–] Tiocfaidhcaisarla@hexbear.net 6 points 5 days ago (2 children)

Chapo's episode of Biden and Trump doing this four years ago was so good

[–] HexReplyBot@hexbear.net 2 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:

[–] RichardDegenne@lemm.ee 1 points 5 days ago

Good bot.

(Do we have a good bot bot? Do we need one?)