this post was submitted on 06 Mar 2025
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Clearly this guy was asking about Kissinger (sopuli.xyz)
submitted 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) by crmsnbleyd@sopuli.xyz to c/microblogmemes@lemmy.world
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originally seen on the fediverse here: https://elekk.xyz/@coriander/114114387547043884

alt text by me

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[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 58 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (2 children)

Speaking of jokes for our time:

Q: What is the main difference between succession under the tsarist regime and under socialism?

A: Under the tsarist regime, power was transferred from father to son, and under socialism – from grandfather to grandfather.

Also on point:

A man walks into a shop and asks, "You wouldn't happen to have any fish, would you?" The shop assistant replies, "You've got it wrong – ours is a dairy shop. We don't have any milk. You're looking for the fish shop across the road. There they don't have any fish!"

Although my personal favorite...

In Soviet Russia, everyone gets the joke!

[–] match@pawb.social 7 points 2 days ago

Yakov Smirnoff is younger than the president, he could probably tour again with the right retooling

[–] Jakeroxs@sh.itjust.works 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Can you explain the first one?

[–] boonhet@lemm.ee 25 points 2 days ago (2 children)

During the tsardom, tsars passed power like kings do.

Soviet union, the party chose its leader. There was a period in the Soviet times where each succeeding leader was pretty much as old as the outgoing one so they didn't last very long. It was called the gerontocracy.

[–] Jakeroxs@sh.itjust.works 18 points 2 days ago

Lol so basically most of congress and the presidency in the US xD

Interesting tho, hadn't heard that before, thank you for the explanation!

[–] AeonFelis@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)

It was called the gerontocracy.

Missed chance to called it "geriatracy"

[–] boonhet@lemm.ee 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

It's the same root word

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[–] NegativeLookBehind@lemmy.world 97 points 2 days ago (2 children)

That obituary will definitely be Putin the front page

[–] rtxn@lemmy.world 89 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

There's only one other that could trump it.

[–] HappySkullsplitter@lemmy.world 47 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I Xi what you did there

[–] MinorLaceration@lemmy.world 20 points 2 days ago

With all these puns, I can't understand Netanyahu guys are talking about.

[–] LodeMike@lemmy.today 6 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (8 children)

Putin wasn't really big during the Soviet era

[–] nickhammes@lemmy.world 17 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Born in 1952, I think it's safe to say Putin was small during the Soviet era.

[–] LodeMike@lemmy.today 7 points 2 days ago

*laugh track*

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[–] PanArab@lemm.ee 40 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I’m not sure why but Kissinger hated everyone. He hated the Vietnamese, Cambodians, Laotians and was even quoted saying Arabs are savages (or perhaps barbarians). How does someone who escaped a Holocaust carry so much hate against other disadvantaged groups?

[–] ZombiFrancis@sh.itjust.works 22 points 2 days ago

The Holocaust broke a lot of people's faith in humanity. When that hope is lost it is less a feeling of hate and more one so dispassionate and disconnected that they simply do not care about humanity.

And that can enable some hateful acts indeed.

[–] Pacattack57@lemmy.world 16 points 2 days ago

Racists gonna racist. The people that hate immigrants the most are other immigrants

[–] hOrni@lemmy.world 50 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I'm hoping they found them both dead. Together, in a hotel room with Putin's dick still in Trump's mouth.

[–] AlecSadler@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 day ago

And Elon dead sitting in the cuck chair

[–] RowRowRowYourBot@sh.itjust.works 24 points 2 days ago (2 children)

This old Soviet joke was about Stalin

[–] DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 18 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I think you could argue there were plenty of Soviet leaders it could fit. Beria, for example.

But if the KGB asked, you meant the capitalist pig American president.

[–] AeonFelis@lemmy.world 9 points 2 days ago

But if the KGB asked, you meant the capitalist pig American president.

"Who did you think it was about?"

[–] RowRowRowYourBot@sh.itjust.works 5 points 2 days ago

It could be but famously it was understood to be Stalin.

[–] crmsnbleyd@sopuli.xyz 2 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Surely not comrade

tone indicator/j

[–] kibiz0r@midwest.social 17 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (2 children)

Something that has always bothered me about this joke: Don’t news stands generally have the front page visible, to entice people? So like, you’d know well before you bought one.

Edit: I’m illiterate. I’ve heard this joke before as “guy buys a paper, looks at the front page, throws it away”. But this version actually makes sense.

[–] melpomenesclevage@lemmy.dbzer0.com 46 points 2 days ago

'scans the front page, doesn't buy the paper'. right. that's the joke. that it's for someone important enough for their death to make the front page, which is visible without buying the paper.

[–] qaz@lemmy.world 22 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Yes, that's part of the joke. The obituary he was looking for was something that would be frontpage news, implying it's an important political person.

[–] AmazingAwesomator@lemmy.world 21 points 2 days ago

I'm here 'till thursday; try the veal and tip your server

...and please dont put your cigarettes out in the flower pots - the FSB currently has a shortage of microphones.

[–] ShinkanTrain@lemmy.ml 14 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (2 children)

As much as I'd have loved for the Kissinger is Dead celebrations to have been big news (and a Holiday), it went by mostly unannounced.

[–] prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 21 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (2 children)

Because he lived so long that when he finally died, most Americans had no fucking clue who he was.

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[–] AngryishHumanoid@lemmynsfw.com 10 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Yes an old joke for our times. About NEWSPAPERS.

[–] hOrni@lemmy.world 27 points 2 days ago (4 children)

To be honest, every time I lunch Lemmy I'm hoping for a "Trump found dead" post to be on the top.

[–] echodot@feddit.uk 8 points 2 days ago (4 children)

Trump found dead, circumstances not suspicious says Kremlin.

[–] gdog05@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago

Fell out of a 7th floor window in the White House.

[–] Ilovethebomb@lemm.ee 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Why would the Kremlin want him dead?

[–] DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 3 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

He disagreed with the "voluntary" annexation.

Putin just kept saying "Perhaps you think you are being treated unfairly" when he complained about it.

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[–] rustyfish@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Something similar, I wake up and look out for fresh memes of his assassination. But until now I remain disappointed.

[–] sxan@midwest.social 4 points 2 days ago

I'm in a better situation: I'd be happy with Trump or Elon. So, 50% better odds, however small they might be.

OTOH, Trump could just keel over one of these days, leaving us with President Vance shudder. I mean, President Couch Fucker has a nice ring, and all, but every single time that guy opens his mouth, the more I want to punch him.

I dunno. The list of guys who deserve a sword missile is getting pretty long. Moscow Mitch, Vance, Trump, Elon. Any of them would be a happy day.

[–] IDKWhatUsernametoPutHereLolol@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Wish Granted

TRUMP DEAD. Vance accuse the "Radical Left" of assasination. Martial Law has been declared.

c/monkeypaw

[–] match@pawb.social 5 points 2 days ago

vance does not have the anything to be a threatening dictator

[–] DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 6 points 2 days ago

The Second American Civil War is one of the good timelines though.

In the bad ones, no one bothers to fight back.

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[–] QuantumSparkles@sh.itjust.works 10 points 2 days ago (2 children)

You’re right, I’ll fix it:

[BRO] stops by the [iPAD STAND] every day, scans the [INTERNET], doesn't buy the [IPAD]. One day the vendor asks what he's up to.

[BRO] says: "looking for an obituary."

Vendor says "those are towards the back of the [RSS FEED], [RIZZLER]."

[BRO] says: "not the one I'm looking for, [BITCH]."

[–] Zron@lemmy.world 7 points 2 days ago

RSS feed

Okay boomer

[–] qaz@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago

Good try, but already outdated

[–] RangerJosey@lemmy.ml 3 points 1 day ago

Gorbachev.

[–] Zirconium@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I really don't get it

[–] toynbee@lemmy.world 31 points 2 days ago

The person looking for an obituary is hoping for the expiration of a public figure prominent enough that their death would be front page news. Likely a politician.

[–] dylanmorgan@slrpnk.net 20 points 2 days ago

There used to be sidewalk kiosks called “newsstands” where people could buy the “newspaper,” a daily publication with news about recent events. Bigger news was put on the front page, and at a newsstand you could see the front page for free.

Because this is talking about the Soviet Union, the man is almost certainly looking for a headline announcing that Josef Stalin has died.

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