If I arrive at the park and see some guy in a robe doing this with my kid, I'm losing my shit.
this post was submitted on 23 Feb 2025
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Yeah it’s like when they say “Jesus take the wheel”, do people think a person who lived 2000 years ago knows how to drive?
I fully believe a 2000 year old lich can drive better than many of the people I see on the road.
Jesús know everything, ya hear? Except stick. No one says, Jesus take the clutch.
Could they make him and the kid any whiter?
They could make Jesus blonde as well.
They even put the brown boy as the catcher to provide contrast.
On his knees.
I mean it's pretty clear from the texts that he was resurrected and lives on forever. Most Christians seem to agree that he now hangs around like a ghost and helps you do stuff like play baseball or get a promotion. The thing that rubs me the wrong way about this story is: why isn't he helping every baseball player equally? Obviously some are winning and some aren't, and presumably that's because Jesus is helping some people more than others.
Everybody prays they will win the war, but Jesus is helping one side kill more people.
Jesus is helping one side kill more people.
No my child, Jesus is helping BOTH sides kill more people. Without Jesus, they would just threaten one another and maybe perform semi-ritualistic battles involving maneuvers, challenges shouted in verse, and single combat with blunt instruments. Occasionally someone would die falling off their horse. But thanks to Jesus, the deaths are measured in millions and we all continue dying until one side gives up. Amen.
What bugs me about it is believing such assistance is going on is implying the person being helped isn't good enough to do things on their own. Jesus is pretty sadistic if he helps Timmy hit that pop fly, only to zoom over and help Bobby in the outfield catch it.
Jesus is helping the ones that are less fortunate and are less able, he's propping them up so they would have less trouble in the society.
Which means Jesus is a socialist.
Look he tried to help out on the field, but the ball just goes through his hands.
- Good Jesus, I love you, pretty please!
- Ok, I smite one person, just one. Not like the other week! Name?
I wonder how much free time he has for stuff like this.
Jesus' idea of running a universe is like Elon's ideas about running a company.
He even did a flood once to drown all the DEI.
It's really progressive of them to show a Jesus with Down syndrome.