chapotraphouse

there will be more communists this year

A republican candidate for the house or state senate in one of the Dakotas will literally kill their opponent with a gun during a debate and get elected.

A truck full of uranium waste will disappear. The story will be covered by all news agencies for exactly one week and then never be mentioned again. In 2025, a dirty bomb will be set off by "Hamas" in a major population center.

An article will come out revealing that Biden's aides have secretly been testing his food because they're afraid of Kamala Harris poisoning him. This will not affect Kamala's approval rating in either direction.

Someone will be murdered by a white women for picking up litter in a Walmart parking lot because her wine friends told her that it was a secret way for pedophile crime rings to pass messages to eachother.

In that same town there will be a single article written about an underage prostitution ring being run by a bunch of retired state troopers for superbowl games. No one will read it.

There will be a massive civil war on twitter over whether or not black people need to "take a break so that we can focus on antisemitism right now."

Someone will leave cum on Rand Paul's desk in the senate.

Trumps dies at the debate stage

Biden dies at his funeral

year of the linux desktop

Irish reunification

• Lenin awakens from his century long hibernation

• Alex Jones mocks me by continuing to live

• The unusual amount of Australia-related foreshadowing in my life pays off

AI fake fools a politician who complains on TV -200

Political assassination anywhere in the world +180

Joe Biden dies +150

A VP becomes president +300

Legal battle for whether Israel pledges trump free speech -100

Israel wins the legal battle +400

A fascist doesn't become president +99999

Bitcoin's price changes by $40,000 +200

Retail real estate prices collapse +300

Retail real estate gets bailed out +600

Any once in a lifetime economic collapse +200

Any once in a lifetime weather event +200

US involvement in an African military conflict +300

Palestinian cat goes viral. Israel will try desperately to get an Israeli to get back the narrative which completely backfires with every embarrassing attempt.

Ukraine war will spread to Moldova, crashing the economy of the maldives.

Well see a coup or attempted coup in a EU member state.

Some German politician thats anti-us gets merced.

The newly created American army bases in Denmark lead to assassination(s) of one or more "left" organizers in Denmark. Also just regular army base bullshit.

A new disease starts spreading among cattle. The farmers resist all attempts at regulation, China is blamed.

I lose weight, but because of something bad happening.

A priceless piece of art is destroyed.

Lynetteholmen leads to drastic dieoff of the recently introduced cod-population in the Baltic.

China produces a blockbuster akin to RRR.

Merger between steam and some other platform.

We'll start seeing Ukrainian Nazis doing ISIS shit in other European countries.

The Biden cat is removed from the WH for attacking people.

There will be pictures of Trump's penis.

Biden falls and is actually hurt.

Zelensky is replaced.

Trump narrowly loses the general election, promises to run again.

Biden and Trump die on the podium, most likely at the same time

X re-renamed to Twitter

Hillary loses to Trump's vice president pick

turtles are declared an antisemitic dogwhistle

botched coup attempts

Russia makes small, but noticeable gains against Ukraine by the end of the year.

Sanctions are declared, backfire

German government fails and they have to do early elections, CDU gets into power, SPD becomes their junior partner, afd uses their 20 something percent to get through shitty laws whenever the SPD won't vote for them

von der Leyen decrees shoot on sight on EU borders, critics will say it doesn't go far enough

An additional pandemic

More Gazan children are murdered, somebody (most likely Fetterman) explains why that's a good thing and extremely humanitarian

Vaush explodes and takes out Haz somehow

It’s like 2023, but worse.

It's going to be the hottest one in recorded history

Somehow Desantis becomes president because the world hates me.

U.K bans all pronouns, accidentally makes entire country legally non-binary.

Hillary Clinton tells centrist republicans to Nintendo Switch 2 voting blue

Another ship gets stuck in a canal

Crash Bandicoot movie voiced by Chris Pratt

Trump dies like a month or two before the election

This throws the trump/qanon base into chaos. Some dive deeper into their fantasies, trump isn't dead he faked his death so he could do covert ops and lead the white hats. Others lose their minds and accuse the deep state of assassinating him. There's isolated incidents of stochastic terrorism, but mostly his base is too cowardly and unorganized to do anything, plus they'd rather watch their shows than take any action, so nothing really happens except for a brief increase in funny/sad facebook screenshots.

All the chaos results in Biden being reelected.

Biden dies like the day after he's inaugurated.

Biden's new VP becomes president. Finally, we have the best woman for the job!

America collapses

Inshallah