this post was submitted on 02 Jul 2025
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chapotraphouse

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[–] SovietBeerTruckOperator@hexbear.net 39 points 1 day ago (2 children)

I proposed to my wife by kidnapping her and putting her in a custom built underground cell for a week depriving her of natural light and only feeding her white rice and Gatorade. Every night I'd blast the theme song to Barney at full volume into the cell.

Finally I came down in a mask with a box and told her she had to see what was inside, and sure enough it was a ring.

She said no, and now im doing five years in prison deeper-sadness

[–] DornerStan@lemmygrad.ml 5 points 1 day ago

smh you forgot to put high doses of LSD into the gatorade

[–] RNAi@hexbear.net 24 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

#GamersRiseUp #MGTOW

[–] BanSwitch2Buyers@hexbear.net 25 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

I literally can't. I've made a big sign that I carry out and about that says "LOOKING FOR A SWITCH2-FREE GIRL FRIEND" and I've only met one woman with it and she had a Switch2 and said she thought I was joking and I said I definitely wasn't and then a bunch of stuff that my lawyer told me not to talk about happened.

Sucks.

[–] BanSwitch2Buyers@hexbear.net 18 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Imagining my future girlfriend coming home with a Switch 2 box. I freak out. She says "look inside the box." I look. It's a wedding ring. She asks "will you marry me?"

I say no. How fucking dare you ruin this moment with your little scheme.

[–] RNAi@hexbear.net 9 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Switch 2 is apparently really bad tho

[–] SchillMenaker@hexbear.net 9 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Is it as bad as The Patriarchy?

[–] BanSwitch2Buyers@hexbear.net 10 points 1 day ago

I'm going to say it.

The Switch 2 is patriarchal.

No, I will not explain.

this is actually demonic

[–] BadTakesHaver@hexbear.net 22 points 1 day ago

are you saying I should cancel my plans to fake an active shooting to propose to my gf

[–] kristina@hexbear.net 14 points 1 day ago

Bro what the fuck

[–] corgiwithalaptop@hexbear.net 22 points 1 day ago

Look ive had some bad ideas before but at least I never got close to this

[–] Le_Wokisme@hexbear.net 23 points 1 day ago (1 children)

how did this moron get a first date?

[–] RedSailsFan@hexbear.net 15 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] Le_Wokisme@hexbear.net 4 points 1 day ago

wouldn't know, i haven't had an in-person conversation outside of immediate family in years

[–] QuillcrestFalconer@hexbear.net 23 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Incredibly fucked up but also so funny at the same time

[–] salmoura@lemmy.eco.br 36 points 1 day ago

The Clint Eastwood gif in the original thread is most appropriate.

[–] Blakey@hexbear.net 15 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Jesus Christ. I clicked on it thinking about a story Boonta Vista covered where a dude ran a stop sign on campus intending to be pulled over by the campus cop for his "prom-posal" (Americans, you are insane) and seriously injuring another student on a motorbike but this is so much worse. Men are broken tbh. Not in like a redemptive way or anything we just really fucking suck.

[–] RNAi@hexbear.net 3 points 1 day ago

Destroying countless of lives in order to get faster to the ritual of asking in the cringest possible way "Would you go to a party with me where afterwards it's still nowadays implied we fuck"

[–] TheLepidopterists@hexbear.net 19 points 1 day ago

Jesus Christ, what could possess a man to do that

[–] PTSDwarrior@lemmy.ml 10 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I already told my boyfriend, if I didn’t have him, I’d have chosen the bear a long time ago. I know he wouldn’t do anything like this to me. We haven’t had the marriage conversation though.

[–] RNAi@hexbear.net 8 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Then the mock ICE raid proposal is gonna be a real surprise

[–] Aradino@hexbear.net 29 points 1 day ago (2 children)

What the FUCK

This is grounds for murder tbh. Straight up mock execution

[–] RNAi@hexbear.net 14 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

check the one I posted last year with the same title, let me grab it for ya

https://hexbear.net/post/3001966

[–] Belly_Beanis@hexbear.net 6 points 1 day ago

They're lucky someone didn't walk into the store, see a guy pointing a gun at people cowering on the floor, then open fire with a real gun, thinking they're saving the lives of three people. Like holy shit there's so much that can go wrong here. Especially if some cop saw this going down and decided this was the perfect time to spray and pray a store.

[–] Azarova@hexbear.net 24 points 1 day ago

coming around to the conclusion that the cishets have never been okay

[–] electric_nan@lemmy.ml 13 points 1 day ago

This can't be fucking real. Holy shit what the actual fuck.

[–] Feinsteins_Ghost@hexbear.net 30 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I'd say yes just to take the ring, sell that bitch, buy some Pabst and just get tanked.

What a fucking clown.

[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 27 points 1 day ago

M'am the beer is going to treat you way better than he is.

[–] peeonyou@hexbear.net 17 points 1 day ago (2 children)

didn't watch the whole thing, did she still say yes?

[–] barrbaric@hexbear.net 19 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (2 children)
[–] 9to5@hexbear.net 17 points 1 day ago

Marrying the love of my life at the waffle house parking lot

[–] kristina@hexbear.net 6 points 1 day ago

I think she said yes cause she thought they were both gonna die... Right

[–] peeonyou@hexbear.net 12 points 1 day ago

of course.. this is how chuds are able to reproduce

[–] Comrade_Mushroom@hexbear.net 24 points 1 day ago
[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 25 points 1 day ago

Ah yeah Inside Edition, being classy since forever.

[–] DragonBallZinn@hexbear.net 7 points 1 day ago

How the absolute fuck is this considered attractive?

[–] JoeByeThen@hexbear.net 22 points 1 day ago
[–] larrikin99@hexbear.net 21 points 1 day ago

he is hacking the suspension bridge effect.

[–] vegeta1@hexbear.net 15 points 1 day ago

Y'all should've never wished me back with those dragonballs

[–] Abracadaniel@hexbear.net 10 points 1 day ago

Connor O'Malley?

[–] came_apart_at_Kmart@hexbear.net 10 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] HexReplyBot@hexbear.net 1 points 1 day ago

I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:

[–] AntiOutsideAktion@hexbear.net 16 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)
[–] HexReplyBot@hexbear.net 2 points 1 day ago

A Reddit link was detected in your post. Here are links to the same location on alternative frontends that protect your privacy.