this post was submitted on 02 Feb 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] jqubed@lemmy.world 137 points 3 weeks ago (13 children)

How hard are 6 figure jobs to get?

High School dropout NEET directly to 6-figure would probably need to involve selling drugs or something, right?

Obese, awkward, stammering, stumbling INTERNATIONAL ASSASSIN 😎

[–] shades@lemmy.dbzer0.com 57 points 3 weeks ago

involve selling drugs or something, right?

Q: ΒΏWhat's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?

A: Β‘A prostitute can wash their crack and sell it again!

[–] stoy@lemmy.zip 39 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Nah, getting a 6 figure job is easy, just make sure you are born to parents with contacts in the top leaderships of several good companies and who like you enough to give you a do-nothing-job

[–] imaqtpie@sh.itjust.works 51 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

Meh you still need basic social skills. Even for a nepotistic job, you have to be socially aware enough to pretend that you do something. Otherwise the contacts who gave you the job are going to be pissed off about you embarrassing them.

[–] stoy@lemmy.zip 12 points 3 weeks ago

That's fair.

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[–] Shortstack@reddthat.com 33 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Let's be real, anon would be back in his cave within the first week. You don't go 2 decades of not lifting a finger to being a hard worker no matter what the pay is

[–] rtxn@lemmy.world 18 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

2 decades of not lifting a finger to being a hard worker

That's more or less what happened to me. Dropped out of university, a year of unemployment, then I found a factory job where I could spend most of the time operating machines instead of conversing with people. The pay was extremely average, but I ended up becoming one of the most productive workers simply because I liked the job.

That was until the early pandemic supply chain issues caused productivity to implode, the veteran talent left, management doubled in size, so did overtime (well paid as it was), and I decided my health was more important.

[–] rumschlumpel@feddit.org 16 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Drug trade seems ill-advised if you have that little social skills. Where do you get your drugs? How do you avoid getting stabbed etc. by your buyers and the people who sell to you? A lot of these people are aggressive and carry weapons, you really don't want to be the type who doesn't have the social awareness to avoid pissing them off accidentally.

[–] RVGamer06@sh.itjust.works 9 points 3 weeks ago (6 children)

Maybe Darknet Markets would be an option then. You can't get stabbed through the screen and trust becomes a matter of cryptography instead of social deduction. But you need some non-trivial computer skills and a healthy dose of paranoia.

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[–] Treczoks@lemmy.world 12 points 3 weeks ago

He sounds like he would need luck to even get a four figure salary...

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[–] Th4tGuyII@fedia.io 101 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

Unless Anon is willing to put in some serious work, like properly going back to school or busting their ass learning (and getting good at) a trade, then their life is kinda fucked.

You can't just crawl out of almost 20 years of NEETing into really any kind of job, especially without the charisma to at least try masking it.

Also fuck knows why Anon's parents just let them drop out of school and basically cease to exist outside of playing videogames for best part of two decades. That's plain bad parenting.

[–] FireRetardant@lemmy.world 48 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (2 children)

I have friends in these situations where they dropped out and they somehow hold themselves above a minimum wage job with stuff like "I'm worth more than that", " I'm over qualified to flip burgers", and "i can't move out on that wage". I try to tell them they at least have to work some basic position just to prove to future employers you can actually show up each shift. Completing highschool on a resume isn't just an education. It shows you're willing to stick through something even if it wasnt fun or got difficult at times and can be one of the first signs to an employer that you have potential to be reliable.

I get it, it does suck making minimim wage and it might not be enough to move out of moms basement tomorrow, but after 20 years in moms basement its gonna take work to get outta there.

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[–] Eyedust@sh.itjust.works 32 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Agreed. I NEETed for five years. Never left my apartment, sponged off my gf, terrified of going out. Even that long is hard to get out of.

Thankfully I kept my weight mostly in check and I still had some humble charisma when I needed to interact with people. This let me seek help which culminated in severe anxiety and sleep apnea diagnoses.

Let me tell you, though. Even 5 years is enough to make any sort of potential employer wrinkle their nose at your application. I had to dig hard through my grave topsoil.

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[–] graycube@lemmy.world 91 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

It sounds like you'd be comfortable in prison. There is probably a Luigi to-do list somewhere you could pick a name from and then arrange to join him in a neighboring cell.

[–] TheSlad@sh.itjust.works 46 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Hoenstly, probably better than being homeless. Life in prison as a local hero among inmates for deposing a capitalist.

[–] from_D4rkness@lemmy.world 9 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

I was homeless, and also briefly in jail for doing something others had respected; jail sucks and is never preferable, but it certainly made things a lot easier than it would have been had I not entered with respect. On my first day I was receiving gatorades, instant noodles, and muffins from people stopping by my cell. I even was given all the paper and pencils I wanted to do my art.

Homelessness was risky, but I would still choose it over jail with respect. Not to say that the sacrifice wouldn't be worth it if you did the right thing.

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[–] atro_city@fedia.io 66 points 3 weeks ago (6 children)

Use a voice changer and become a twitch streamer with one of those female anime avatars. Hoards of desperate guys will throw themselves at his feet to try and catch a glimpse of the real person behind the anime avatar.

[–] ulterno@programming.dev 43 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
  1. A good anime avatar takes skill = money
  2. Getting people to desire your streams takes effort
[–] rumschlumpel@feddit.org 20 points 3 weeks ago (9 children)

Word. I've been watching a really good Streamer who makes her own models, she has very little viewers compared to how consistently she has been streaming for several years and how good her streams are (IMO). She has other sources of income so it's not a big deal for her, but if you were trying to get out of unemployment with that it seems really tough.

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[–] JackbyDev@programming.dev 21 points 3 weeks ago

Did you miss the part about Anon not having social skills?

[–] trashgirlfriend@lemmy.world 17 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

"women can always just do onlyfans" lookin ass advice

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[–] muntedcrocodile@lemm.ee 61 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

Anon needs to do some serious fucking work to unfuck his life.

[–] inb4_FoundTheVegan@lemmy.world 37 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Well turning to 4chan for advice is a good first step. I have high hopes for 'em!

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[–] Sergio@slrpnk.net 52 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

I know all greentexts are fake, but:

  • get a job at local walmart / krogers / etc. Try doing full time but if you can only handle part-time, stick with that
  • after doing that for a while (at least 3-4 months, pref. at least a year) go to the local community college and ask about doing a GED (high school diploma)
  • take it slow at first. maybe one class at a time. try to work your way up to 3-4 classes, OR 1-2 classes while holding down a job. keep an eye out for a better job.
  • once you're getting toward the end of your GED, talk to your counselor about your career goals.
[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 28 points 3 weeks ago

And start walking and counting calories today. Cutting weight can happen later, you start by figuring how much you're actually eating then slowly reducing it.

And if you start exercising by running while out of shape and obese you're just going to be too miserable to keep going. So you walk, figure out how much it takes to get exhausted then do it every day you can. I once did 10k steps every day indoors. What was that like? 3 hours of walking in circles. But it was what I could do. From there start trying other things trying to find things that have reasonable impact that aren't so miserable you won't do them.

If you have to choose between dieting and exercising, pick exercising. A sedentary lifestyle destroys motivation in all aspects of life. Every other aspect of self improvement is going to take a long time to see real benefit, but it doesn't take long to get fit enough to notice and it impacts every aspect of your life.

Also numbers are easy to overprioritize. The goal is health. Not some amount you can lift, not some distance you can bike, not a waistline size (though I've heard it's a useful indicator for heart health), not bmi, and not weight. All of those numbers can help you figure out how healthy you might be, but I've seen people walk into eating disorders and body dysmorphia over all that and the fact is you don't need to look like a movie star to be healthy.

[–] TempermentalAnomaly@lemmy.world 14 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)
  1. Take a 30 minute walk every day regardless of weather.
  2. Take three months off from video games. The first three weeks will suck. Remind yourself several times a day that this is for something possibly better.
  3. Don't linger on your past mistakes beyond a reminder of where you don't want to be. Buildingg your character is a path filled with wrong turns and mistakes. The best we can do limit the effects of those mistakes based on our setup. ... Build character like you would in a rogue like if that's helpful
  4. Develop emotional awareness and intelligence. That's a book and a skill.
  5. Talk to people with the respect you want to receive.
  6. Accept the parts of yourself you can't change. You're 5' 3". Stand tall and own your space.

Shittles... I need to do some of this stuff myself. Ha!

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[–] stevedice@sh.itjust.works 51 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

That sounds like a very severe case of untreated depression. I know anon is 33 but where the fuck were his parents for the first 20 years of their life?

[–] ma1w4re@lemm.ee 35 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (2 children)

The parents were most likely thinking that the problem will resolve itself and it's just temporary. Speaking as a person that will write a similar greentext in 9 years.

[–] normanwall@lemmy.world 12 points 3 weeks ago

I hope you find something you are interested in

My life would be much easier now and Id be able to buy whatever I wanted if I had applied myself earlier instead of just coasting and partying

[–] LH0ezVT@sh.itjust.works 8 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Honestly? I know nothing about your situation. So maybe this is completely off. In that case, sorry for being cliche. But try burger flipping (or shelve packing, or...) at least once. In the worst case, you have a better reason to hate the system now, in the best case, you get some routine. Or, I don't know, help some people with stuff. Does not even matter what it is. But humans were not meant to do nothing.

[–] insomniac_lemon@lemmy.cafe 12 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

The last 2 lines of the text make it sound like bait if the 6-figure thing wasn't a joke (otherwise, delusional). Depression likely, if not other health issues that led to this.

I am not quite as bad as the text but for me: parents are doing their own thing (these days, computer time), almost as isolated as I am.

It probably helps that I do tasks for them (mostly sweeping, unloading dishwasher/garbage, carrying firewood etc). Not that I can do much given that I, much like they (who are anti-doctor), have untreated health issues. Seemingly is enough they don't threaten to kick me out (though maybe they know that I would just leave with no place to go, and likely die).

Also it was unlikely in car-centric areas of the USA as-it-wasbut I don't think there's hard-working out of this after medicaid is gutted (not that was even an easily accessible path before).

Maybe anon can lose 50 pounds, get a hobby, and leave the house a few times a month when the weather is nice... but probably not getting a job/moving out with no help while the government implodes and normal people were already struggling to pay bills.

[–] dev_null@lemmy.ml 11 points 3 weeks ago

The 6-figues line could very well be a joke without the story being untrue.

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[–] haywire7@lemmy.world 40 points 3 weeks ago

Clean yourself up and find a rich spouse?

Win the lottery?

Insurance fraud?

No? I got nothing.

[–] Ilovethebomb@lemm.ee 26 points 3 weeks ago

I genuinely snorted at the "six figure jobs" bit.

Poor chap.

[–] nifty@lemmy.world 25 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Dont care if this is fake, just feel like floating some ideas in case someone fr is stuck like this.

β€” try volunteering with online-only things which don’t require social interaction, like maintaining a code base, maintaining a wiki (on a topic of your choice), doing translation/digitizing or other services for a library.

β€” do work via Amazon mechanical Turks or similar services.

β€” read about how to self-care for autistic personalities, or people with neurodivergent traits. Just read everything you can find on the topic.

β€” volunteer for non-invasive research with universities, like answering psych questions. You’ll get some pocket change. I’d advise against volunteering for clinical stuff where you inject stuff into your body or take pills, it’s too risky.

β€” join an online dnd group, or other game group.

β€” don’t talk to people about being vulnerable or lonely, unless you can tell the difference between predators (who prey on lonely people) and normal people.

β€” get a certification in something, whatever you like. Doesn’t have to be programming or coding related. At least start learning for it, and preparing for it in some way. Don’t spend money on training materials till you know what you want for real. If you don’t have money for training materials, do a gofundme.

β€” volunteer at your local library, or national parks service to clean up trails.

β€” volunteer with your local church or food bank or homeless shelter.

β€” I cannot stress this enough, don’t open to strangers you don’t know/trust unless you’re sure they’re not a predator. Emotionally vulnerable people are like moths to a flame for such people. Read about the signs of narcissistic or cult-like influencer personalities.

And idk what else, but I’ll leave it here. Don’t know if the above would work for everyone, and I am open to corrections

[–] _____@lemm.ee 23 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I played so many games from 8yo to 22yo that I legit ran out of games to play, I emulated old consoles. I played on good hardware, I played competitive games, single player. at some point after my first year out of highschool I was like damn I've rna out of games to play.

I guess it helped that the game industry ran out of juice in the last decade or so and the number of games that interest me plummeted (probably because I'm older also)

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[–] victorz@lemmy.world 20 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Holy hell. Even if it was fake, that was depressing. Even more so if real.

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[–] thefluffiest 19 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (3 children)

OP sounds like THE person to found a tech startup, sell a load of bull, get rich off ephemeral VC money, cozy up to Trump and join the dismantling of the US.

US career advice AD2025. No brain cells or social skills necessary

[–] rumschlumpel@feddit.org 9 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Bullshitting seems like a social skill to me...

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[–] subtext@lemmy.world 13 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] Skullgrid@lemmy.world 35 points 3 weeks ago (6 children)

Not in Education Employment or Training

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[–] RangerJosey@lemmy.ml 12 points 3 weeks ago

Bro is living the dream.

Speedrunning the NEET questline with 100% completion

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