this post was submitted on 08 Aug 2024
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chapotraphouse

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Last piece of gum I'll ever have. Now I'll never get into heaven.

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[–] Zoift@hexbear.net 27 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Lmao, I used to offer a dub of weed for someone's soul back when i was selling. Had 'em sign a tiny contract with a prick of their blood and everything. Had like 8 of them by the time i graduated and stopped. Put them all in a bird nest. They belong to whatever Bluejays worship now.

[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 22 points 11 months ago

There's a very powerful warlock bluejay out there.

[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 21 points 11 months ago

Jimmy if you're reading this, release my soul or else.

faded <<--- my soul entering my body after a 30 year absence.

[–] TraschcanOfIdeology@hexbear.net 18 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Remember ALF? He's back, in POG form!

[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 12 points 11 months ago

Is the world ready for him?

[–] Acute_Engles@hexbear.net 14 points 11 months ago (1 children)

We used to trade for cootie protection but i don't think I sold my soul

[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 12 points 11 months ago (1 children)

You missed out, selling your soul was the ultimate currency able to get you whatever you wanted.

[–] SuperZutsuki@hexbear.net 11 points 11 months ago

And if you changed schools you could sell it again and no one would even know that's not your real soul

[–] Findom_DeLuise@hexbear.net 13 points 11 months ago (1 children)

At my first job when I was a teenager, when my coworkers wanted me to take/trade shifts for them, I'd make them sell me their souls. I'd make them sign a contract and then get two other coworkers to sign off as witnesses. I wound up owning at least three people's souls at that job.

One of them died in a skateboarding accident some time shortly after high school and I really hope I didn't doom the poor guy to an afterlife of following me around and waiting to be released from the contract. Even if he was a mildly insufferable Beatles fan.

[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 11 points 11 months ago (1 children)

One of them died in a skateboarding accident some time shortly after high school and I really hope I didn't doom the poor guy to an afterlife of following me around and waiting to be released from the contract. Even if he was a mildly insufferable Beatles fan.

uh oh you need to release his soul

[–] Findom_DeLuise@hexbear.net 10 points 11 months ago (2 children)

What if I do that and he ends up having to deal with a bunch of Mormons? He hated Mormons. What if he's just chilling in the (Mormon-free) Soul Cairn, safe in the knowledge that the jackass who bound him there doesn't have access to an enchanting table, so there's no chance of getting vaporized into Ideal Masters chow?

[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 8 points 11 months ago

What if I do that and he ends up having to deal with a bunch of Mormons?

Okay that's a fate worse than death.

[–] BobDole@hexbear.net 3 points 11 months ago

You should get a soul gem so you can use that soul for something.

[–] EmmaGoldman@hexbear.net 9 points 11 months ago

Oh shit, I forgot to give so many kids' souls back for stuff like this. Gonna have to call my rabbi about this.

[–] ProfessorOwl_PhD@hexbear.net 5 points 11 months ago

One of my highschool friends kept offering her firstborn (then secondborn , then thirdborn...) for a bite of what people were eating. Saw on Facebook the other day that she's just had her first kid, and I'm really tempted to tell her she owes people at least 12 more before she can keep one...

[–] keepcarrot@hexbear.net 5 points 11 months ago

I thought this was about dark souls

[–] Linktank@lemmy.today 4 points 11 months ago (1 children)

This was widely popularized by a Simpsons episode.

[–] Vampire@hexbear.net 12 points 11 months ago (1 children)

The Simpsons got it from the cultural practice

[–] Linktank@lemmy.today 0 points 11 months ago

No shit sherlock.