this post was submitted on 11 Aug 2023
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[–] 4lan@lemmy.world 231 points 2 years ago (12 children)

Jesus was a socialist. Maybe they should switch religions

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 164 points 2 years ago (5 children)

Also, he wasn't white. Which I know really offends their sensibilities.

Jewish too.

[–] utopianfiat@lemmy.world 91 points 2 years ago

The Nazis came up with this concept of "German Christianity" or "Positive Christianity" that essentially took Christianity and emphasized its differences from Judaism, while downplaying Jesus as the messiah and elevating the Führer as the herald of a new covenant. I know we're all joking here but this kind of thing has been done before, over, and over, and over.

[–] ArchmageAzor@lemmy.world 78 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Next you'll tell me he didn't speak American.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 56 points 2 years ago (2 children)

He's also never even watched the Superbowl.

[–] Tolookah@discuss.tchncs.de 15 points 2 years ago

And he didn't like that kid's Facebook post and now they're dead!

[–] athos77@kbin.social 8 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

Or waved the American flag!! He's never even carried a gun!

[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 4 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Or misquoted the bible to prove a point, can you believe it!??

[–] afraid_of_zombies@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Biblical Jesus misquoted the OT multiple times, the kinds of misquotes an Aramaic speaking Jewish rabbi would not have made. And only referenced parts of the OT that were translated into a popular Greek translation of a subset of the what is now the Hebrew Bible.

Almost as if he didn't exist at all.

[–] TopShelfVanilla@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 years ago

I'll bet he didn't even speak in red letters.

[–] WashedOver@lemmy.ca 12 points 2 years ago (1 children)

But American Jeebus is so Kick Ass. He carries a machine gun and shoots immigrants like Rambo without the Vietnamese love interest, but let's be honest that's OK too? /s

[–] FartsWithAnAccent@lemmy.world 12 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] CurlyMoustache@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago
[–] athos77@kbin.social 12 points 2 years ago (1 children)

And he spent his personal time hanging with twelve of his favorite homies.

[–] Qualanqui@lemmy.nz 11 points 2 years ago

See and this is how I know it's all bullshit, what man in his mid to late thirties still has twelve friends? I've never even had twelve friends at the same time before.

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[–] pjhenry1216@kbin.social 92 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Yeah, it's kind of ridiculous when you consider how at odds Jesus is with most of what capitalism entails. He didn't stutter when he said it's impossible for a wealthy person to get into heaven. He was unambiguously against accumulated wealth. His belief was that if you had resources to help people, you had an obligation to do so. If you kept wealth, then you were failing that obligation.

Granted, I'm an atheist, but I'm tired of the right wing Christianity in the US. Any person who actually followed Christianity, and didn't just use it as an excuse to support their hatred and biases, would undoubtedly vote against Republicans, abortion rights notwithstanding.

[–] bluGill@kbin.social 5 points 2 years ago (7 children)

Jesus never said it was impossible for a rich person to get into heaven. He said that it was unlikely, but not impossible.

[–] kescusay@lemmy.world 41 points 2 years ago (7 children)

I mean, I guess you could get that camel through the eye of a needle by liquefying it first. Maybe the same step could be taken to get Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, and Mark Zuckerberg into heaven.

[–] Mostly_Harmless@lemmy.world 18 points 2 years ago (1 children)

The people on the Titan sub really gamed the system!

[–] fadingembers@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 2 years ago

Holy shit lmao

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[–] Tolookah@discuss.tchncs.de 19 points 2 years ago (5 children)

In Matthew 19:24, Jesus tells His listeners, "Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.”

(Copied from the Internet)

While not impossible, we haven't made any micro camels yet.

[–] Mostly_Harmless@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago

Its a true statement because camels and needles exist while heaven doesn't

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[–] RagingHungryPanda@lemmy.world 16 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Like a camel going through the eye of a needle, but he never said we couldn't make a bigger needle!

[–] TWeaK@lemm.ee 4 points 2 years ago

But like, what if the camel was really, really fat, and we name this small valley "the eye of the needle"?

[–] pjhenry1216@kbin.social 11 points 2 years ago

It's unlikely because again, Jesus believed you should use your resources to help. If you do not, you are not fulfilling your obligations. So it's certainly difficult as you need to be spending your wealth on helping, not creating more wealth. Jesus did not believe that you should ignore and refuse to help those in need. This is what a wealthy person implicitly does if they don't actively use their resources when possible.

So yeah, it's insanely difficult. Easier for a camel to fit through a needle.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 8 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Go ahead, thread that camel into a needle. He didn’t say it was possible, he just said it was harder than something impossible

[–] lobut@lemmy.ca 4 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I remember some modern evangelicals saying that the needle is a location or something and that we're all misinterpreting it. I think these were the ones trying to espouse the prosperity gospel BS, of course.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago

Yeah and it’s bullshit made up in the modern era completely not backed up by any archaeological or historical evidence

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[–] negativeyoda@lemmy.world 7 points 2 years ago

"Easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle"

Then prosperity gospel dipshits made up some stupid shit about a particularly narrow gate in Jerusalem called "the eye of the needle" which must have been what Jesus was talking about

[–] DigitalTraveler42@lemmy.world 15 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

They would probably love Islam if they could get past the whole "brown people worship this religion" thing, Islam really seems far more their type than Christianity.

Coming soon to the Southern portion of the US, Vanilla ISIS!

[–] PRUSSIA_x86@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago

I've seen genuine support in Appalachia for the Taliban on certain things. Given the economic situation, it may not be long before they have nothing left but their God and their guns.

[–] Rozauhtuno@lemmy.blahaj.zone 11 points 2 years ago

It wouldn't change a thing, they adapt their religion to their views, not the other way around. Religion is just the excuse they use to tell themselves they're the good guys.

[–] lasagna@programming.dev 8 points 2 years ago

The same people who don't even know the difference between socialism and communism? No place for reason here.

[–] starlinguk@kbin.social 4 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Since they're basically following Paul and John, why not change the name of their religion. (Paul is the prude, John the antisemite and general asshat).

[–] ManosTheHandsOfFate@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago (1 children)

John the apostle, a Jew from Bethsaida was an antisemite?

[–] afraid_of_zombies@lemmy.world 2 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

John didn't write it, it was written much later by a member of a group that had been thrown out of the community. Heretics have little love for establishment. You might as well ask if Malcom X an American didn't care much for the United States.

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