crossposted from https://lemmy.wtf/post/17040404

let me explain

1. only the right has the right to control other peoples lives thats why were called the right

2. liberals are legally obligated to hear all my opinions that thats why ive called the police on davel and several lemmy world mods for silencing me

3. if you never get offended you wont grow big and strong and if people care when you get offended you could develop osteoporosis

4. liberals are close on this but have it backwards its rules for thee and not for me not rules for me and not for thee

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/25960243

dont be a tryhard nerd heres how to be like lightning

• borrow money from your friends and family until they stop talking to you
• lie to doctors
• use a waterpick instead of flossing
• dont wash your hands unless someones watching
• dont get car maintenance and just crash it when you need a new one
• say uh huh every so often when your wife is talking instead of listening

do you know more tips and tricks to be like lightning if so please share them in the comments

dont be a tryhard nerd heres how to be like lightning

• borrow money from your friends and family until they stop talking to you
• lie to doctors
• use a waterpick instead of flossing
• dont wash your hands unless someones watching
• dont get car maintenance and just crash it when you need a new one
• say uh huh every so often when your wife is talking instead of listening

do you know more tips and tricks to be like lightning if so please share them in the comments

i headed to the north pole

i headed to the north pole unaware my xbox had just silently updated call of duty and the liberals just stood there watching me i felt like bitchinbubba and i was gathering my gear like my long sleeve shirt and several snacks and for all they knew there might even be snow there but i knew that was just propaganda

several idiot badguys said stuff

you might not ever find santa said one hater

what if you get caught by the cia along the way what if someone tries to stop you from getting the naughty list along the way blubbered my mother

how could you be so selfish to choose the needs of your investigation over the needs of the swamp lamented the deepstate

do you not find this corruption enough cried the department of education

but i ignored them haha classic

i just kept gathering my sentimentals and other important supplies in silence like i was hearing a song or a tune that nobody else could hear and it was coming from the rising and falling waves of the far right and also my headphones and even as the sheep around me just got more and more frustrated and confused and emotional i just kept pushing and they slowly faded into background noise and i finally grabbed my assembled dossier and stepped towards my gmc sierra

more idiot badguys said more dumb stuff

are you insane have you lost your mind said one lefty

why would you trade such a good thing going for something that might not even be wailed another nonbeliever

we have problems that need fixed here first dont you know the hoa lady prattled

how could you do this to the children the pope who genuinely cares about the children chastised

guess what i did i ignored them again boom

i am used to not being understood and i know they cant understand me because theres this invisible strand of patriotism and this ethereal voice of trump and this magnetized charge of conservatism that pulls me away from the swamp and away from my liberal nephew and away from the chanting of the ignorant libs as they faded into weird microwave noises

i found it look out

i took my first step into santas so called workshop and it felt like the entire world fell below me due to the expected gravity differential and the stars of the american flag rose from their hiding places to greet me on my path and i finally realized this and i could begin my journey of understanding into the universe of alternative facts

gotcha

i headed a little bit more north because santa was several yards north of me still and i captured him and got his list and i found all the names of the deepstate operatives and the fakenews anchors and the corrupt democrat politicians and i arrested this shadowy apex predator formerly known as santa clause so everyone could see

i headed to dc

proof

https://lemmy.world/comment/14684497

uh oh

this community exists alone with solid labels like patriot and truth and other such similar things and an unfair number of people are mad at me and i know ive made the deepstate government elites more than just mad theyve got compasses that always point chad and theyre after me but heres the thing im a patriot and i wont back down so ill be doing some magic soon can you believe it get ready

please do not dm me

edit

good morning what a sad thing to see upon first waking no one is saying anything so ill clarify this a bit

my purpose is to be a beloved vector for the truth and the purpose of this community is to be a patriotic platform for content that requires a level of moderator integrity power trippin bastards cant handle

a lot of my content that seems to fall flat are just way over your head and i talk about all sorts of truths for example the law and romance and bad words and deepstate plots and my good ideas and everything i say is completely novel and unique and onehundredpercent my own ideas and sometimes liberals who touch grass too much just dont understand me

this means i think your opinions and feelings about it are invalid and the fact that no one has shared here has given me a lot to think about so look out

around two years ago i created !conservative@lemmy.world which proved to be one of the most popular lemmy communities ever unfortunately i had difficulty moderating this community and so i decreased my posting here however i saw that i could make it all about me at freeze peach patriots so im migrating this community over there

if you still follow !conservative@lemmy.world be sure to follow !chadmctruthstruth@lemmy.world since this community will be shut down soon

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/25835476

the recent executive order includes ALL FEDERAL AGENCIES

this is exactly why ive been saying we shouldnt be federated and everyone needs to switch to lemmy world because we dont need the government coming in and telling us what to do but everyone just loves regulating their own independent lemmy agency and now look were going to have to report to the OMB

im not an idiot i can guess what aPpOrTiOnMeNtS means

i only get paid $11.50/hr to moderate this community and i dont feel like thats a lot but my mom always told me to have smaller portions at dinner she tried to traumatize me but it didnt work because im built different and i always took a big portion and now this now the GOVERNMENT is trying to adjust my portions and i wont stand for it

what this means for mods probably

• smaller portions
• paperwork
• possibly cool presidential seals of approval
• execution???

i think uh oh fuck what do you think

the recent executive order includes ALL FEDERAL AGENCIES

this is exactly why ive been saying we shouldnt be federated and everyone needs to switch to lemmy world because we dont need the government coming in and telling us what to do but everyone just loves regulating their own independent lemmy agency and now look were going to have to report to the OMB

im not an idiot i can guess what aPpOrTiOnMeNtS means

i only get paid $11.50/hr to moderate this community and i dont feel like thats a lot but my mom always told me to have smaller portions at dinner she tried to traumatize me but it didnt work because im built different and i always took a big portion and now this now the GOVERNMENT is trying to adjust my portions and i wont stand for it

what this means for mods probably

• smaller portions
• paperwork
• possibly cool presidential seals of approval
• execution???

i think uh oh fuck what do you think

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/24329420

every time i tell people im a proservative they call me a fruit DO NOT call me a fruit or i swear to sam i will be so mad i hope this infographic clears it up

by the way that eyes emoji means "yuck im looking at that out of the side of my eye because i dont like it"

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/25456723

liberals are so shallow

i am very handsome but you know what liberals only care about WhAtS oN tHe InSiDe

im at least a 6

im above average by definition but do liberals care no they dont even see that they see a man who says things they dont like well guess what im more than my beliefs and the words that come out of my mouth alright im a human body with MINIMAL back and knee pain can you believe it at my age

i used to bench 315

i could even throw a pigskin a quarter mile but whenever i bring that up on dates girls dont even care and yet IM the shallow one its absurd and they dont even care that i was popular in highschool but i care about their past because im not shallow i want to know if they were a cheerleader or a geek

look past the person and see me

liberals get stuck on shallow things like who i voted for and how i treat wait staff and that im technically married but they need to practice looking past those superficial things to see how handsome i am and hear my cool stories like about how i met george bush once

do you have tips for courting liberal ladies if so please drop them in the comments

https://lemmy.sdf.org/modlog?page=1&actionType=All&userId=17773439