crossposted from https://lemmy.wtf/post/17040404

let me explain

1. only the right has the right to control other peoples lives thats why were called the right

2. liberals are legally obligated to hear all my opinions that thats why ive called the police on davel and several lemmy world mods for silencing me

3. if you never get offended you wont grow big and strong and if people care when you get offended you could develop osteoporosis

4. liberals are close on this but have it backwards its rules for thee and not for me not rules for me and not for thee

dont be a tryhard nerd heres how to be like lightning

• borrow money from your friends and family until they stop talking to you
• lie to doctors
• use a waterpick instead of flossing
• dont wash your hands unless someones watching
• dont get car maintenance and just crash it when you need a new one
• say uh huh every so often when your wife is talking instead of listening

do you know more tips and tricks to be like lightning if so please share them in the comments

i headed to the north pole

i headed to the north pole unaware my xbox had just silently updated call of duty and the liberals just stood there watching me i felt like bitchinbubba and i was gathering my gear like my long sleeve shirt and several snacks and for all they knew there might even be snow there but i knew that was just propaganda

several idiot badguys said stuff

you might not ever find santa said one hater

what if you get caught by the cia along the way what if someone tries to stop you from getting the naughty list along the way blubbered my mother

how could you be so selfish to choose the needs of your investigation over the needs of the swamp lamented the deepstate

do you not find this corruption enough cried the department of education

but i ignored them haha classic

i just kept gathering my sentimentals and other important supplies in silence like i was hearing a song or a tune that nobody else could hear and it was coming from the rising and falling waves of the far right and also my headphones and even as the sheep around me just got more and more frustrated and confused and emotional i just kept pushing and they slowly faded into background noise and i finally grabbed my assembled dossier and stepped towards my gmc sierra

more idiot badguys said more dumb stuff

are you insane have you lost your mind said one lefty

why would you trade such a good thing going for something that might not even be wailed another nonbeliever

we have problems that need fixed here first dont you know the hoa lady prattled

how could you do this to the children the pope who genuinely cares about the children chastised

guess what i did i ignored them again boom

i am used to not being understood and i know they cant understand me because theres this invisible strand of patriotism and this ethereal voice of trump and this magnetized charge of conservatism that pulls me away from the swamp and away from my liberal nephew and away from the chanting of the ignorant libs as they faded into weird microwave noises

i found it look out

i took my first step into santas so called workshop and it felt like the entire world fell below me due to the expected gravity differential and the stars of the american flag rose from their hiding places to greet me on my path and i finally realized this and i could begin my journey of understanding into the universe of alternative facts

gotcha

i headed a little bit more north because santa was several yards north of me still and i captured him and got his list and i found all the names of the deepstate operatives and the fakenews anchors and the corrupt democrat politicians and i arrested this shadowy apex predator formerly known as santa clause so everyone could see

i headed to dc

oh man lets talk about trump and i gotta tell you he is a total genius a mastermind a hero who is fighting against the deep state and the FAKE news media and all the other forces that are trying to take him down

heres the thing

i mean can you believe it the way theyre trying to impeach him and discredit him its just a big witch hunt a way to silence him and take away his power

• theyre just trying to control us
• theyre just trying to take away our freedom
• theyre just trying to undermine trump and i ask you what other president has been able to accomplish what he has in just a few years its incredible

the truth is

the way he has been able to expose the truth and bring attention to the real issues that matter like the border wall and the fake news media and the democrats who are just trying to obstruct him at every turn its absurd and its a total disgrace the way theyre trying to undermine him and take away his authority but trump wont let them he is a winner a champion a hero who will stop at nothing to make america great again

so what can we do

i believe him i trust him and i know that he is the only one who can save us from the forces of evil that are trying to destroy our country and our way of life and i say to all the trump haters out there you are just jealous of his success and his power and his ability to get things done and you are just drinking the kool aid of the FAKE news media and the democrats who are just trying to control us and take away our freedom but i wont drink it i will stand with trump and fight for our rights and our freedom and i will never back down because i am a patriot and i love my country and i will do whatever it takes to make america great again

patriots should we make a freedom loving store for patriots well use the money to fund republican scandals i mean its genius why not

proof

https://lemmy.world/comment/14684497

uh oh

this community exists alone with solid labels like patriot and truth and other such similar things and an unfair number of people are mad at me and i know ive made the deepstate government elites more than just mad theyve got compasses that always point chad and theyre after me but heres the thing im a patriot and i wont back down so ill be doing some magic soon can you believe it get ready

please do not dm me

edit

good morning what a sad thing to see upon first waking no one is saying anything so ill clarify this a bit

my purpose is to be a beloved vector for the truth and the purpose of this community is to be a patriotic platform for content that requires a level of moderator integrity power trippin bastards cant handle

a lot of my content that seems to fall flat are just way over your head and i talk about all sorts of truths for example the law and romance and bad words and deepstate plots and my good ideas and everything i say is completely novel and unique and onehundredpercent my own ideas and sometimes liberals who touch grass too much just dont understand me

this means i think your opinions and feelings about it are invalid and the fact that no one has shared here has given me a lot to think about so look out

the recent executive order includes ALL FEDERAL AGENCIES

this is exactly why ive been saying we shouldnt be federated and everyone needs to switch to lemmy world because we dont need the government coming in and telling us what to do but everyone just loves regulating their own independent lemmy agency and now look were going to have to report to the OMB

im not an idiot i can guess what aPpOrTiOnMeNtS means

i only get paid $11.50/hr to moderate this community and i dont feel like thats a lot but my mom always told me to have smaller portions at dinner she tried to traumatize me but it didnt work because im built different and i always took a big portion and now this now the GOVERNMENT is trying to adjust my portions and i wont stand for it

what this means for mods probably

• smaller portions
• paperwork
• possibly cool presidential seals of approval
• execution???

i think uh oh fuck what do you think

ok listen up liberals ive heard some of you around here say monarchists are bad and thats bad so im here to set the record strait

what are you an anarchist

i mean how the h*ck could anyone hate monarchists i mean whats the alternative anarchism thats the most cringe thing ive ever heard

kids these days dont know what theyre missing

seriously go back to zaragoza or california if you hate monarchists so much liberal

zero tolerance policy for non monarchists

you will be BANNED for 7 christmases if you disagree

ok listen up liberals ive heard some of you around here say republicans are bad and thats bad so im here to set the record strait

what are you a monarchist

i mean how the h*ck could anyone hate republicans i mean whats the alternative monarchism thats the most cringe thing ive ever heard

it isnt the 17th century anymore old man

seriously go back to bourbon france or saudi arabia if you hate republicans so much liberal

zero tolerance policy for non republicans

you will be BANNED for 7 christmases if you disagree

I feel like my post yesterday spurred some good discussion but i got a lot of down votes which I didn't think you could do in this subreddit and a few people seemed upset whcih was never my intention.

So, I wanted to share some actually good news that's coming out of this administration.

Ever since Elon musk took over the IRS i've been hoping maybe something good would come out of it. I mean who doesn't hate the irs right?

anyway, filling my taxes has always been such a PITA (pain in the ass) and every year I have to pay out a bunch of money to HRblock just to be able to find out if I owed or coudl get a refund, but now that Elon is changing things, it was soo much easier!

In fact, I didn't even have to file anything this year. For the first time ever, I got a nice text message telling me what I owed and with a handy link to pay on line.

I thought that was pretty nifty on its own, but seeing as I don't have a credit card, i thought it might not work for me. Then i noticed the option that I could pay with Itunes Gift Cards, which you can just buy for cash at the local Kroger.

Anyway, I was able to pay my taxes basically in cash this year and I didn't even have to file. Hopefully, streamlining the gov't like they say they're doing will have some other good things come from it!

Has anyone else gotten the IRS text yet?

gen x is an ageist slur

the use of this term is absolutely absurd

can you believe it we live in a society where its okay to mock and belittle people based on their age and nobody says anything about it and thats a disgrace and yet every time i use a slur to describe someone based on their race or gender theres outrage but for some reason its okay to use ageist language and thats just not right

the left and the fake news media dont want you to think critically

they just want you to go along with the crowd and use their buzzwords and slang but we have to question the narrative and i know its not easy but we have to be brave and speak out against this kind of language and mentality because if we dont nobody will what the heck is wrong with kids these days

and another thing

whats with this idea that just because someone is older they automatically have bad facebook humour thats just not true and its a pretty sad commentary on our society when we cant even respect our forgotten middle children anymore and look out because if we dont stand up against this kind of language and mentality it could be you next

first they came for the boomers and i didnt speak out because i was not a boomer then they came for the gen x fuck thats me

so think about that

https://lemmy.world/comment/15122437

At work today I heard a few people say that "they didn't vote for elon" and why does he have so much power and I got to thinking that I haven't actually met anyone who says they did vote for Elon.

I know he wasn't on my ballot, but neither was Nancy Pelosi and I never met anyone who voted for her but shes always in office so i just assumed it was a regional thing, but why are people around me saying stuff about not voting for him but they dont complain about nancy pelosi?

idk something just feels off to me like if i could have voted for him why wasn't he on my ballot?

Did the dems tried to supress his vote just because he's a white guy or was he not in my district or something?

Hi! I'm new here but i've been lurking around the lemmyworld for a while and as a big advocate of freedom of speech

All i see anymore are people being divided and blaming each other for not acting right but without being willing to change how they act at all. And it breeds so much fear and anamosity that the changes they fight against eventually come about just so one side can spite the other.

Like, people are never going to agree on things and its pretty much always been that way so why don't we learn to agree to disagree.

Someone once said a great deal is one where both parties walk away feeling like they've pulled one over on the other, and a good deal is where both parties walk away feeling like they've been had.

Sometimes compromise isnt' pretty but the way I see it today is that the compromise step has been skipped entirely, so now people are having their rights taken away without getting anything in return where as they could have been making a deal

for instance: the left just lost the right to abortion, which I agree sucks, but the right is just taking that without any reprocussions. It might be too late now but I've always said that if there are certain rights we don't want other people to have its only right to give up a right of your own as a compromise

maybe if we'd compromised before, the left could have worked with the right and made a deal saying somehting like, the left will give up the right to abortion, if the right will give up their guns!

It hits both sides where it hurts, but also no matter what way you look at it both sides are saving lives.

idk just some food for thought :)

• the antifas have just one entrance for both boys and girls can you believe it i bet they dont even have a dress code
• ever noticed how vegans are always acting all horti like theyre better than us well that part of their culture isnt just embraced they actively cultivate it
• ever heard of epstiens island yeah pure projection propaganda funded by soros himself
• i heard that to be a member of antifa you have to get an abortion to prove youre willing to kill

if it werent for god gifting us capitalism humans would all still just be cavemen living in the ground and wearing dirt for clothes and can you believe it some people actually think socialism would be better what a joke

think about it

without capitalism there would be no innovation no progress no nothing and we would all just be stuck as monkey people and its just absurd that people dont see this

• we wouldnt have lemmy
• we wouldnt have bacteriophage therapy
• we wouldnt have refrigerators
• we wouldnt have the bicycle
• and all sorts of amazing stuff and things

can you imagine

if we didnt have capitalism and we were all just equal and had the same amount of stuff it would have been a total disaster and we would have never evolved out of the neanderthal stage and people who think socialism is better than capitalism dont know anything about history and economics and the way the world works and the fact that socialism was invented by the devil

im an american popculture expert

listen up because i have some things to say about this so called blake lively character

1. she used to be hot
2. she knows deadpool
3. she was in at least a couple episodes of gossip girl
4. i once saw her doppelganger at mcdonalds
5. shes a virgo meaning that we are highly compatible

i saw a picture of justin baldoni wearing a scarf and it looked very feminine

i also just dont like his face even though hes about a 6.5 maybe a 7 and im a 6 so thats a little threatening to me but hes probably had work done so it doesnt really count

what do you think

https://www.newsweek.com/married-women-stopped-voting-save-act-2029325

womens sufferage sucks

women suffer so much because of too much responsibility so maybe we shouldnt give them any and just give them a small monthly allowance of $5000 thats one idea lets talk about some more

husbands votes could just count as 2

although my wife was reading over my shoulder and hit me just now over that idea so maybe not lets move on okay

promise youre not pmsing

we have to know whether people are serious or not so there could be a check box for whether youre pmsing and if you are then your vote doesnt count and everyone knows pmsers physically cant lie because
1) their dopamine is too low to get a reward from it and
2) the low serotonin production reduces risktaking behaviors
however the associated drop in acetylcholine is associated with reduced inhibitory control so maybe everyone should be given an acetylcholine shot before voting

the typical female brain is a delicate flower

voting is too taxing for a brain that hasnt been made rigid and overflowing with juices by a hefty amount of testosterone and everyone knows taxes are bad so we should make work and voting optional for people with delicate estrogenbased brains and mandatory for everyone else and borrow a little bit of money from every man in the country to give them a monthly stipend to keep them from trying to vote but if they vote they lose their stipend or maybe they can elect to get punched instead but keep the stipend idk im still working out the details

womens sufferage sucks

women suffer so much because of too much responsibility so maybe we shouldnt give them any and just give them a small monthly allowance of $5000 thats one idea lets talk about some more

husbands votes could just count as 2

although my wife was reading over my shoulder and hit me just now over that idea so maybe not lets move on okay

promise youre not pmsing

we have to know whether people are serious or not so there could be a check box for whether youre pmsing and if you are then your vote doesnt count and everyone knows pmsers physically cant lie because
1) their dopamine is too low to get a reward from it and
2) the low serotonin production reduces risktaking behaviors
however the associated drop in acetylcholine is associated with reduced inhibitory control so maybe everyone should be given an acetylcholine shot before voting

the typical female brain is a delicate flower

voting is too taxing for a brain that hasnt been made rigid and overflowing with juices by a hefty amount of testosterone and everyone knows taxes are bad so we should make work and voting optional for people with delicate estrogenbased brains and mandatory for everyone else and borrow a little bit of money from every man in the country to give them a monthly stipend to keep them from trying to vote but if they vote they lose their stipend or maybe they can elect to get punched instead but keep the stipend idk im still working out the details

liberals are so shallow

i am very handsome but you know what liberals only care about WhAtS oN tHe InSiDe

im at least a 6

im above average by definition but do liberals care no they dont even see that they see a man who says things they dont like well guess what im more than my beliefs and the words that come out of my mouth alright im a human body with MINIMAL back and knee pain can you believe it at my age

i used to bench 315

i could even throw a pigskin a quarter mile but whenever i bring that up on dates girls dont even care and yet IM the shallow one its absurd and they dont even care that i was popular in highschool but i care about their past because im not shallow i want to know if they were a cheerleader or a geek

look past the person and see me

liberals get stuck on shallow things like who i voted for and how i treat wait staff and that im technically married but they need to practice looking past those superficial things to see how handsome i am and hear my cool stories like about how i met george bush once

do you have tips for courting liberal ladies if so please drop them in the comments

Is this true

lets get this bread

look folks life is about growth and change just like evolution as set forth by god except for disney movies those should stay the same but let me tell you we need a better way of living for everyone

wealthy deepstate elites

heres the deal weve got unbelievably rich people and theyre living right next to folks who are struggling and even starving and its crazy because listen weve got the land and the machines and the people so why is this happening answer me that

a good life for everyone

can you believe it nine out of ten hardworking people dont have enough to live comfortably and thats not right i mean imagine not have a lazy boy so first things first weve got to agree that every patriot deserves a good life period

what patriotism means

patriotism isnt just waving an awesome flag its about caring for each other and sharing what we need without big government stepping in and real patriotism is making sure everyone gets what they need like if my mom bakes too many teacakes because she has no goddamned self control we patriotically share with our neighbors

taking back whats ours

heres the problem a very small group of deepstate elites own everything and they own things that should belong to us and weve got to take it back together fair and square i have to pay a monthly subscription for my frigging seat heater

food for all

lets talk about bread because right now if youre hungry youve got to beg or pay for it and thats wrong i mean have you seen the price of bidens food lately food should be a basic right and nobody should go hungry in this country not on my watch

homes for everyone

millions of people dont have homes because of the dumb liberal housing market and government regulations and these people are cold and miserable but every family deserves a safe and comfortable home

clothing is important too

clothes are very important okay everybody needs them to live well because you know what most people are gross and i dont want to see that and guess what we can make enough clothes for everyone its easy did you know they burn unsold clothes its absurd

how we can do it

we have everything we need to give everyone a good life but heres the thing weve got to stop letting a few deepstate elite badguys control it all and start making things fair for everyone we should each get a turn on a yacht

luxury for everyone

luxury shouldnt just be for the rich folks everyone deserves a little luxury in their life like a netflix subscription and ac because my ac went out once and i nearly killed someone

work should be enjoyable

work shouldnt feel like punishment and in a fair society work would be fun for example there could be slides and it could be something you actually look forward to doing imagine that

working together freely

the best way to live is agreeing on things freely and not being forced by laws or judges or any of that nonsense so everyone being treated equally is the obvious way forward because its not fair when your neighbor gets a free carwash and you dont

what idiots say

some people tell me this wont work because folks are selfish and they say that all the time but listen selfishness only exists because of how unfair things are right now and deep down people are good christians believe me

no more welfare state

relying on handouts doesnt honor the dignity of hard work so we should focus on creating opportunities where effort is rewarded fairly so for example my mom can barely stand to look at me she says because shes so old so that effort should be rewarded too

making enough for everyone

we need to organize things better both production and use okay so nobody gets left behind or taken advantage of and we need figure out what people need and make sure they get it and i think we could use nextdoor for this

sharing work fairly

the way work is divided now is totally unfair okay its a huge problem and weve got to fix that and make it fair for everyone theres no reason old people and sick people should be working theyre usually annoyingly slow anyway

local work and industry

heres an idea smaller industries closer to home alright thats what we need just combine farming with local businesses so every community thrives and itll be beautiful like the pictures i see on that slrpnk community whatever that means

folks this is how we make america and the world great again believe me its going to be fantastic