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Sell consulting services. Doesn't matter if you're right or wrong, what matters is that you're paid.
(slrpnk.net)
this post was submitted on 26 Jun 2025
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TIl, I could do this job.
A lot of high paying decision making jobs could be done much better if they were actually given to people based on their talents and not who they know or are related to.
The hardest part about the job is getting it
This company also advised multiple large opiate manufacturers.
And if you are wondering why the German military is being made fun of so much: it's McKinsey again. But no worries, we took care if it. The minister of defense in charge back then is long gone. Cause she is the president of the European Commission now. Multiple of her children have worked for McKinsey in the past. What a coincidence!
All consulting is like this. It’s a way to offload blame for your decisions by not making any in-house.
Our company paid a consulting firm 100k to deliver the same message our internal had been saying for 5 years.
Oh yes. The board member used to work for that consultancy.
Sounds like they still get paid then!
From my (fortunately) brief experience in software consulting, I can confirm that is an important unwritten rule of the job. It doesn't matter what exactly you sell to customers, as long as they are willing to buy it and come back. It explains why a lot of software is dogshit.
"I can't produce anything, so I'll take money away from other people doing business" ~consultants
TLC used to be The Learning Channel. Before it was “here’s a bunch of children who are being sexually abused behind the camera,” it was educational outreach. Vocational training. Satellite college courses for people in Alaska and Appalachia.
Then Discovery bought it. Fuck Discovery.
Yep. I thought for ages that it was a spinoff of discovery but no, it was a whole thing that went back to the 80s. After Discovery acquired it blam.
One of my favorite channels. I liked learning new stuff. Factual stuff. Not conspiracy theories disguised as history.
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In, fire 30 percent of the workforce, new logo, boom, out.
You are now a fully trained management consultant.
Lean leader certified
"What's your advice?"
"My advice is to not take my advice. That'll be 63 million dollars, please."
More like "tell me what you already decided to do, and pay me out the ass to create a justification for it so you can pin it on us if it's a giant fuckup after the fact'.
"Certainly Sir! Money well spent!"
You have to understand why they are employed though - somebody stands to gain from doing some thing, so the way they get to justify doing that thing is to hire these people, so they come in, deliver a report that says the thing is the best thing to do with graphs that go up, and it happens, McKinsey gets paid, the beneficiary gets what they want and life goes on.
That plus there's a massive incentive for overpaid executives to farm out any actual decision-making to consultants. They could lose their cushy jobs if they did something unpopular that made the news and hurt stock prices. But if the decision was promoted by an expensive consulting firm, that launders the blame. It hurts the business in a fundamental way, obviously, but publicly traded companies have not been very focused on fundamentals up until lately. Tighter monetary policy should have changed this, but the paradigm has been slow to shift for many.
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Legends.
Consulting services are vital because they improving corporate synergy by utilizing market solutions and relocating potential where it is needed most.
I know it's a joke, but executive and analyst are oxymorons in the corporate world.
Don’t forget that they also leverage institutional assets to extract value using best practices!
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Well, consulting is often used because they need an answer to a question. That may be open-ended like:
"What moves should we make to expand our business?"
But other times they just want confirmation:
"Should we merge with Discovery?" (Sure, I guess. Here are some reasons you could. cha-ching)
"Should we split with Discovery?" (Sure, I guess. Here are some reasons you could. cha-ching)
Other times they just need to pay people to give them excuses to lay off people. McKinsey's always available for that.
When Chipotle got a new CEO (Brian Niccol, who has since become the Starbucks CEO) a few years back, they were headquartered in Denver. But the CEO lived in Newport Beach. So they brought in a consulting management firm to examine where the best place in the country was for them to have their corporate headquarters.
After weeks of analysis - surprise, surprise - they determined that the best place they could possibly have a corporate headquarters was in Newport Beach, where the CEO lived.
So they fired most of their corporate workers and moved the office to be closer to the CEOs house.
“Sorry we don’t do remote work and you’ll have to come into the office.”
“Counterpoint: …”
Starbucks has a mandatory 3 day a week RTO policy, but this same CEO did not relocate from Newport beach to Seattle.
Instead, he has the corporate private jet fly him 2000 miles round trip every week.
Seems like a solid solution. Why doesn't everyone just do that?
I have experienced this where I work. There is a consulting company that gets rolled out to make packets full of "data", graphs, summaries, and surveys that always manages to support the unpopular thing the boss wants.
McKinsey:
For when you have no fucking clue how to do your job, and want authoritative, plausible deniability about that.
When you used to work for them and hope to return someday as partner, so you push as much business their way as you can.
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Isn't the google ceo a McKinsey stooge?
So is Buttigieg, but sharing that information seems to be unpopular.
Yes, he is. It explains a lot.
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They've developed a perpetual consulting loop. Genius.
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