this post was submitted on 26 Jun 2025
230 points (98.7% liked)

okmatewanker

1336 readers
1 users here now

No foul language - i.e. French 🤮

Obviously satire, dozy wankers

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] FelixCress@lemmy.world 87 points 1 week ago (7 children)

There’s a free space by the window. But someone’s already sitting in the aisle seat, avoiding eye contact at all costs.You’re left with an awkward decision, do you ask them to budge up?

It is not awkward at all. Tell him to move his backpack (if there is one) and sit there.

[–] BeardedGingerWonder@feddit.uk 18 points 1 week ago (2 children)

If you don't want someone to sit beside you, sit on the window seat then eagerly look at everyone walking past and pat the seat beside you. Nobody wants to sit beside that guy.

[–] LovableSidekick@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago

Or if you don't want to do the eager look thing just sit there picking your nose and examining what you dredge out.

[–] cynar@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago

This works 98% of the time. When it doesn't, oh boy! You're in for an "interesting" conversation!

Use at your own risk!

[–] Demdaru@lemmy.world 15 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I envy your social skills. ^^'

[–] Delphia@lemmy.world 47 points 1 week ago (6 children)

Its actually a lack of them.

"Hey, can you move your bag so I can have that seat?"

Is a profound lack of give a damn about how uncomfortable I make other people. They know what they are doing, quietly signalling that they dont want anybody sitting there. Other people who do have social graces will stand around quietly staring daggers and silently judging, Im just gonna make this shit awkward for the both of us.

[–] FelixCress@lemmy.world 18 points 1 week ago (3 children)

They know what they are doing, quietly signalling that they dont want anybody sitting there.

Why would I give a fuck what they want? They are not entitled to the public space.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] GreatAlbatross@feddit.uk 7 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Yep, it's the rules of the game.
You just ask politely to move their bag, then passively offer to move their bag for them, then sling the bag onto the luggage rack and sit down.
I've also been known to sit on someone's lap when they refused to move their bag.

(Obviously with the caveat of my tall privilege. It's incredibly shit to ignore someone entirely and hope they go away)

[–] OrteilGenou@lemmy.world 7 points 1 week ago

I'm socialer than a motherfucker, and I would also immediately tell this person to move their bag. I think you may be confusing people with social graces and pushovers

[–] LwL@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I just have my bag on there because it's more comfortable than having it between my legs.

I mean, I also don't want people sitting next to me, but the backpack is unrelated.

But I also just remove it if I notice anyone making the slightest indication of wanting to sit there, provided the train is full enough that it seems unlikely for there to be any free double seats.

[–] mosiacmango@lemm.ee 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Youre making excuses for the exact behaviour the article is complaining about. Even youre "ill gladly move my bag" sentence is full of ifs and maybes. There are tons of people in this thread making it clear the behaviour upsets them, but they wont act on it by telling you to be civil.

Stop making excuses and share the public space.

[–] LwL@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago

Sorry but I don't give a fuck. Sitting with my bag between my legs is hella uncomfortable and I'm not dealing with that when there's no reason to. 95% of the time the trains I'm on aren't full enough for two people to need to sit next to each other. Literally the moment someone in the aisle slightly slows down I'll move it on my lap for a bit in case they want to sit there if the opposite seat isnt just completely empty or I know that the train as a whole is.

Do I like asking ppl to move their bag? Fuck no, I have social anxiety disorder, but it's still not even remotely proportional to having my bag between my legs for no reason for 2 hours when there's already not enough leg room.

[–] PumaStoleMyBluff@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago

I would argue that is a social skill even if not "grace".

[–] guy_threepwood@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Even easier, if you can get to the seat without asking them to move, just start to sit in it and the bag will be moved

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] beeng@discuss.tchncs.de 7 points 1 week ago

I go straight there if your bag is on the seat.

[–] olafurp@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago

I just move in and put my crotch in his face and then say "sorry" and people usually move the bag.

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago

Stand really close facing him, with your bulge (male or female) at eye level, in silence, and wait.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] dumbass@quokk.au 52 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

Don't cum on the train!

Don't edge on the train!

What do you people want from me?

[–] jerkface@lemmy.ca 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] neons@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

you want him to cum into it?

[–] dumbass@quokk.au 5 points 1 week ago

Like, I can give it a go, see what it's like.

[–] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 2 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Not edging or cumming, for starters.

[–] dumbass@quokk.au 4 points 1 week ago

Well what am I supposed to do on the train to pass the time? You can't get close and talk to anyone anymore, people get pissy and say I'm "ViOlAtInG tHeIr PeRsOnAl SpAcE".

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] nesc@lemmy.cafe 40 points 1 week ago (1 children)

You’re left with an awkward decision, do you ask them to budge up? Or do you just accept defeat and stand up for the next 30 minutes?

What's awkward about this situation? Just ask them to move and sit there.

[–] Quadhammer@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] idiomaddict@lemmy.world 33 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Wave in their face and point. Rude people aren’t entitled to politeness.

[–] DarkDarkHouse@lemmy.sdf.org 6 points 1 week ago

Exactly. Rude cunt on the morning express? Hold my latte.

[–] pupbiru@aussie.zone 4 points 1 week ago

wave? i’d just dump it in their fucking lap and sit down

it’s okay to sit on the edge rather than the window. i’d even say it’s okay to put your bag on the seat when there’s plenty of space for everyone. it’s not okay to put your bag on the seat when there are people standing. if your bag is on the seat, it’s on you to pay attention and move it when the level of available seating becomes insufficient

[–] AllNewTypeFace@leminal.space 28 points 1 week ago

The worst are those who edge while rawdogging the journey

'Edgers' are the cheeky commuters invading the National Rail network

Posted on c/okmatewanker

[–] chemical_cutthroat@lemmy.world 21 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Stand in the isle directly beside them. Occasionally swing a hip into them as you go over a bump. Maybe fart a little bit.

[–] sunoc@sh.itjust.works 10 points 1 week ago

Username checks out

[–] SirSamuel@lemmy.world 7 points 1 week ago

Maybe fart a little bit.

That's my secret Cap

[–] propter_hog@hexbear.net 20 points 1 week ago (2 children)

So annoying when the guy next to me is edging the whole time

[–] monogram 9 points 1 week ago

Just come on and get it over with

[–] bdonvr@thelemmy.club 8 points 1 week ago

Don't be shy, help out.

[–] circledot@feddit.org 15 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I like to sit next to those even if other seatsare empty.

[–] DarkDarkHouse@lemmy.sdf.org 2 points 1 week ago

Yes! Punish them with my unwelcome presence.

[–] NigelFrobisher@aussie.zone 14 points 1 week ago

If someone does this on the tram I make a point of climbing past them to get to the window seat.

[–] JustEnoughDucks 13 points 1 week ago

This is literally every train in Belgium, I'm pretty sure it has been for a long time. We are anti-social

[–] thirtyfold8625@thebrainbin.org 10 points 1 week ago
[–] sgtlion@hexbear.net 9 points 1 week ago

This has literally always been a thing. Who's "invading"???

[–] Klear@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago

Please put an NSFW tag on this. I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masterbating. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what the fuck” and “call the police”. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image. Now there is a whole train of men masterbating together at this one image. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post NSFW.

load more comments
view more: next ›