Ask Lemmy

37m going through it now. Mutual aid groups have been supporting me and providing me with community.

Its likely those people just weren't your friends or even gave a shit about your situation.

Holy shit man, reading your story was just slightly diffrent than mine. Like looking into a mirror.

My partner broke up with me 5 months ago, we've been together for 11 years with a kid of 5 years old.

I lost it a couple weeks ago now and had to be checked into a mental facility. My sister is helping my ex and long story short no one is on my side. I have one friend and my Mum doing her best to help, but if you ever want to talk. I'm here for you dude.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, it sucks getting no to little support and being betrayed like this. Please if you're in a bad head space, I'll be here for you and do my best to get back ASAP.

You should seek some help or at least find a support group. Churches have them and usually aren't too godly about the if you are opposed to religion.

Also stay off social media. It's only a window into the best parts of someones life.

Men are disposable in a genetic and social sense

Add on top of that patriarchy hurts us too, forwarding the 'strong silent' fiction

Everyone is shitty nowadays, not just your circle

hitting half a century this year, no one except me has ever given a fuck about my struggles

Sucks to hear that mate. Unfortunately with most breakups, many/most shared friends will “pick a side”, either by feeling like they need you or by being asked to by 1 or both of the parties. For whatever reason it sounds like your ex got most of them - possibly by lying about the relationship and break up, as cheaters tend to lie a lot.

You have to think of it this way - if this is how they behave, they weren’t real friends in the first place and you’re better off without them. It might not feel like it, but you’re better off without them.

It sounds cliche but hit the gym, unfollow and BLOCK her on everything, and invest in YOU. You’ll quickly make new friends when you want to 1 again, the gym is great for this. Working out makes you feel good, will make you healthier and better looking, and the people there are generally there for the same reasons.

I’ve been told, and from personal experience it seems right, that it generally takes about 3 years to get over someone you loved after a break up. It might suck till then, but one day you’ll just realize you don’t have any feelings at all towards them any more.

Because Men aren't allowed to feel any emotion, and it's always our fault no matter what. Like how any type of masculinity is toxic and chivalry is considered rude or borderline SA.

And it's only getting worse.

Getting support is not always a given. Try to get some hobbies and new friends.

Sounds like that toxic relationship continued through divorce with her making everyone "take sides" and stealing all support. Can't give you any advice, you could reach out to some of your closest friends... Or, just start fresh with new people.. like, moving to a new city or neighborhood.

Good luck! Stay safe and strong :)

Unfortunately a lot of people are going to assume you have it under control already and/or would prefer the solitude as you sort through it. That's not the extent of the issue, obviously, but that's a pretty significant compounding factor.

I’m sure I’ll be downvoted to oblivion for this, but give ChatGPT or local LLMs a try for support. They are surprisingly effective, just keep the perspective that they’re about as alive as a screwdriver. They’re not alive and can’t form emotional or other bonds with you. Working through issues or thought processes or needed some base level support, they seem pretty decent at. Maybe it could limp you along to a building a support network.

Friends come and go, maybe you don't feel that way now but people can learn to live not depending on anybody for their well being. You just have to find your way and new friendships with the right people will show you that there is more to life than clinging on the past. Good luck!

Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with?

The latte,.been there done that 30 years ago albeit I keft (no cheating involved)

Good licwk amd hope u can come out the other side and not be bitter.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, even with support coping with a divorce and abuse is an extremely tall order. I've not been through that exactly, but as someone who's been cheated on before, and has been hospitalized for suicidal ideation a couple of times, just know that she doesn't deserve that degree of control over you. You're worth more than that, and suicide isn't a good answer. Pain is not worth your long term happiness, no matter what it tells you. I know it's hard in your darkest moments, but you have to push back.

I'm glad you're in counseling, don't be afraid if you need to get with a psych and get medication to help more, even just short term to get you over the hump. Not saying you need to, I just know some people are reluctant to take meds, but they can help sometimes.

I hope they come around though. You deserve support, and it's shitty that your friends aren't helping. This is a bit rambly, I guess the core message is you're worthwhile, you aren't a bad person, and suicide isn't a good solution.

OP, are you OK? I hope you're ok. It sucks what you're going through and it is hard. You got this. ❤️

Hey dude, it sucks to be in your position now. Divorce is hard. You feel all alone and it seems the rest of the world just keep moving forward when all you really want is to stop and tend to this big wound that opened up.

People don't want to stop and see this wound you're dealing with because it makes them uncomfortable. I've experienced that the only ones who can empathize are the ones that have gone through something painful such as divorce, or losing a loved one.

I can't say if your existing friends were good/bad, but maybe you guys weren't close to begin with. I lost my "friends" during my divorce, some of it was me culling people out of my life because I realized they were just "fair weather" friends. I also realized that I wasn't a good friend to them either. New friends I made afterwards were closer because i shared my story with them and they accepted me. That's also why I made more friends with older single people, male and females, those who had seen some shit.

I got close with my siblings finally, which was amazing, I told them how I had suicidal tendencies or thoughts too. My family got super worried, but my brother's got close and checked in on me more. I made time for them too.

I know a message from an internet stranger may not mean much, but I wish you strength and kindness as you slog your way through to finding yourself again. You know that child that's deep down? That person that enjoyed doing whatever activity and got tremendous joy out of it? That guy. If you can, please look after that 12 year old version in your soul (hopefully that makes some sense).

May you be well.

Edit: spacing