this post was submitted on 04 Apr 2025
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chapotraphouse

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Common non-coffee drinker W

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Amerikkkans ... may finally be pushed to action

classic

[–] tim_curry@hexbear.net 59 points 3 months ago (5 children)

Nah bring back Victorian style capitalism. Coffee is now 5% actual coffee and the rest is laced with dirt and my farts, maybe some anthrax for fun

[–] goferking0@lemmy.sdf.org 27 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Why else would they be trying so hard to remove safety regulations and standards 😭😭😭😭😭😭

[–] tim_curry@hexbear.net 24 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

Life was better when jewlery made me spontaneously combust. Bread hasn't been the same since they stopped putting plaster in it

[–] GrouchyGrouse@hexbear.net 19 points 3 months ago

They're called adulturants because it's food for grown ups now stop being a baby and eat your sawdust loaf.

[–] dannoffs@hexbear.net 26 points 3 months ago (1 children)

If you're buying like Folger's you're already getting a bunch of sticks and whatnot in your coffee.

[–] miz@hexbear.net 14 points 3 months ago (2 children)

if you look closely at the label it just says "powdered brown product". are the sticks brown? well okay then.

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[–] GoodGuyWithACat@hexbear.net 19 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I've been saying IRL that Trump is gonna bring back lead and asbestos to save the American economy.

[–] dannoffs@hexbear.net 20 points 3 months ago (5 children)

I mean, he literally thinks the laws against asbestos are a mafia conspiracy.

[–] GoodGuyWithACat@hexbear.net 15 points 3 months ago

My president joker-amerikkklap

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[–] Wertheimer@hexbear.net 18 points 3 months ago (2 children)

farts

Are you an Asian palm civet? Because there will be tariffs on you, too.

[–] tim_curry@hexbear.net 24 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] miz@hexbear.net 17 points 3 months ago

I love this website

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[–] corgiwithalaptop@hexbear.net 56 points 3 months ago

300 years in the future

History teacher: "and that is what kicked off what we call the Coffee Rebellion in what was then the United States."

[–] SuperZutsuki@hexbear.net 50 points 3 months ago

This is the end result of Mormons accounting for like half of the FBI/CIA. Non-caffeinated patriots are in control.

[–] invo_rt@hexbear.net 47 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (2 children)

Me, the espresso enjoyer miyazaki-pain

Coffee is already in a tenuous position due to climate change and its effect on suitable grow zones. Tariffs are just the cherry on top.

[–] Posadas@hexbear.net 32 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Are you ready for ze decaffeinated world order

[–] anaesidemus@hexbear.net 26 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] GiorgioBoymoder@hexbear.net 19 points 3 months ago (3 children)

not as vulnerable, fortunately.

source? made-it-the-fuck-up

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[–] Cimbazarov@hexbear.net 37 points 3 months ago

Never underestimate the burgerreich's ability to avoid doing anything that's mildly inconvenient treatler

[–] EstraDoll@hexbear.net 36 points 3 months ago (2 children)

no trust me. the highly productive Kona region will supply the entire American market now that they don't have to compete with those inferior imports

[–] dannoffs@hexbear.net 23 points 3 months ago

That's not fair, there's also Puerto Rico and whatever the fuck Jason Mraz is doing in Santa Barbara.

[–] Spongebobsquarejuche@hexbear.net 17 points 3 months ago (6 children)
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[–] Jabril@hexbear.net 34 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Americans will just switch to Celsius or whatever energy drinks. They won't do shit about losing treats aside from complain and pray for Kamala to bring them back in a few years

[–] FloridaBoi@hexbear.net 21 points 3 months ago (2 children)

The caffeine in energy drinks I think comes from the decaffeination process for decaf coffee

[–] Jabril@hexbear.net 15 points 3 months ago

lt comes from guarana, but either way it is processed somewhere else and incredibly cheap to produce and ship in this form. Not like fresh, heavy beans

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[–] SuperZutsuki@hexbear.net 20 points 3 months ago (8 children)

Those will also increase in price with tariffs on countries that supply aluminum and the ingredients to make that slop

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[–] MaxOS@hexbear.net 32 points 3 months ago (5 children)

Black Rifle Coffee will be exempt from the tariffs

[–] FloridaBoi@hexbear.net 22 points 3 months ago

The only black life that matters

[–] Tabitha@hexbear.net 18 points 3 months ago

sounds like a great place to hang out once we run out of tesla dealerships.

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[–] TrustedFeline@hexbear.net 31 points 3 months ago

January 6th, but at Dunkin HQ

[–] Evilphd666@hexbear.net 31 points 3 months ago

sergey-chad Engineers run on coffee.

frothingfash CHUDs run on Beer.

meow-coffee No coffee. No water. meow-tableflip

No water. No beer. all-my-apes-gone

[–] peppersky@hexbear.net 29 points 3 months ago (2 children)

They'll drink those coffee alternatives people in the civil war drank with caffeine tablets mixed in

[–] GrouchyGrouse@hexbear.net 19 points 3 months ago

Nothing like a hot cup of chicory in the morning while smoking a cheroot.

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[–] vegeta1@hexbear.net 27 points 3 months ago

So this is how the coffee party was formed

[–] dannoffs@hexbear.net 21 points 3 months ago

For commodity coffee a random 30% increase is just a Tuesday. The C price has almost quadrupled in the past 5 years and fluctuates wildly. It jumped 30% from December to February and is down 15% from a month ago.

Where the tariffs will really increase prices is any roasteries that are actually paying ethical prices based on cost of production to begin with. The chuds that would revolt already aren't going to those shops.

[–] Lyudmila@hexbear.net 19 points 3 months ago (1 children)

No you guise, you don't understand!

This is gonna make prices lower somehow because The Communists (Jeff Bezos, Mike Walmart) will accept lower profits and then all the other Bad Countries will come groveling for the Best Trade Deals Ever!

please-save-me

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[–] tripartitegraph@hexbear.net 17 points 3 months ago

The beans I usually buy in bulk from a local roaster have gone up 25% in the last couple years for me. And I purposefully bought the cheaper ones. It sucks lmao

[–] bbnh69420@hexbear.net 15 points 3 months ago (1 children)
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