RiotDoll

joined 9 months ago
[–] RiotDoll@hexbear.net 2 points 1 month ago

[staring at the apocryphon of john with dead & tired eyes] the material world is of the archons and anybody in the apparatus of worldly power either works for or is possessed by someone who is in their court.

[–] RiotDoll@hexbear.net 32 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

i'm trans and probably of-stock but i gotta say i'm a chaotic petty meanie who absolutely wants to be in the ear of people with my opinions and i am not loyal to a damn thing except what i think is good so

bring back eunuch advisors but if i tell you your shit is wack and you keep doing it just assume the knife is coming.

[–] RiotDoll@hexbear.net 8 points 1 month ago

one of the best games ever made

[–] RiotDoll@hexbear.net 14 points 1 month ago

i buddy up with evil out of like, what, spite? nah, there are other roads but maybe this satan guy has some good points that could win in the marketplace of ideas...

[–] RiotDoll@hexbear.net 21 points 1 month ago (4 children)

i would need to know what Satan himself is about tbqh but i wouldn't rule this out either.

[–] RiotDoll@hexbear.net 19 points 1 month ago (1 children)

they're gonna bring back feudal society but with the masses bound to corporate entities, arent they?

the fascism of the 21st century is being owned by a corporate lord and living on your work site isnt it?

[–] RiotDoll@hexbear.net 18 points 1 month ago (1 children)

There's a masculine emotional undercurrent to the godfather that i could relate to when i was a teenager in puberty but as a trans woman just feels alien and clownish to me

like the truth of that movie is somewhere in the unresolved male ego and the compensation thereof and i can't vibe on it anymore.

[–] RiotDoll@hexbear.net 60 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (8 children)

it's not for lack of trying, but the far right doesn't deal with wreckers and state interference to the same degree the left does.

the left is also less willing to abuse human psychology to get people under the banner.

we can be like them, but we have to start getting left wing sympathetic people on board with things that traditionally the left finds abhorrent in this country.

A lot of little and big rubicons to cross culturally before we can have organizing like that.

specifically about the use of force and discipline around organizing. people need to accept enough hierarchy to be able to take orders, to be willing to do what it takes to keep your movement and your comrades safe.

acceptance that we've been at war for decades now, but haven't been acting like it. It's time to treat this like war and i think a lot of leftists are still not there in the USA w/r/t accepting that.

[–] RiotDoll@hexbear.net 10 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Do you think so? I think what we are internally isn't fully dependent on memory and reference, there is some element of us that just is, for at least as long as we're alive. Behind your eyes and resting within your interior is a spark of something that has existed continuously since you were born, that little "I" of awareness may never change.

It's always you imo. You can go through mk ultra style brainwashing, lose your sense of identity, find yourself under a new name and with new interests, but between who you were and who you are, are enough commonalities that I would dispute the notion we're just electrical signals in wet gooey meat endlessly referencing the past to navigate the present and anticipate the future - but that's me.

[–] RiotDoll@hexbear.net 23 points 1 month ago (8 children)

i think these questions are really uninteresting if you're gonna insist on being purely rational materialist about it, but i think it gets more interesting when you're willing to play with what reality might be a little more. There are religious motifs that repeat in many cultures about the eternal reocurrence. This idea that earth is made and destroyed in countless infinite, repeating cycles.

What if you and I have been going at this for a while?

But if you want the answers science can give right now, probably not

[–] RiotDoll@hexbear.net 33 points 1 month ago (3 children)

It's weird to only be involved exoterically on this site i guess is one way to put it? I really don't wade into drama threads, i don't exist in the deeper social network here. I just browse the pages, and the closest thing to drama I indulge in is like, when someone from a lemmy instance with liberal brain rot wades in and demands group humiliation from us.

I can tell it's impacting the user base, and the activity level, and I do want to ask the mods what's going on in the back end? Because the number of drama bombs going off behind the scenes that leaks out into the instance as a whole is probably beyond what's necessary - this shouldn't be happening like this y'all.

Like, to me an ideal mod-admin cadre exists to facilitate discussion inside some parameters, like a set of rules and conventions for behavior. Hexbear is leftist, and has a sizeable contingent of serious leftists, so I understand that comes with some of the tensions these spaces have in real life, and is prone to wrecking and power tripping and all that stuff - I think leftists expect some of that.

But it's happening an awful lot, and it's fucking things up - so structurally something should probably change, I just can't comment on specifics. I am just certain that unity of intention and purpose, and being even handed and consistent with enforcement does prevent a lot of what's happening. The fat-phobia stuff should not be happening, and it didn't need to go this far. I am transfemme and I have traumatic history with cis men and toxic masculinity - i struggle to be nice about men to be very delicate about it - but some of what flies here is just toxic to a healthy community in that regard. I say that with the hopeful understanding that as a transfemme woman I really do not want any cis men coddled over their identity and perceived oppression, but it still gets kinda wack here in that regard.

If this site wants to go that direction, i even think that would be fine, but consistency and, again, not letting drama be aired like, on the main page, is important because it's the kind of drama that makes people nope out, and regardless of merit, that shit kills the site, and i don't think hexbear deserves that as a place or community.

I'm gonna try to limit this post to all I say on this. I generally like the moderation and administration here - but something is clearly wrong, and some kind of overhaul in hierarchy, vetting, and autonomy needs to be reviewed.

[–] RiotDoll@hexbear.net 2 points 1 month ago

Paulson & Grease Gum My Balls

 

My insurance just decided to stop covering my HRT and i'm trying to raise money for it. I'm bumming shots off a friend right now and a) I hate shots b) i don't want to have to rely on their supply longer than i have to. c) the high variability in estrogen day to day is making me less stable mentally and it's disrupting everything

if you can help, thank you.

venmo/paypal is @ktkatte

thanks

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submitted 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) by RiotDoll@hexbear.net to c/mutual_aid@hexbear.net
 

my last one didn't work out, but I still really need some help getting some groceries.

If you can sapre $25, it'll get me a few days of food and that'll help me immensely right now. I have no job and things are kind of dire right now.

pm me for any app handles

 

My mom has been severely disabled for honestly more of my life than she's been healthy at this point. It goes back to 2005. She's 61 right now, her brain is kinda addled from oxygen depriv and a lot of medical events, so idk what her finances look like but I can guess she needs more help than she's let on. Her phones are off, her gas is off, and a bundle of other shit is cutting off. I didn't know this till yesterday. she's in the hospital (which is fairly normal tbh). Her fixed income runs at a loss just paying bills and eating as little as possible, and her family are kind of worthless maga shitheads who think this is all somehow her fault. My dad's a deadbeat and they're divorced anyway, she's single, however support amounts to what him, my sister, and myself can divert to her, which is well short of what she needs, especially since right now i'm also dependent on outside help to be solvent.

I'm going down to texas to probably say my goodbyes to my grandfather, who is dying rapidly. My family is mostly dirt poor, and organizing my airfare has drained the people who can actually help her. However, I kind of need her in the loop because her place is 1/2 of my shelter down there for this stay. I can work around no gas for cooking, but I can't really do much with her if i can't communicate with her.

She can restore her phone service for $280. I have no idea about gas, but she asked for $500 total yesterday, which just isn't fucking possible for me. Neither number is something I can really deliver, but I figured i'd try here.

With that phone off, she can't even really get the help she needs. She has one dirt poor ride or die neighbor friend, and i believe she'll do what she can, but there's really no support network here if she's fully cut off from me and my sister. She relies on us to get her any extra support, be that with talking to family or negotiating rides and help from friends, it's all kinda on us, and we do it from hundreds, and thousands, of miles away so we are super limited.

Starting to think i need to set my shit aside and go back in the closet to live with and help her, but I can't do that just yet. I'm just trying to make sure i'm in communication for the month i'll be in the area if at all possible, but I can't make that happen without external help.

If you can help, anything i get sent right now will go to her bills

i can furnish details in private message.

not sure what i'm expecting but i gotta try i guess.

1
submitted 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) by RiotDoll@hexbear.net to c/mutual_aid@hexbear.net
 

thanks

1
submitted 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) by RiotDoll@hexbear.net to c/mutual_aid@hexbear.net
 

I hurt my back trying to work out yesterday (son of a bitch)

I can barely move, and i have no ibuprofen or anything here.

I also need food, and because i'm gonna have to walk my ass to the same store either way I'd like to handle both things if possible, but i'm totally broke as shit.

if you can help, it would mean a lot. I have about $3 in total between my card and change, and that's not enough to get anything.

edit: thank you!!!! this community is very kind.

 

It was as easy as reformatting a usb stick, changing the boot order and turning off bitlocker, which was on for some reason?? but i havent used linux since, i dunno Mandrake 10? I was a kid, and it has been ages. It changed to mandriva about a year or two after i bought their CD set.

anyway I'm decently competent at computers i guess? i occasionally do stuff in powershell on windows, and the terminal or w/e seems neat. I used to do more coding, a skill i refreshed and picked up during quarantine. I'm mostly familiar with Microsoft's .net stuff though.

i shoved vs code and some stuff on it, but like, what's needed to kind of, well, replace a windows desktop? I gave it a 300gb partition, which is 30% of my available space, so i need to use this thing.

I am mostly getting peeved as shit and annoyed by Microsoft's increasingly aggressive "we gotta force people to upgrade, gotta shove horseshit AI nonsense on our stuff, gotta re-enable ads on the desktop" bullshit. I even paid for windows 10 pro, this isn't a free license, and it's still a nightmare in this way and frankly i'm done. the appeal of starting with a fairly barebones OS (i'm aware i can go much more stripped down with OSes like this, not the point) is intense right now.

but i realize now i genuinely know jack shit about dick outside of microsoft and android environments and i want advice.

The laptop itself is mostly a niche use laptop, but while I'm not an advanced dork in these matters, i probably know enough to leverage it to replace windows if i can know what the strengths of this platform are, what the good software is for software development (is Code gonna be it?), whether Wine is still the emulation software of choice, that stuff.

One thing I'd really like to do is learn what the default install of Mint+Cinnamon is doing, how to go over the different components, how to pick and choose what i want this thing doing. I didn't find the official documentation overly helpful, troubleshooting the install aside, so i wanted to ask here

If i can get there, and get some windows based software running that I need, i'll ditch the windows partition entirely, and i'd like to get there.

 

i'm on medicaid, but basically nowhere accepts my eye coverage. i've spent a few weeks looking, because my glasses are currently failing more and more by the day and slipping out of useability (the right lens' bottom support snapped out and the rest of the frame is getting worse and worse at fighting gravity)

I am extremely farsighted, and without my glasses, most daily tasks are an impossible blur.

I haven't had my eyes examined in years, but I can re-buy the pair I've had since 2020 for just north of $75 on zenni, and that's probably what i'm gonna have to do if I can raise the funds.

I've been living off donations for a while now, so if anybody can help, you'd save my ability to do basically anything. It'd be much appreciated.


The amount has been received. thank you!!!!!!!
 

hey so, i'm a transfemme, i have trouble getting work on a good day. It's july, and I need any financial help that can be spared. I've been out of work a while. I get interviews, at a rate of about 2 a month, with daily applications over several apps and honest to got footwork and old school physical applications.

It has never been this hard to get a job, my physical body hasn't changed, my demeanor is what it always has been, but these interviews go nowhere. There is never followup. I am never selected to move forward.

It's extremely demoralizing, and I've more or less exhausted the good will (and economic ability) of my family and friends after needing help for this long. I'm embarassed. Capitalism expects us to work, and I'm even willing, but the work isn't coming and I guess to most people it starts to seem like a personal issue. Maybe it is? But I'm genuinely trying everything I can, and I'm still on the fucking precipice.

phone is $80, i need at least $50 on electric, but the entire bill is $300 rn. I can go without cable, but that's another $100 to keep on

If you can help, it would mean a lot. I can't reasonably expect anything, but I have to try.

venmo is @ktkatte, pm me for any other apps

Thanks for anything. Love you all.

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submitted 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) by RiotDoll@hexbear.net to c/games@hexbear.net
 

First of all, I wasn't really a big kojima gal? I had played the first and a bit of the fifth MGS until earlier this year, where i finally finished MGS V

i realized it is an extremely precient and political game, and I think i like kojima's brand of crazy.

So then I read about death stranding. I saw the promo footage years ago, and it followed that cutscene where Deadman finds himself on that combat beach, and I assumed it was more action heavy bs that I was growing out of (hormones change your tastes what can i say), so i completely ignored it until i grabbed it on a whim recently

and anyway, WOW! so I fucking love this game. Everything is so weird. Astrology and esoterica are canon, everything is a fucking insane metaphor for something else, the world has been utterly bent the fuck over by cataclysm, and you're just a dude out there with your artificial womb, making deliveries and linking up the remnants of humanity.

I love the vibe of these little communities and holdout preppers coming together, sharing what they have to move forward into a post-cataclysmic future. I love all the stupid shit with Lockne & Malingen, I love the bridge babies, i love that one of the most potent weapons in the game is made by running around until you're so tired you piss blood, and that bloody piss gets turned into a grenade. I love having weaponized body fluids. This shit owns.

I'm not even sure death stranding 2 can live up to this.

also the multiplayer features can be a bit much (I have it set up to log in offline and to not automatically share structures because people will just spam structures in the most annoying fucking places, but they're also awesome.

I love how much cooperation and community effort is the front and foremost thing, to the point it's literally one of the stats the game tracks.

Sorry, I needed to gush about how rad this game is, years after its heyday

edit: Also if anybody is currently playing and wants to form strand contracts, i'm on the Steam PC version. I'd rather see like, specific people's stuff in my game world than like, random people's.

Right now i use strand contracts with inactive friends to sort of make it less likely i get six bridges in a forest when i go online, but i'd actually enjoy building the world map out with some people. Not gonna put my steam id out in public though, pm me for all that

 

a caveat that maybe state and municipal government is still somewhat democratically functional, like at that low level enough of the day to day of administering people's lives is delegated to actual democratic authority maybe

but then i look at stuff like the debate (i didn't actually watch the debate i respect myself too much) and i look at how stuff happens and how it like doesn't seem to matter at all who is in power for the average person. Like it's pretty obvious that there is corporate and wealth buy-in for domestic policy, and think tanks and stuff that set a social agenda to some degree, and I guess the democratic apparatus serves to enable that buy-in, but on the federal level it really feels like voting happens at all merely to provide a democratic legitimacy to stuff that's actually decided entirely by unelected bureaucrats and moneyed interests that are either employed by the state or privately, right?

everything connected to voting is there to give social consent right? if you vote you assent to the legitimacy of the government - and this is like, its sole function? because if not enough people did that, and people actually didn't believe in the legitimacy of the government, there might actually be a problem I guess?

Like how can we think it actually matters which of these guys [the goo brain prez candidates] ends up elected from the pov of an average person? womens and queer rights are dissolving before our eyes regardless in most places, labor rights movements get stomped the fuck out the second they start to do anything interesting, and the few state bastions of safety come from the fact that local governments still sometimes represent citizen priority in some limited sense.

like foreign policy is gonna be the exact same in most cases, like there's no voting mechanism that will end the genocide in gaza - there's no mechanism to get the MIC to stop bombing random places and sending demonic spec ops raids wherever, nor will the steady stream of funds that go into toppling any government that so much as hesitates in its fealty to the us - so ideas that democracy is the answer is meaningfuly deluded, right?

federal politics feels like a really boring kind of WWE thing where the stage are national elections and their personalities and horse races, the kayfabe is the idea that a vote translates into anything meaningful other than the governed consenting to the process, whereas WWE's actual function as entertainment and a RNC pipeline is somewhat obvious, liberals are an entire class of people who actually stake their identity on its sincere legitimacy.

I know this post is long and probably sucks, but this all reeks to me and I'm so tired of seeing people care when the actual options for positive change are narrow, unpleasant, and sometimes illegal to voice.

I want people to disengage, start building parallel structures and outright refusing to live as if this farce is legitimate and even if i'm wrong about the particulars, that feels unreproachably noble and needed.

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