Mental Health

You just accept it and move on. Like no life partner? Then focus on hobbies for singles. Don't hesitate to do something by yourself, go to the movies, treat yourself to a nice dinner.

I had 7 years of being single and I think that was the best memories I have. That's when I said yes to everything and started asking "why not". Try everything, try out hobbies, I even went as close to hiring a cuddling partner(not sure if they are still in business). Don't actively seek a partner, just enjoy every minute of your life then you'll meet the one along the way. Or you'll have a lifetime of great memories when you tried a lot of things.

I was 28 before I done goofed and fell in love. Had lived alone a year or so after getting out of the army. Had been single and was losing hope, like you. Was so lonely I moved in with my sister and her boyfriend. They had a spare room and I figured I could help 'em with rent. Honestly figured I'd hook up with one of her friends, which was exactly what happened. You're still young. There's so much pain with love, it's hard to recommend. People are trying to replace people with pets and the screens, but I don't think it's healthy. Hobbies are the answer. Every moment counts.

1. Get a therapist. You show clear signs of distorted thinking. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can help you to retrain your brain to identify cognitive distortions that can lead to depression.
2. Talk to people in person more. The internet and social media has ruined a generation, and we are only just now identifying the impact in research. A whole generation has spent their crucial developmental years on social media rather than in person. Socializing is kind of like a muscle. You need to do it frequently to get better at it, like working out. If you stop for a while, you will lose it. If it's been a long time since you've socialized, it will be especially difficult. Get creative, and find someone to talk to in person (anyone, same sex or different).
3. Meet new people. If you are not meeting new people, how are you going to find the person you want to be with. If you only go to work and the store, you have to meet your person either at work or the store, or hope they come to your front door. If your person was 1 in 100 (which is pretty decent odds) you'd still have to meet 100 new people. How often do you meet new people of the right gender, age, sexuality, and relationship status? How often do you meet people at all? It could take you a decade just to meet 100 people period if you aren't talking to anyway. If that's the case, how are you supposed to meet someone? Dating apps can work, but it can take just as long.
4. Date people. Date literally anyone that will date you. Dating is about meeting new people, and learning what it is like to be in a relationship. There is no commitment, nor should there be any expectation of a long term relationship. You need the ability to mess up in a relationship so you can learn and grow. Don't go into a relationship thinking that's the one, because it probably won't be. The time spent with them is beneficial nonetheless.
5. Improve yourself. Learn new things, get new hobbies. Get passionate about things. It doesn't matter what it is. People like anyone who is motivated and working on themselves, even if they aren't interested in it themselves. You may find a partner that is into the same things, but it is unlikely. It is not very attractive if you sit at home and watch TV and play video games all day, especially in a depressive state (which is why the first point is so important).
6. Don't expect anything. Don't expect a certain feeling when you meet someone. Don't expect a perfect relationship or a perfect person. Really, a relationship is just finding someone that is compatible enough with you. There isn't anything magic about it. If you saw it on TV, it almost definitely isn't realistic. You will have fun together, you should enjoy going through life together, you will butt heads and argue about stupid things, but it isn't a movie.

But seriously, work on your depression first. You can't do any of this while in a depressive state. If you can't get a therapist, you can try practicing CBT on yourself. Check out this list of cognitive distortion. Read them all and recognize them. You must know what they are before you can identify them. Once you have learned them, you can recognize them when they happen. There are lots of ways of combating cognitive distortions. One way if a cognitive distortion pops up in your head, repeat it in your head in a silly voice. Such as goofy or something.

Some cognitive distortions you have displayed in this thread:

1. Fortune-telling / Catastrophizing – predicting a lonely future without evidence that it must turn out that way.

"I am 25(M) and never even touched hand of opposite sex, at this point i am kinda sure that im going to be alone in my life"

2. Labeling / Negative filtering – defining the entire self based only on perceived physical flaws, ignoring positive traits.

"I am ugly and skinny, and as for recent started going bald."

3. All-or-nothing thinking / Overgeneralization – assuming that health limitations eliminate all possibilities for relationships or fulfillment.

"Have some heart issues so no heavy physical work. I have no chance."

4. All-or-nothing thinking – believing only heavy lifting equals being "in shape," dismissing other valid ways to build fitness.

"heart issues mean i cant go to gym and start lifting and stuff, so cant get in shape"

5. Personalization / Mind-reading – assuming that others would see him as a burden, without evidence.

"i dont want to burden anyone with my problems"

6. Comparisons / Mental filter – focusing only on what others have and what you lack, creating jealousy and self-criticism.

"All of my friends already have some experience, and im not... so im really curious and jealous of not having that level of intimacy."

7. Overgeneralization – making a sweeping judgment about all people in your environment being unfriendly.

"Im not from US, but my place is not good either, people are gloomy and mostly not friendly."

8. Mind-reading / Emotional reasoning / Labeling – assuming others will see you as ugly and feel unhappy with you, treating your self-judgment as fact.

"im sure nobody wants to wake up and see and ugly face beside them, they gonna feel awful seeing me, i dont want to ruin someone happines"

ugly

Thats okay! Lots of people of all genders are!

skinny

So you're not fat?

bald

Patrick Stuart. No excuse.

heart issues

Sucks. Sympathies. How does that relate?

no heavy physical work

I don't understand why this is in here

how can i just focus on

Okay imagine meeting yourself.

You really want to like this guy. What do you focus on? What'salmost there?

Alternatively: hire a sex worker

I am 25(M) and never even touched hand of opposite sex

Oh, yeah, I was in the same boat, raised conservative Christian, dating wasn't allowed until you were 18, and you were supposed to be dating to get married. I was something like 26-ish before I kissed someone for the first time. (...And ended up having sex with them a few hours later; unfortunately, I had such distorted views of relationships that I scared them off.) I'm mildly autistic, have pretty severe ADHD, and yet, I've been married this time for eight years. (The first one lasted eleven, but the last five or six were... pretty rough.)

Get some therapy. Work through some strategies for meeting people, and building relationships. The therapy that works is going to depend on you; different people respond better or worse to different treatments.

The other comments are solid.

I didn't meet my wife until I was 32. We've been together for 9ish years now and have had one major argument. It has otherwise been amazing and we compliment each other well.

At 25 I wouldn't have even been ready to "settle down" so to say, in fact I probably didn't get there mentally until 28 and still...life is a regular learning thing.

At 28 I had gone on a random smattering of dates that really made me realize what I do and don't like. I had decided I'd be fine being alone as well, which wasn't terrible. I had volunteer opportunities, a good job, and some local meetups I enjoyed.

I say all this to mean, don't give up but also like...the biggest thing for me was to hone what I wanted or didn't want. I am pedantic and picky as fuck, and I had hit a point where I was OK not finding someone but...that was exactly when that person was found.

My advice, you gotta do you, you need to enjoy life first. I don't care if it's a video game or a local pub with a specific dish or a park with a nice view. Figure out that list and then seize it at every turn, then hone it and expand it and sharpen it.

Being ugly is nowhere near the most important thing.

• kind
• funny
• respectful
• dress well
• fun

You can be mega hot but if you treat people like shit, they're not going to want to have meaningful relationships with you.

If you're constantly a downer that's giving off desperate-needy vibes, that's also going to turn people away.

Also 25 is really young, still.

Hey, that was me! Though I'm fat instead of skinny. The reason you can't get over it is because you want and deserve a relationship. I came to the conclusion that if I'm never going to have anyone in my life, I might as well join a dating site just to verify it, and lo and behold, I'm married now at 33.

Get a nice haircut, find some clothes that fit you well, and take some pictures of yourself doing things you like, then spend a few hours putting the effort into making an honest, well-thought-out profile on a dating site. Spend an hour or so every day really looking into potential matches, trying to come up with something to ask them about from their profile as a conversation starter. The more effort you put in, the better your results will be - if you send every girl a "hey," you'll never get a single match.

It'll take a while to get used to chatting with girls, and if you're like me you'll put your foot in your mouth a lot at first, but eventually you'll start getting some dates, and eventually you'll start getting some second dates. I won't say it'll be easy, but I look back on my 25 year old self and think how funny it was that I had nearly given up so young. You've got a lot of life ahead of you, and it's better with company.

Or give up, it's your choice, but I don't think you would have posted this if you really wanted that.

One of the most attractive things about a person is being themselves. If you are self-expressive and happy in your own shoes, people will take notice.

This sounds far more a mental health thing than a physical appearance thing.

I’m sorry feelings of loneliness have been so hard on you. When I was alone for 15-20 years, I focused as much attention as I could on volunteer work. It was extremely gratifying and helped take my mind off my loneliness. I eventually met my wife at a volunteer event without even thinking she would be the one. Sorry if this is corny, but I think Gandhi said “the only way to find yourself is to lose yourself in service.”

Critique: You have to be comfortable in your own head whether a relationship works out or not. If you have a decent job and are respectful you're already better than a lot of guys. Just as guys vary in how they rate a woman, women vary in how they rate a guy. Physical appearance is pretty low in this and most women are at least willing to give a shot to someone who checks other "boxes" in what theyre looking for. One box of that is not having to be your therapist. Yes, part of a relationship is leaning on each other but sharing the load is different to having to be carried. Another box is not feeling "settled for". It isn't good for either of you as settling makes one person feel like shit and devalue themself while the other yearns for something else.

Going up and talking to girls is already doing a lot better than many guys. However, only being able to converse about your own interests and hobbies makes things difficult. Finding someone who shares the exact same interests is unlikely and unnecessary to getting along. You need to be willing to listen about other things. It seems that due to age and environment you've had trouble finding the right types of people as shallow party girls are far from the only women around but at just 25 I wouldn't give up hope just yet.

1. you do not know the future
2. even if you did, you don't know how it will FEEL when those FACTS play themselves out
3. it would be somewhat unfriendly of you to place the burden of your mental health onto the shoulders of someone else, no? sort your shit out before you get someone else involved yo!
4. just by virtue of being here, I can make some assumptions that you are fairly smart, introspective, know stuff about the world and how at least technology works. Have you met the bottom 50% of people... really? They aren't so much out and about, believe me, they hide (or are hidden away by family members). You may have issues - we all do - but you have no idea how much awesomeness you also have along with those, I believe it!

You do you... nothing that you have said seems insurmountable, to me. With some effort, you really can learn to ~~install Arch Linux~~ talk to girls.

But you don't have to do it today. Maybe define your parameters: take just ONE DAY, better yet a week, and not worry about it. Then, plan to pick it up again (put it on your calendar if you really need that) and spend some time (5 minutes? an entire hour? preferably while doing something that helps make it more tolerable - walk outdoors?) thinking about it. The plan to pick it up later is the secret sauce to being able to put it down TODAY: you can tell yourself that you WILL think about it, but that you just need to be patient and deal at a more opportune time.

Exercise makes virtually anything better btw. Heart issues or no, do what you can stand, maybe even right up to the line of what your body can handle, and while perhaps that same day you may be sore, the next day you will have had the endorphins coursing through you, and breathe better. I never ever want to go exercise, but I am always ALWAYS very glad that I did! :-)

Edit: also a note that if you are in the USA, some of what you feel right now could be related to... (waves hands) all of THAT going on.

Looks matter less and less as you age. It's far more important to have similar interests, morals, and lifestyle as your romantic partner. I know that's not much consolation in the here-and-now, but rest assured that you will absolutely find a partner someday if that's your goal.