Tell the person you're dating that you would appreciate flowers.
this post was submitted on 11 Aug 2025
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I’m divorced and 5ever alone lol
Step 1: Find a date.
Step 2:
There’s so many cishet guys that are interested because I’m AFAB but vanish once they realize I’m not their twinky tomboy fantasy :( I’m so done with chasers
We literally have no idea you would appreciate that. Some people really don't like that.
Ask for them or say you want flowers. Even just asking something like "so when are you going to buy me flowers as a random romantic gesture?" Is a clear enough indication that flowers should be bought.
I know, you just want him to do it spontaneously, that isn't how guys work. Maybe the first date, anniversary, birthday, or Valentine's a guy will do flowers unprompted. First date is least likely because it is a burden to have to deal with flowers if he isn't picking you up from your place and a lot of people don't feel comfortable telling a guy where you live with a first date. Are the flowers going to sit in the car? Are we bringing the flowers everywhere like some sort of botanical third wheel?
Guys are practical to a fault. Flowers are such unnecessary and pointless things to spend money on outside of the aforementioned occasions that buying flowers otherwise are such a rediculous concept to the male mind. The money can be used for other things of use and the flowers are just going to die, so what is the point of that waste and lack of utility?
That isn't even touching on how such a traditional romantic gesture is possibly some sort of conservative toxic masculinity gender role red flag that supports slave wages for undocumented migrants which you will get indignant over and he gets his nice romantic gesture turned into a bite in the ass.
So just say something if you want something, that is how guys work. Don't hint. Don't demand. Just say what you want and a good man will satisfy the primal need to provide and make it happen. "I would love it if you brought me flowers and some chocolates randomly. That would be so romantic and sweet." Then you just have to wait, probably until the next time you see him because your need of flowers and chocolates has been elevated to a super important thing and making you wait for some other time would be poor providing for your needs or you may think he forgot and doesn't care.
Your eyes lighting up and your smile will chisel in stone that flowers and chocolates are an easy way to cheer you up and it will be done again randomly or to raise your spirits. Once you stop responding with enthusiasm, he will think that it stopped working and will probably stop, so always be excited and happy to get flowers and chocolates to renew your ticket.
No one can guess that you'd like random flowers. It would be very random for me if someone im dating would just show up in my doorstep without asking if i have time befor.
Completely random is probably not happening but if you tell your partner it should be possible to get a nice little supprise now and then.
I’ve had two exes that I told explicitly I’d love flowers, and never got them. Over seven years of my relationship with my ex-husband, never once.
Maybe you are my proverbial missed connection:
Every gal I've dated seriously, unprompted, I would surprise them with flowers, chocolates, charcuterie boards...
... listen to all those actually actionable, verbally dropped hints, and followed up on them...
... and not all, but almost all of them, either physically, financially, and/or emotionally abused me, and/or cheated on me (in what was ostensibly a monogamous, non polyamorous relationship).
Maybe we are now both... different sides of the same coin, kind of disappointed and tired, lol?
OP had brought up randomly showing up, I assume they meant for a planned thing like a date.
"Happiness belongs to those who are sufficient unto themselves. For all external sources of happiness and pleasure are, by their very nature, highly uncertain, precarious, ephemeral and subject to chance." - Arthur Schopenhauer
I can buy myself flowers.
What the desire is really connected to is the idea that someone would care enough about me to stop at the store while on their way home from work and pick up something small for me. Small gestures of care and affection.
It’s like how a sandwich tastes better if someone else makes it. There’s a certain aspect of “this person wanted to make me happy” that is more important than the gesture itself. I can make a sandwich myself, but there’s an aspect to the idea that they actively thought about what I would enjoy, that they made it for me to enjoy it.
Might sound like a stupid question, but - why? Why do you want to outsource something you could do yourself (Appreciating you!), something you can do much better than anyone else anyway?
Why want to have sex when you can masturbate?
I’m all about making little gifts for people I love. I’d like my energy to be matched in some way.
But is it a gift if it has to be matched or returned? Or rather a transaction?
Phrased somewhat differently:
If you aren't ok on your own, if you can't validate and responsibly enjoy yourself, your own life...
...you're not ready for a serious relationship, you're either not mature enough, or not yet sufficiently healed from the trauma you carry.
Kind of. But it's more about control. We can't control other people. We can't make them like us, love us, appreciate us by buying flowers. We can only control ourselves (to some extend).
If you want something done right, do it yourself.
Hrm.
I always thought that ... if a gift is given with a transactional expectation, of any kind... its not a true gift, it has strings attached, which are often not verbalized, not made clear or explicit.
This is transactional, controlling, in a messy way.
...
I have always thought that a gift should only be given out of... just genuinely caring, and appreciating a person...
... if anything, the only non 'perfectly' altruistic element of it would be you hoping to experience the other person genuinely enjoying receiving the gift, hopefully not performatively pretending to enjoy it.... their joy makes you happy, because in some sense, platonic or romantic, you love them.
Or I suppose at the very least, 'I don't need this anymore, but I know you well enough that I think you would find joy or use in it'.
I think that that mindset of gift giving is ... more healthy, comes from you, is much more in your control, you don't have any expectation of being able to make them like or love you more... worst that can happen is they don't really appreciate the gift, or find it offensive?
And if those latter scenarios occur... well, be ready for that to possibly happen, prior to giving the gift, prior to buying or making it or w/e.
...
Its... also not good to try to do the uh, apology gift type of thing either, "I fucked up and was shitty, here's something to asymmetrically compensate you."
Thats also another kind of transactional gift giving.
...
I am not sure if this is entirely making sense, but I do think that being more altruistic with gift giving, and ... giving gifts you can actually afford to give... doing this is you doing something yourself.
That's a complex and interesting topic by itself. Gifts can't be selfless (without some benefit to the giver) because even if you donate something anonymously, it makes you feel better or at least you're thinking you're doing the right thing (in the coldest way possible). Which means every gift is "tainted" in some way. So the only thing we can do is to make this transaction/investment called gift more fair. Remains the question: what is fair?
What is fair?
Well, I have tried to outline what I think is fair.
Roughly:
Be honest with yourself, be honest with your gift reciever, do not have unspoken expectations, expect as little as possible in return.
To... fully get into some kind of exact and precise description of what constitutes 'fair' would be an extremely lengthy discussion revolving around altruism.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Altruism
This is a brief, and I do mean brief summary of ways people have come at this concept.
What you are describing as your standard is basically 'perfect altruism', which uh, basically does not exist in practice.
So I am really just trying to say:
'with gift giving, aim to be as close to "perfect altruism" as possible, while realizing that "perfect altruism" is basically impossible... this is a better approach than not even realizing you have unspoken expectations, or knowing you have expectations of the gift reciever, but not making them clear to the gift reciever'.
Actual perfection is impossible, nonetheless, strive toward it to the best of your ability... while also realizing people can and will disagree about to what extent you are succeeding at that.
Perfect altruism (Being selfless = destroying yourself) is not my standard. I consider it as destructive as parasitic behavior (Being selfish = destroying others). Extremes are always destructive. Balance is key. I think balance is necessary to come close to what people call fair. In this sense, a good/fair deal (win-win situation) is better than any gift.
Step 1: find a guy
Step 2: tell him that
Now if it were only that simple..
I don't buy flowers for holidays and especially not for apologies for my wife. I do it because maybe its a random Tuesday and I know she'll be delighted and surprised to receive them.
found this today lol
Sorry bro can't help you with the flowers or chocolates but how about some unsolicited dick pics
Just make sure not to take them over the toilet, at least.
I was once buying flowers for my partner because I knew they enjoyed them. The guy selling them asked “what’s the occasion?” And I just shrugged. “General maintenance?” and that’s how I have thought of it ever since. It’s good for the relationship to remember your partner’s wants and needs unprompted. Makes everyone feel good. Not an expectation per se, but it is work.
I hope you get your flowers!!
Chocolate, I understand. But you can do better than flowers. Ask for something with a long-term use, like a board game, book, or puzzle.
"stop wanting the thing you like. You should want something better"
flowers are pretty and the ephemeral nature is part of the beauty of the gift. It's not about having a thing it's about the lovely gesture and how beautiful and lovely smelling they are for a while.
I have always hated gifting a woman cut flowers. "Here's some recently killed things." I'd rather give a potted plant.
that's your prerogative but you're also gifting them a lot of responsibility and chores with that so you know make sure that's something they are into first.
Plants don't have nervous systems and don't feel pain when cut, they are a renewable resource and some types of plants suffer no harm by the cutting of flowers. Every woman i have given flowers to has been delighted by it and I have been delighted to receive them myself!
Going to be a bit blunt, the way the gifts I've given the women of my life were just taken for granted, I don't gift anymore.
well i'm sorry to hear that, I will hope that you receive more kindness in the future