Off My Chest
RULES:
I am looking for mods!
1. The "good" part of our community means we are pro-empathy and anti-harassment. However, we don't intend to make this a "safe space" where everyone has to be a saint. Sh*t happens, and life is messy. That's why we get things off our chests.
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3. Frustrated, venting, or angry posts are still welcome.
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5. If anyone offers mental, medical, or professional advice here, please remember to take it with a grain of salt. Seek out real professionals if needed.
6. Please put NSFW behind NSFW tags.
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What is fair?
Well, I have tried to outline what I think is fair.
Roughly:
Be honest with yourself, be honest with your gift reciever, do not have unspoken expectations, expect as little as possible in return.
To... fully get into some kind of exact and precise description of what constitutes 'fair' would be an extremely lengthy discussion revolving around altruism.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Altruism
This is a brief, and I do mean brief summary of ways people have come at this concept.
What you are describing as your standard is basically 'perfect altruism', which uh, basically does not exist in practice.
So I am really just trying to say:
'with gift giving, aim to be as close to "perfect altruism" as possible, while realizing that "perfect altruism" is basically impossible... this is a better approach than not even realizing you have unspoken expectations, or knowing you have expectations of the gift reciever, but not making them clear to the gift reciever'.
Actual perfection is impossible, nonetheless, strive toward it to the best of your ability... while also realizing people can and will disagree about to what extent you are succeeding at that.
Perfect altruism (Being selfless = destroying yourself) is not my standard. I consider it as destructive as parasitic behavior (Being selfish = destroying others). Extremes are always destructive. Balance is key. I think balance is necessary to come close to what people call fair. In this sense, a good/fair deal (win-win situation) is better than any gift.