This is literally a bit in Seinfeld, except its a bagel and Elaine doesn’t get to go on her work trip. Guess our collective memory is very very very short.
this post was submitted on 09 Aug 2025
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America's fixation on drugs is beyond psychotic. God forbid someone actually enjoys their shitty life a little bit. When does congress get its random drug tests? Oh, that's right, the rules don't apply there...
Why are they drug testing in the first place? Wtf?
Because if a pregnant woman is on something chemically addictive, the baby is too, and that’s important to know when delivering a baby.
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My dad had a story similar to this from when he worked at a bank. Someone brought in poppyseed muffins for the office, the same morning that the office got randomly selected for drug tests. The higher-ups were really confused when the entire office tested positive for opiates.
Someone knew there was a drug test and flooded the office with Poppy so they wouldn't get caught.
Galaxy brain move.
I remember at one place I worked the boss was really dead against the drug test and argued against them saying they were unnecessary since there was no evidence of drug taking.
Guess who calmed down when it turned out management weren't required to take the tests. Yep. Fortunately his whole spiel did delay things about 4 days, so it was still beneficial to us.
That would be pretty genius/because even if they were positive for something else (not opiates) management would still be like "This whole batch of tests is totally scuffed, we can't use it."
I also had a roommate fail to get a job over a poppyseed muffin.
I do think it's kind of ridiculous that they apparently can't tell the difference between poppy seeds and heroin. Seriously they can't figure that out?
Heroin is made from opium poppy seeds, so, yeah, a residual small dose of heroin in your blood looks like the same opium from a serving of poppy seed muffins.
Might've been the muffin or it might've been the Fentanyl Friday team building exercise. We'll never know!
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Yep. Drug screen popped for heroin. Happens all the time. You'd think they would have figured out a way around it by now in the screening.
But it's only the poor that have to take drug tests. So there's no incentive to not ruin their lives.
Fresh out of high school I got a job working in the same grocery store as my then girlfriend (now wife), i had to take a drug test to finish the hiring process. I stopped at the grocery store to grab the paperwork and as I walked past the bakery they had fresh poppy seed bagels, my absolute favorite. I grabbed one and then went the next morning for my drug test, failed for opiates.
Should have said, yeah but they're your opioids.
You should get bonus points for supporting the business drug dealing operation.
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Ffs there was a Seinfeld episode on this issue. 30 years later and we have nothing better?!
Yep. Authorities have basically just refused to admit how unreliable drug tests are, no matter how many times it's proven
It's standard war on drugs tactics... They don't care how many people they hurt, gotta keep that ~slave~ prisoner population up
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When I was a teenager, I found out that some of the packs of poppy seeds at grocery stores had seeds that were shinier and oilier than the other grey/blue/dusty ones. And they sat in clumps, not loose seeds. Turns out there was a lot of opium on those.
Good times were had, for about 2 weeks, followed by ~10 years of bad times.
Why are they drug testing women during childbirth? What kind of fucked up shit is that?
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