I am fortunate to have a number of friends I have kept close most of my life, and a lot of family members who I am close with. I am unfortunate in that most of these people skew reactionary.

When I was a lib, it was easy for me to just write off political differences as inconsequential, especially since politics was a very minor part of my relationship with them. But now that I'm a commie, I've found it harder to not only keep up these relationships, but to actually feel love and care for people who I have loved and cared for for decades. Now in general, this isn't much of a problem with friends because I moved away from my hometown, and these relationships are kept on life support by group chats. These chats are largely just meme shit or talking about sports. But I've been surprised by an actual changing of feelings for two people who were my closest friends at one point.

But there is one person in particular for whom I am struggling with this. This person is my oldest and closest friend. This person knows I skew left but not as far left as I actually am. And I knew this person had libertarian leanings, but politics was something they never actually cared about in the past. In the last 6-12 months, they've gotten more strident and vocal with the libertarian crap (for example, telling me yesterday that they think it's ok that 16 million people will lose Medicaid coverage because the government shouldn't be in the business of healthcare). And as they have begun to be more serious and into their libertarian ideology, I find myself not feeling those same feelings of love and care, and really not sure I want to be this person's friend anymore. Someone I went to grade school with and really is like a brother. It's like, there's something about the libertarian ideology that if someone holds to it, I find it so repugnant that I can't be in a relationship with person. Not to mention this person has all sorts of anti-communist brainworms, which is why I've held back telling them how far left I've gone. They're genuinely not racist or anti-LGBTQ, I don't really think they are a "bad" person... but I just am so against their politics that I find I am starting to lack those feelings of love and friendship you should have for a close friend now.

This just feels jarring to me as I have always had very stable affections for people, and have always held love for people despite disagreements and seeing things differently. It feels like there is this massive gulf in how we see the world (because there is ofc) and that just sorta kills how I feel about this person.

Anyone else?

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[–] Crikeste@hexbear.net 20 points 1 day ago

Comrade.

I’ve gone through a similar thing. I made a friend in Jr. High and we were best friends for over a decade. We went through a lot together. Religious transitions, crimes, gnarly drug adventures, shootings, you fuckin’ name it. We had a very edgy way of looking at the world and interacting with it.

Then Bernie came along, and we got swept into politics.

For a while, we vibed like crazy on it. We went to rallies together, bought merch for each other and shit. We would talk back and forth about some things but ultimately nothing came between us.

Until, he somehow found his way back into Christianity.

From there, he descended into a homophobic bigot playing the ‘just asking questions’ card. I tried so many times to get him to see things another way, but it always ended up in a screaming match. Fuck, it was so bad that he was the reason for multiple relapses (I’m an alcoholic).

In the end, I just couldn’t do it anymore. A person who I once sought comfort in was now a source of rage. I knew that trying to maintain that relationship would only result in pain and sadness. So I just…. Stopped one day.

I’ve heard he’s having a kid, or had a kid. Maybe I should reach out… But I’d rather not open that wound. ❤️

[–] Belly_Beanis@hexbear.net 14 points 1 day ago

I'm on bad terms with most of my family just for calling out racism when they do it in front of me. I'm so ready to be done with them and cut them out forever.

I could also have a personality disorder, so who knows lol

[–] un_mask_me@hexbear.net 15 points 1 day ago

Yeah. Lost someone I thought would be a friend for life to the anti-vax movement of all things. Lost another to Trumpism. Yet another to the disease of money that turned them into the hateful, I-got-mine, everyone-else-is-just-lazy mindset.

kinda doomer-ish

I get really defensive these days when people around me try to speak on things from a racist, ableist foundation and I haven't really found anyone irl who doesn't openly support the mass culling of who they consider "lesser" or "undeserving". Add being vegan into the mix and most people I meet end up treating me as though I'm cringe, entitled, and delusional. The older I get the less I'm willing to even share space with a lot of people because of how overwhelmingly toxic the overall mindset of those around me is. I know it's not the case everywhere, but where I live in the US the majority of folks you meet check a box that a lot of hexbears would say is deserving of the wall. I just try to treat everyone with a modicum of respect and a healthy dose of boundaries to protect myself until I can afford to relocate. In the end we can't force our views or experiences on others, and many will never fully understand what it really means to want to make changes for a better future.

[–] OldSoulHippie@hexbear.net 11 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

I've gone through this is well.

But I'd like to say that I've watched my dad go from what I would consider old school libertarian to run of the mill liberal. When I was growing up, his guiding philosophy was "I don't care what you do but do it in the privacy of your own home". He was critical of people on any kinds of assistance. He's actually my step dad but I've known him since I was five. Anyway, he and my mom fostered nearly 70 kids throughout my childhood along with raising my sisters and me and running s day care. I honestly think his experience dealing with the state and people in different kinds of desperate situations changed him. Despite his gruff attitude, he was always willing to help anyone at any time, so he had compassion. I moved out as soon as possible so I missed the finer points of his transformation.

People can move left. It just takes personal experience instead of empathy and grace for some to get there sometimes.

[–] Beetle@hexbear.net 11 points 1 day ago

Going through an identity shift is bound to affect your relationships. What you describe is very common and I think it’s best to just accept that your relationships have changed and that you might want to find additional friends who you can talk to more freely.

Personally I stay friends with people with opposing views as long as their intentions are good and they don’t actively harm people (eg not racist) and they respect me enough to have political conversations where they take my points seriously and can be swayed.

[–] Hotspur@lemmy.ml 15 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (2 children)

This is an older event for me, but I basically haven’t spoken to someone who I would have called my best and closest friend for a decade, and for similar reasons. Very similar trajectory—we both knew about our political leanings, but it got to a point where I just couldn’t handle it anymore and being at distance I just let it go away.

This was a person who was genuinely one of the smartest people I’ve met, and having them tell me how much they’re into Douglas Adam’s book was just like, “fuck what happened to you man, how can you actually think that’s smart stuff, you used to be into right wing philosophy at least that was hard to read but fucking men’s rights dilbert shit?”

[–] ElChapoDeChapo@hexbear.net 25 points 1 day ago (3 children)

I think you mean Scott Adams, Douglas Adams really doesn't deserve this slander

[–] Hotspur@lemmy.ml 2 points 1 day ago

lol shit you’re so right. Douglas does not deserve that. The dilbert men’s rights asshole Scott Adam’s is exactly who I meant.

[–] spectre@hexbear.net 14 points 1 day ago

Yeah I was about to ask if there was something I hadn't heard about him

[–] krolden@lemmy.ml 10 points 1 day ago

lmao

[–] CleverOleg@hexbear.net 11 points 1 day ago

My friend is pretty smart too. They’ve been listening to some libertarian podcasts so I figured I’d listen to some to get a sense of what they’re being exposed to, and they way they analyze the world around them is just so…. basic. Like the polar opposite of dialectical materialism. I actually think I lost respect for my friend knowing that they hold these views.

[–] Ishmael@hexbear.net 4 points 1 day ago

We all change as we age, or at least we should to some degree. I've been very lucky to discover that some of my dearest long-term friends have also moved toward full-blown communist ideologies, but also have some friends who grew up rich who've moved more right as they've aged and money has isolated them from the working class. If you don't feel like you can be who you are around them, they aren't your friend. If you two simply disagree on things, then at least you could try having more spirited conversations to get them to see your point of view...