Tommorow O_O
this post was submitted on 16 Jun 2025
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traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
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I finally got around to seeing "I Saw The TV Glow", and it definitely lived up to the hype.
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O_O
These are the eyes of a gal that woke up at 0450
hey you toooo??? 
Tommorow is the single last assignment I have to do for my entire bachelor degree.
It's a PowerPoint presentation.
No, I don't need luck. I need sleep.
good sleep upon yee
mental health
I like how I look sometimes at the same time I feel like I could be more. I really wish I wasnt myself. Though idk if thats dysphoria or just really really bad self hate I have for myself for other reasons growing up. Always low energy and mind scattered and feel like I'm missing out on life. It feels unfair. Yet I don't want to say I'm deppressed cause a part of me refuses to believe lmao
I have watched I saw the TV glow and it just didnt resonate with me and I feel shitty lmao
i sense you're partially joking but you shouldn't feel bad... it's a representation of one person's experience with transness which while common is far from universal. didn't resonate with me at all either and i think it's a pretty movie but fairly overhyped. everyone's experience is different, you don't need to conform to some cookie cutter trajectory of being trans to be cool and valid.
Yeah fair enough, I just saw it was overhyped, watched it and I was like "well, fuck" it wasn't according to my expectations that I heard from other trans people. I dunno feels like I have way less in common with other trans people regarding likes and common experiences and it sucks sometimes as I cant relate
i understand that. not trying to sound cynical at all but personally i feel like a lot of that stuff gets amplified online because baby transes who have just shattered their whole perception of self feel they need some sort of pre-made coherent identity to cling to. which is valid and all but i think moving on from it at some point is desirable. way less of a pronounced phenomenon irl in my experience. being your own person is fine and good actually.
being your own person is fine and good actually
yeah I have a problem with this rn (identity crisis 24/7) XD I'm trying but it feels like I'm staring from 10th floor through a glass pane observing others and learning their behaviors through a miopic lens
solidarity comrade, i've been there too. i'm autistic and i relate to your analogy for sure. nothing wrong with taking bits that you think are good and beautiful from other people, that's a lot of what the self is i think.
spoiler
yeah but i feel so stuck on a personal level, feels like I'm not going anywhere, wish I could just swap my whole identity but mmm...; at the same time I have a lot of impostor syndrome and I would like my 'self' to be original which bothers me a lot day to day cause I feel like an empty shell with no interests other than observing and learning from others
I struggled with identity diffusion, as well. The symptoms and anxiety have lessened as I continue with my transition, and I find myself comparing my experiences to other experience a lot less frequently.
If it helps, you're original and authentic. It's impossible for you not to be yourself. Everything you do is authentic to yourself because you're doing it. Even if you're trying to model your behaviors on other people, it was you who chose those people based on your own unique experience.
common experiences
I liked the movie tbf but I feel this so much, I feel like an alien sometimes
very mood, I have a problem relating to others in general and results in me depersonalizing so hard i feel like not a human.. sucks
I didn't resonate with it either, and I thinkfor me its cause I transed my gender in the real life nightmare realm and had been out for a while. If I had been an egg or closeted, it probably would've been more powerful
Lots reminded me of my own egg teenagerhood self, especially the beginning
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Clothes shopping and nothing decent in my size ๐ there was this really cute jumperskirt and shirt combo but it was wayyyy too big for me. (like 20cm wider than my waist too big) Shame I had to leave it, but oh well, there'll be other dresses.
mining or crafting?
balance of both
Crafting but it's actually building cool apartments until I eventually lose motivation and leave them half finished and abandoned on the server because it started to feel like work and I got tired
Or just making cool houses in solo worlds that I then abandon right after the house is finished because really all I wanted to do was make a cool house and now that it's done I don't care
splorin
fishing
it's nice if you have the time
spoiler graphic
I wish I could slit my wrists and bleed outventing si
Day ??? of wishing I was dead instead of living, survival instinct continuing to be my op. I know what all I have to go through and what I am now and it's not worth it. Can never get over the hump to actually finish it though so ig I'm just going to suffer all day at work
I love pretending to be okay :::
spoiler
I'd rather die then go through this
Honestly can't even explain the reasons without sounding stupid but they all hurt me so badly
Imagine how much better my life would be if I didn't get crippled by dysphoria.
I can't wait to switch from suffering at work to suffering at home, my favorite. At least no one else can be hurt by my issues there.