Gatekeeping: Half a star
this post was submitted on 07 Jun 2025
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Witches VS Patriarchy
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Nice notion, but won't work.
Those people will happily list every women they know, however distant.
Many men don't even have a concept for this kind of "trust".
Just what kind of trust you need? Many trust me, they also think I'm a moron and look down on me.
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I once knew a girl who shaved her head bald. Her default response to "Does the carpet match the drapes?" was "That depends, is my head bleeding?"
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I've listened to Vital Remains' Let Us Pray once every couple weeks for the past 15 years and can't name one song off of the album. I can play the guitar parts along to it, half the time I can't even remember the name of the band. This is not vital info to my brain.
I would suggest telling them to go fuck themselves and moving on.
There are very few bands I could name five songs from, even though I really like music.
I live in fear of this type of person, especially as someone who listens to metal which tends to be male-dominated. I'm an album person and I'm not always checking the table of contents when I listen. There are bands I've been a fan of for over a decade that I don't have five songs memorized for. I love these bands and I don't think I'm fake for liking them or wearing a shirt.
My brain just doesn't respond well to those type of questions anyway. Most brains don't, which is why those 'gotcha' street interview videos are so common. Most of those people aren't idiots, they're just panicking.
"Name 5 nations" "..uhhhhh, Antarctica, Canada, Texas, London, Taiwan"
"Oof, two out of five, no money for you, just public shame."
My daughter taught me a good response for when people ask random questions that are intended to be passive aggressive, or just terrible comments from a nasty person in general. You just respond "YUR cool" and nothing else. It actually stops most people in their tracks because they don't know how to respond.
Just remember you don't have to prove yourself to anyone. People that gate-keep like this aren't worth your time anyways.
I (~40 year old dude) had a similar thought when I saw this post. I like spaceslug a lot (and I'm wearing one of their tshirts right now!) but I don't really know individual songs. Lemanis is a great album and Memorial has some good tracks, but names? Uhhh
"Oh you are a Valkyrie fan? Name every Valkyrie in existance" meme.jpg
Um, Mist 😅
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The women I know who are into metal are way more into the band than almost any straight men I know.
Who even asks that? Or Am I wooshing myself?
I have seen it when its a young kid wearing like a VanHalen shirt, and the old guys assumption is they have never listened to that band ever.
I think it was a trend going around in tiktok
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Is that comeback considered "good"? Why? It doesn't even make any sense.
Because the kind of guy that asks random people to prove their fandom probably does not have many close friends.
Even more so the point is that they’re a creep.
Men policing women’s clothing is creepy, or talking down to other people as gatekeepers … also creepy.
The response is pointing out they’re a creep.
I hope my fellow men can understand.
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The sort of men who come out with phrases like that are (almost universally) arseholes. Having a default response, that can be rolled out quickly, and hit at emotional sore spots is useful.
As for why it works, if they are willing to come out with that line, then either a massively misogynistic, or badly socially stunted and rude. Both will drive women away aggressively (and likely a lot of male friends).
How often does that line happen? I can definitely see "What's your favorite song/album?", that's just making conversation based on a common interest. And it can be kinda disappointing if you thought you were gonna get to talk about a band you like, but the person just liked the design and hasn't even heard them.
But "Name 5 songs"? I thought that just happened in memes.
What do you think the memes were based on? Gatekeeping is a real thing, and the "name 5 songs" is a genuine thing they'd to to "test" people as "real" fans.
Seemed mostly like "What's your favorite song by them?" getting exaggerated, for the most part. I'm not saying gatekeeping never happens, I just wouldn't expect it to be anywhere near as common as sincere attempts to strike up conversation with a fellow fan.
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It's a bit of a weaponised meme. A small number of guys will use it as either a put down, or a really bad attempt at a negging pickup line. Unfortunately, they are the sort to do it to a depressing number of women, without thinking that maybe they are the arsehole, not the women turning him down.
It's also quite dependent on the demographic. E.g. It's far more likely to come up at music festivals etc.
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Him asking her to name 5 songs is nasty, it shows he's a bully whose looking to embarrass her. That indicates women are less likely to trust him
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Because it's an asshole thing to say. Any comeback will be good.
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"I have not made any attempt to memorize song names"
"I don't want to share names of family and friends"
If I was asked to give names, I would strongly consider listing names from Mambo No. 5. While humming the tune to remember the names.
