People who wear band shirts, does this actually happen?
this post was submitted on 07 Jun 2025
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Just checking, if woman asked the exact same question would that be ok? Gatekeeping happens on both sides, not sure how this a male only issue.
It’s just way way way way worse for women that’s all.
I mean, if I'm wearing a band's shirt I'll probably know five of their songs so sure.
On the other side of the spectrum I've owned and worn band clothes without even knowing they were band clothes. They were second hand and I liked the logos.
You mean if a woman insinuated you weren't a real fan by asking you to prove you know more than 5 tracks? Sure, man. That'd be real bad.
Hey, does anyone remember when Morgan Webb was being harassed online for being a fake gamer girl while Adam Sessler wasn't?
I meant if a woman asked this same woman the exact same question, would it be ok? Or is it a problem ONLY because a man asked the question to a woman? I've had men and women both ask me patronzing gatekeeping questions, jackasses are not limited to one sex.
How does that change the equation?
Let's try this: what do you think I would say.
I wasn't replying to you to challenge your answer, I was just clarifying my original question. I would like to think you would say it would be an issue regardless of the gender of who asked. My original question is scrutinizing the original post's intention as there are two issues present in the situation presented and at least on the surface they seem to take more of an issue because it was a man who asked. So If a woman asked that same woman the same question would she still respond with "Name 5 woman who trust you?" Just because a man is gatekeeping doesn't mean he's doing it only becausae she is a woman, he could just be a jackass who is gatekeeping and assuming he's doing it only because they are a woman is reverse sexism.
Yes! Who can even name five people they trust!?
Not really, but the issue is about how toxic misogynistic males frequently do this, not the fact that the string of events that have occurred
My job includes doing a lot of events on college campuses, so I see a lot of t-shirts for classic rock bands. I see a Dark Side of the Moon shirt at nearly every event. I'm a huge lifelong musician and music lover, so I often ask if they've listened to that album. If they have, we have a nice discussion about Pink Floyd. If not, I encourage them to give it a listen, because it is an album that has literally changed people's lives.
One girl told me she hadn't heard it, but her GRANDMOTHER told her it was the greatest album ever made. First of all: Grandmother? That hurt. Secondly, I told her grandma may be right, go listen to that album.
Recently, someone was wearing an Abby Road shirt, so I asked. They turned out to be a huge Beatles fan, and we had a nice conversation about it.
OTOH, one girl had on a Kiss shirt, so I asked her, and she didn't even know that Kiss was a band. She just liked the shirt.
Not everyone asking is looking to start an argument. Often we are just older music fans who are thrilled to see young people embracing the great rock music of the classic era, and want to talk to them about it. Engage those older music lovers, they may be able to tell you about other albums or artists you might like, or tell cool stories about shows they've been to. In my case, I worked for many years on the record biz, and have lots of stories of personal meetings and backstage experiences with truly legendary musicians. Young music lovers enjoy my stories, but if you responded with "name 5 women who trust you," I'd just write you off as a defensive, confrontational jerk, and ignore you. No fun stories for you.
I think the German saying „Der Ton macht die Musik.“ fits very well here. There is a massive difference between you bringing it up ans an conversation starter and an incel jerk using it as a challenge.
This is lovely and wholesome, but you're not the type of person the post is about.
Edit: sorry I just realised my comment was kinda glib, so let me elaborate. You didn't specify but I assumed you approached those women with a friendly air, having a genuine desire to have a conversation with them as equals, and said something like "oh I love that album, have you listened to it?" Putting yourself in their shoes, compare that to a guy who approaches them aggressively, having a deep seated resentment for all women, and lashes out with "pretending you like that band huh? Prove it then, name 5 of their songs!"
Thank you for a common sense response to my post. The problem is that ALL standard-issue white boomer men like me have become the enemy, and we all take the blame for assholes who would behave poorly no matter what their sex, age, race, etc.
I have become somewhat activist about sweeping generalizations about people. It isn't right when MAGA Nazis disparage undocumented immigrants as a whole, and it isn't right when young people or women, etc. disparage older white men as a whole. Most of us are decent reasonable people, it's just that the jerks are far louder, so they get the attention.
As a standard-issue white boomer man we should be mad at the assholes for being assholes and not the people who want to avoid the assholes.
Those assholes make us look bad, and there's not really anything we can do but speak up if and when we see it.
That's the thing. I've never actually seen it in real life. Only in videos.
Just spent four days at a metal festival, people are going to be excited if you have a shirt of a band they wanna watch too. Spent a bunch of time talking to people about the band shirt i was wearing. There where women involved and people of all ages. It was brilliant. At some point one guys asked around the table what our favorite songs where. No weird "stop a random and demand 5 songs. "I sometimes think this is an america-only occurance.
Good as a general snarky comeback, but tbh doesn't seem appropriate unless the guy is wearing a shirt that says women trust him.
Suddenly realizing how many women I knew have come out as non-binary "Uhhh, uhhh... Well my wife? Wait, no, um, my friend? No, they're not- uh,"
My mom
my cat
my cousin
The lady that delivers parts to our shop
my aunt
crosses arms
Gatekeeping: Half a star
Nice notion, but won't work.
Those people will happily list every women they know, however distant.
Many men don't even have a concept for this kind of "trust".
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