this post was submitted on 13 May 2025
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283
Being single (lemmy.ca)
submitted 23 hours ago by rabber@lemmy.ca to c/lemmyshitpost@lemmy.world
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[–] andybytes@programming.dev 6 points 7 hours ago

To be honest, it's really hard to find somebody who is actually self-aware and empathetic. I mean, people talk the talk, but it seems like they're not affected by things. I really do enjoy solitude and I'm not a lonely person really. Like, I would like to experience a full human life, but that's not going to happen in this late stage techno feudal imperialism. What I'm saying is, the criteria for nonsense and bullshit is slowly becoming less tolerant on my end. Like, I would want somebody attractive, but I would choose the uglier person if they had a brain. I'm just keeping it real. Like in this world of billionaire nonsense where we're bounced around like ping pong balls living inside of containers of bullshit are you able to see what actual human animal existence is really .can you put the modern world on pause and be a human being? Our lives are meaningless bullshit and people that infuriate me the most are those that are optimistic. Yet, if you got to know me, you would realize that I'm incredibly optimistic. But like all things are affected by their environment. For I am a product of my environment. Because you know, there is no war but the class war.

[–] Ziglin@lemmy.world 7 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

Not in a relationship, feeling is there anyway.

[–] rabber@lemmy.ca -1 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

How come? You can do whatever you want on your own terms without constantly having to prove yourself to someone.

[–] Ziglin@lemmy.world 4 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

Ok, to be clear I'm attempting to state the absence of a romantic relationship.

There are still people who have expectations that I need to fulfill including myself. Life is bad enough the way it is and by no choice of my own I regularly have to think about the person I have romantic feelings for. (Though that feeling is not inherently negative)

[–] rabber@lemmy.ca -2 points 9 hours ago

Well, prove yourself to one less person.

I remember the day I regretted being married. After a miserable shift at the data center when I got home the first thing she said was "you promised to do the dishes, why didn't you?"

Sounds relatively harmless but this was my "I need out and never again" moment. As a young man without many friends life is hard as fuck and if there's expectations also in my own home I pay mortgage on then I'm out.

[–] stebo02@sopuli.xyz 24 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

jokes on you I have a gut wrenching feeling from being single

[–] thatradomguy@lemmy.world 3 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

Same... pushing 31 and nada... fml

[–] KeenFlame@feddit.nu 1 points 2 hours ago

Nah, your life is cool anyway

[–] altphoto@lemmy.today -1 points 5 hours ago

Jesus? Fucker! Wake up man! We need you! What you need a suit or cape or something? Get the heck up and start busting racist assholes! I would totally start with a little afganese testicle removal.... But in godly excruciating slow motion. With an old, dirty, dull wooden roof shingle. Maybe add ghost pepper to the shingle in lemon juice, vinegar and alcohol mix.

[–] mEEGal@lemmy.world 6 points 12 hours ago

yo Fenriz my man, wake up, you're on Lemmy !

[–] termaxima@programming.dev 112 points 21 hours ago* (last edited 18 hours ago) (6 children)

You’re not supposed to have a gut wrenching feeling 24/7 when in a relationship.

A relationship is a friend you do extra things with.

[–] ArtemisimetrA@lemm.ee 5 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 15 hours ago) (2 children)

Or, to bring Relational Anarchism to bear, a relationship is an ongoing interaction between people, sometimes even just with one's own self. Then, having established that a relationship exists, the participants of this relationship may choose to define said relationship using whatever terms and conditions they feel are fitting. And here's the clincher: nobody outside of the relationship gets to have any say in what ANY aspect of that relationship means. Friendship? That's literally got "ship" in it, but parenthood? Also a relationship. Professional, personal, inter-personal, monogamous, non-monogamous, poly, aromantic, FWB... All valid terms to use, and not a single one of them can possibly define a relationship by itself.

[–] KeenFlame@feddit.nu 1 points 2 hours ago

I kind of get what you are saying but parenthood is not like this. The kid doesn't get to have a say, and there are extremely important laws on what you can do both with kids and their other parent. And a hateship? Like, what if a dude just starts hateshipping you because he was mistreated and is in pain, you can call the police and say fuckety fuck off or go to jail, so society has something to say about it too. Even disregarding these exceptions, I don't get a lot of aha moments from this perspective? Maybe that's a good thing but I feel like if someone doesn't understand these basic teachings about relationships, they're probably traumatised real bad and it's a good message. At the same time if it is aimed at bigots, they have pretty specific other reasons for why they think it's their issue what other people's relationships are about, and those are more akin to brainwashing and propaganda than straight trauma, (but it could always be both I guess). Free love has been around for many years now, and there was no societal issues, so any dissent on the topic should be extremely easy to dismiss. Maybe I'm underestimating the current state of the US though.

[–] termaxima@programming.dev 6 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

I am a relational anarchist, but I was simplifying. No need for quantum physics where Newtonian physics do the trick !

[–] Zentron@lemm.ee 2 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

Im gonna use that phrase from now on , thanks stranger!

[–] termaxima@programming.dev 2 points 12 hours ago

There’s probably room to make it snappier, have fun !

[–] Demdaru@lemmy.world 20 points 20 hours ago

I dunno how I feel about this summing up. Like, yeah, but also so much more. For one they mostly remove gut wrenching feeling xD

[–] CitizenKong@lemmy.world 15 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

Yep, a good relationship should just be your favourite person to spend time with that you also find sexually attractive (and vice versa).

[–] Lemminary@lemmy.world 2 points 12 hours ago

I have an anxious attachment style. My brain says no, fuck my feelings regardless. :(

[–] problembasedperson@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 20 hours ago

I'm gonna wrench her guts, alright?

[–] Rin@lemm.ee 6 points 21 hours ago

"extra things" ;3

[–] Monstrosity@lemm.ee 3 points 18 hours ago

That consistent light nausea is just how true love feels, bro!

[–] palebluethought@lemmy.world 116 points 22 hours ago (4 children)

If your relationships involve a "gut wrenching feeling 24/7" you might have other problems

[–] Pilon23@feddit.dk 13 points 15 hours ago

Clearly a euphemism for anal sex. Once or twice a day is fine, but 24/7 is far too much. I'd also be hiding in nature at that point

[–] sundray@lemmus.org 28 points 21 hours ago

"It's just a matter of time before she discovers I'm only an emergency hologram..."

[–] grrgyle@slrpnk.net 14 points 22 hours ago

Problem, preference, or orientation. It's impossible to tell.

[–] rabber@lemmy.ca 5 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

People just seem to use me and I have trust issues

[–] TrickDacy@lemmy.world 35 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

Op had a really bad relationship

[–] rabber@lemmy.ca 12 points 20 hours ago (3 children)

Never recovered at least thus far anyway

[–] oppy1984@lemm.ee 9 points 16 hours ago (2 children)

Honestly I get it, I've been single for 11 years now. I went through a series of toxic relationships and the last one broke me. After her I decided to take a break from dating a try to figure out why I kept attracting only toxic women.

It's been 11 years and I still haven't figured it out, and now I'm in my 40's and don't really want to date again. What I'm trying to say is, take some time, heal, get your head straight, but get back out there sooner than later. It's easy to fall into the "I'm happier single" mindset, but difficult to get out of.

[–] KeenFlame@feddit.nu 1 points 2 hours ago

It can be (just a wild guess) that you aren't looking for a friend first, and then evaluating what would happen if you fucked a lot and lived together. When you go from the other end, things tend to end up damaging. You're gameable, so it's not only random at that point, but many will use you. (this goes the same for both (s)exes)

[–] andybytes@programming.dev 1 points 7 hours ago* (last edited 7 hours ago)

I really think it's environmental that will get you bounce back. And if you're in a pattern, break the pattern. Because once you change your environment, you will change yourself. To be honest, changing your environment is the only way to change yourself in my opinion. But there are realities to working class lives. And in a way, indirectly and hidden from plain sight, our freedom of movement is dictated by our ability to acquire capital. Like the children are only given a certain amount of calories in Gaza. "Put them on a diet" It gives the impression that the oppressors are merciful while at the same time, it kneecaps the liberation struggle. They do this to US in the workplace. They pay us enough to just get by. The whole life is dictated by our ability to just live in their obscure company town. Yet, there are still prison breaks, and there is hope that one day something will change, and if you make the right decisions, you can escape your fate to some degree. I just think about the allegory of the cave. I won't be going back into that fucking cave. Fuck the self oppressor aka the coward. They didn't listen before. Why would they listen now? It's pearls before swine. I will not internalize the slave mind and the guilt of all those that stare at the dancing shadows on the wall. I will avoid the witch hunt by not being seen. Justice is always served. Thank God all men die. Ps. You also might be living in a toxic culture. Starting a family in, say, like America, to me just seems socially irresponsible. If I lived in the wild like humans used to, I would work with a collective of people and we would build a community where we could withstand the peaks and valleys of uncertainty, in line with natural law. There would be no patriarchy. Born out of necessity in union with nature.

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 6 points 19 hours ago

at least thus far

You can do it!

Or don't. Whatever life you want to live is fine. I'm not here to kink shame.

[–] grrgyle@slrpnk.net 3 points 19 hours ago

Damn I'm sorry to hear that.

[–] ILikeBoobies@lemmy.ca 2 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/002/457/032/7ae.png

[–] rabber@lemmy.ca 3 points 10 hours ago

We've lost the plot if going outside is edgy

[–] MehBlah@lemmy.world 3 points 13 hours ago

Happily single is how I describe it. Still got my kids and they are grown. No one has to put up with me and I don't have to take shit from anyone in my personal life.

[–] Derpenheim@lemmy.zip 18 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

Time to end that relationship. I spend my day waiting to go home and see my partner

[–] MBech@feddit.dk 6 points 21 hours ago

That was the only thing that pushed me out of bed for a while, the fact that I'd get to come home to the perfect woman later.

[–] recklessengagement@lemmy.world 8 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

Dated a string of people who didn't deserve my trust, so I know that gut-wrenching feeling all too well. Life is more peaceful without it.

[–] Sillyglow@lemmy.ca 6 points 19 hours ago* (last edited 19 hours ago)

They always talk about wading through a bunch of weeds or whatever but hey, I get it, no one has that kind of time anymore to wade through a bunch of assholes to find the fhe one decent person anymore. Life gets short. It can become the kind of noise and drama you just don’t want to mar up your life with.

Out of the plethora of coffee dates from the online apps I’d say there were approx 90% of the people on there that really shouldn’t be dating others and should be in some sort of counselling or just straight up scammers. Several hadn’t been in any relationship that lasted more than 6 months for a good reason.

Even in the last 10% maybe there was no chemistry but I did make some friends. One I’m still good friends with even today since Covid times.

It took about 3 yrs to find someone worth dating with chemistry. Like seriously it’s like friggin career training these days.

[–] Rin@lemm.ee 9 points 20 hours ago

I've had a lot of painful relationships so i understand. It takes time, especially if you get burnt. It's still good to find someone nice who will eventually become your one.

[–] eezeebee@lemmy.ca 11 points 22 hours ago

A wild Fenriz meme

[–] 5714@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 23 hours ago

GYLVE