this post was submitted on 26 Apr 2025
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It seems like the only logical option. If someone paid me to come up with a solution to having poopy butt I couldn't come up with a better one than a hose or a bidet. You know what I wouldn't do? I WOULDN'T INVENT PAPER YOU COULD RUB ON YOUR BUTT.

Like every person that has tried a bidet on the internet describes their experience as being reborn. Anyone that tries it instantly becomes a shill for big bidet. I have not seen a single negative review for a bidet aside from maybe water shooting up your back which is more of a skill issue with aiming.

There is some debate to be had between using a bidet versus using a hose. With bidet there's no hand contact but you can't control where the water goes. Im personally more in favor of hose since you still gotta flush and handle the bathroom door so there's gonna be contact either way, but using water is CLEARLY superior to toilet paper.

Water is cheaper and guess what? IT USES LESS CLEAN WATER THAN MAKING TOILET PAPER. That's right making a single tissue of TP uses more water than just simply washing your butt. You can also shower less frequently because you don't constantly smell like shit. We are deforesting jungles just to turn them into butt napkins that do not even clean us properly, they just smear the shit all over the crack and make us smell like poop.

Also without TP there's no longer an issue with assholes flushing their used TP down the toilet and clogging the pipes, houses will no longer get TP'ed, the pandemic scalping situation wouldn't have happened etc etc. So why are people still hellbent on using this inferior method?

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[–] CeliacMcCarthy@hexbear.net 15 points 5 days ago (1 children)

don't know where that water's been

[–] IHateCabbage420@hexbear.net 11 points 5 days ago (11 children)

So it's okay to drink that water but the moment it touches your ass it becomes a problem?

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[–] CocteauChameleons@hexbear.net 12 points 5 days ago (1 children)

You can also shower less frequently because you don't constantly smell like shit.

Nobody smells like shit after using toilet paper unless they’re doing it wrong

[–] IHateCabbage420@hexbear.net 9 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (3 children)

Then a sizeable percentage of people are doing it wrong because why on earth do so many people smell like poop? I know some people don't even wipe but I've asked some whether or not they have wiped and despite that they still smelt like poop.

[–] 7bicycles@hexbear.net 9 points 4 days ago (1 children)

but I've asked some whether or not they have wiped

I'm in awe

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[–] PolandIsAStateOfMind@lemmygrad.ml 6 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (2 children)

Idk where you live, but in Poland even though sadly some people do lack general hygiene and stink, almost nobody smell like shit in public places. And there's basically no bidets in Poland anywhere, everyone uses toilet paper.

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[–] SpiderFarmer@hexbear.net 13 points 5 days ago (2 children)

Between the state of our water in some zip codes and how the general US treats public bathrooms, I think more bidets would just cause more public health issues.

[–] IHateCabbage420@hexbear.net 9 points 5 days ago

Trust me I've seen some bad water and bad public toilets, it doesn't cause any issues.

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[–] Lemmygradwontallowme@hexbear.net 10 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (2 children)

Anyone scrolling down. Here's an alternative if you can't install a bidet. This disc top container works, especially convenient if you have used shampoo containers with it. Just fill it up with water and wash yer ass with it.

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[–] Evilphd666@hexbear.net 5 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (1 children)

I've had extreme culture shock when I went to Indonesia. Both the unsanitary conditions of their squat holes and the hoses or cups they use sitting in pools of stagnant water in a country notorius for malaria and mosquitoes used to both wash shit and shower with. The whole "wet room" concept when part of my job is to grow pathogens like Ecoli. Just saw everyone's shit germs everywhere and had a few days of mild panic attacks. Not to mention trying to keep my clothes dry in thise things and seperate shoes and lea-breakdown

Then how do people do that without getting their clothes all soaking wet?

Fast Forward after the shock john-agony wears off, I'll shower bidet and still theres shit that sticks and then is now in the shower in a drain that isn't a power flush. Which grows germs and doesn't go down properly.

My hybrid solution is to wet some TP to clean the area and then follow up with some lotion or mineral oil wipes until it's clean. Paper just doesn't do a full job. Then get your shit germ sprayer thing (bidet arm) that gets shit on and aprayed with shit crossed my mind, but our water is COLD and how do you keep it clean?

Every description online is like very vauge and overly modest in using a bidet and I just need something explict step by step.

[–] IHateCabbage420@hexbear.net 3 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Unsanitary bathrooms are straight from hell. It's genuinely disgusting. It's usually the remote bathrooms in rural roads that are really gross and dirty. I'm sorry you had to experience that.

Then how do people do that without getting their clothes all soaking wet?

In squatting holes they usually have a low pressure shower bidet or a container just pouring water on it and then they scrub it with their hands. It gets your hand dirty but it gets the job done with minimum splashing.

Every description online is like very vauge and overly modest in using a bidet and I just need something explict step by step.

I'm not sure how much it helps but wikihow has a guide.

[–] Evilphd666@hexbear.net 2 points 3 days ago (1 children)
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[–] HyalineCat@lemm.ee 11 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I hate to say it, but it probably comes back down to capitalism. You can't continue to sell copious amounts of toilet paper if everyone is blasting their arse clean with water.

-A Westerner who loves their bidet

[–] IHateCabbage420@hexbear.net 14 points 5 days ago

Idk about that. It seems like more of a cultural thing there are a lot of ass washers in capitalist countries. Still I will support any comment that portrays my minor grievances as the enemies of communism.

[–] Des@hexbear.net 9 points 5 days ago (5 children)

i really want one but my partner has no gall bladder and blah blah gross stuff basically i'm afraid it will get really dirty and poopy from backsplash. i have to clean and bleach our toliet down every 2 days.

will that add complicated nooks and tubing to clean basically?

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[–] Acute_Engles@hexbear.net 9 points 5 days ago (4 children)

Idk i can clean my butt with toilet paper. I agree with the other reasons but i don't smell like shit all the time.

Honestly getting a bidet never entered my mind as an option until the yks guys were talking about them. Never got around to it

[–] space_comrade@hexbear.net 9 points 5 days ago (3 children)

Idk i can clean my butt with toilet paper.

Yeah me too but I always have to waste what feels like a lot of toilet paper. Washing your ass is objectively superior, I just can't be fucked to install a hose into my toilet and it's almost never an option to me anywhere I go.

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[–] infuziSporg@hexbear.net 8 points 5 days ago (11 children)

If we're talking about "inventing TP", I'm pretty sure we wiped with leaves and stuff before we invented the hose. Maybe even nice thick leaves like cabbage leaves.

I don't like getting only my butt wet instead of the whole body. If I wanted my butt wet I might as well take a shower.

Also, composting toilets are superior. Flush toilets emerged along with the capitalist class and the liberal idea of private bathroom ownership. Putting water pipes into every dwelling unit is a wasteful luxury that speeds up the decay of buildings. If we're talking about plumbing and commodity shortages we need to have a holistic approach instead of a hyperspecific bandaid approach.

[–] Pentacat@hexbear.net 9 points 5 days ago

I’m pretty sure the ultimate invention of paper for cleaning anuses happened, at least in the US, in 1791 when the Bill of Rights was ratified.

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