this post was submitted on 30 Mar 2025
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Not The Onion

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[–] Darkard@lemmy.world 88 points 2 days ago

Chaotic Good: Donate it to food pantries and soup kitchens.

Chaotic evil: Dump it on the steps of the capitol building and build a giant ground beef Mitch McTurtle.

[–] Kyle_The_G@lemmy.world 49 points 2 days ago

I bet it was Arby's, they always claim to have "the meats".

[–] PunnyName@lemmy.world 8 points 1 day ago

Remember: if you see someone stealing food, no you didn't.

[–] antlion@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] roguetrick@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago

And whaddya get?

[–] Kit@lemmy.blahaj.zone 19 points 2 days ago (3 children)

What on earth could someone do with 80,000 lbs of beef? You can't exactly move that kind of volume on the black market. Storing that amount of beef alone would take a massive amount of space and cooling.

[–] mrsemi@lemmy.world 48 points 2 days ago (2 children)

It would take precisely two refrigerated semi truck trailers.

Fresh beef could be easily, easily sold, not even on the black market.

Print a fake bill of lading for delivery to any random grocery warehouse, write on the bill that it was rejected for some irregularity that has nothing to do with product quality (shipped wrong item, order was canceled but shipped anyway, anything really), and call up random food distributors until you find a buyer.

[–] tal@lemmy.today 25 points 2 days ago

If I ever need to unload 40 tons of illicitly-obtained meat, I'll be going to you, Mr. Semi.

[–] over_clox@lemmy.world 14 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Username checks out.

Also, they may have actually already had a buyer ready.. could have even been an inside job...

[–] Vandals_handle@lemmy.world 10 points 2 days ago

"I'm gonna give you a rule of thumb. You foller it and you just might hold on to this ranch of yours. All large-scale crime is an inside job. Takin' fingerprints and sendin' trash off to the lab just don't ger her done. If you're dealin' with people, you gotta be human." Slim Pickins as Henry Beige in Rancho Deluxe

[–] jagged_circle 1 points 2 days ago
[–] Tylerdurdon@lemmy.world 16 points 2 days ago

Someone had some beef with Tennessee

[–] satanmat@lemmy.world 15 points 2 days ago

In other News:: the Knoxville FD is having a spaghetti dinner fund raising....

[–] roguetrick@lemmy.world 8 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

Hey these guys we've never heard of are cheap, let's hire them to transport stuff for us.

[–] yoshman@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago

I saw some video about this kind of stuff. I want to say it was John Oliver.

Anyway, these shipping companies basically hop on this Craigslist circa 2002 looking website and hire truckers off it. So, they likely did just get the cheapest guy.

[–] subtext@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago

For some reason I just got a flashback to that football kid who tried to steal crab legs by putting them down his pants. I’m just imagining these thieves walking out with 40 tons of beef overflowing from their pants.