this post was submitted on 12 Aug 2025
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Off My Chest

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I live in a poorer country where I live with less than 10k a year. It's low but since my country is generally less expensive I can live (and vacation) there with some comfort as long as I don't go crazy. I'm a frugal person so I don't miss out on anything.

My sister and brother-in-law went to live in Europe and they are doing very well. Together they easily make 200k. I'm happy for them.

The problem starts when I visit. The country they live in is far more expensive than mine. It isn't always a problem since I don't have to pay for accommodation and cooking at home is sustainable. The problem is they always want to eat out and do expensive activities (for my standards). And they always leave out the price until it's time to pay since the price is meaningless for them. At first they would chip in until my brother-in-law started pulling "it's your turn to pay now". Imagine being given a dinner tab that is almost as much as your monthly paycheck.

Visiting has become stressing as hell, when I should be relaxing. I tried to talk about it, that eating at home would be more affordable for me, but they quickly go back to old habits. At this point I just decided it's not worth it to visit anymore and blow my year savings in a few days. They're not happy and, as much as I try, I can't make them understand how much money I make. They can't understand you can't buy 100 euro meals everyday when you earn less than a 200 a week.

It's also not much better when they visit our country but at least I know what prices to expect and since I'm home I can find an excuse to ditch them.

Maybe we have just grown appart and that's that.

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[–] LiamTheBox@lemmy.ml 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

They have grown with more money and their view towards lower classes has been blinded.

[–] spirinolas@lemmy.world 9 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (2 children)

They haven't. They have grown up in the same country as I, they just moved about 10 years ago.

[–] Maeve@kbin.earth 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

People forget where they came from, after a while.

[–] crank0271@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

"Blinded" may be a little strong, but they've forgotten what it's like to live with significantly less. It happens - I'm sure people who went to school and then found a decent job and improved their situation, ten years on, probably have different financial reflexes than they did just a few years prior.

I think an honest and direct conversation is warranted. Explain it just as you have here, and tell them that you love to come visit them but simply don't have the means to do the same activities and dine at the same places as they're used to. Maybe offer to cook for them in their own home - who wouldn't love a home cooked meal from their home country? A 20x income disparity is significant, and unfortunately for you the decision may be that you have to visit less frequently if you need to save up for activities.

I'm in relationships with people that have much more and people that have much less financially, and I work to be mindful of it. If I'm going somewhere to eat with someone who isn't as financially stable I insist on paying, and likewise I fight a little (but not too much) when someone insists on paying for me.