That's the best way I can describe it. Just neverending. Which sounds obvious but the actual experience of always having to parent, phew...
I'm not having the best day today. He's on summer break and hanging with me all day. We did okay yesterday but today it was just a domino of me feeling disappointed in myself that the house is always a mess and probably a level beyond that, like there's too much stuff to fit. But my own level of non-cleanliness has rubbed off on my kid cause there's no proper place to put his stuff. So I started cleaning then asked him to do some small tasks but I was feeling resentful for how he seems to just drop things wherever. I get it, you also got to teach them how to clean up and implement chores etc. and thus adds to the relentless grind of having to have these long term parenting plans but also try to be present in the moment and enjoy things and somehow have endless stores of patience. Today I definitely haven't. I've lost my shit and yelled and just let things domino out of control into a terrible grouchiness. I know some days suck and we get up and try again. Just wanted to get it out I guess. No advice needed. Just ranting to rant.
It's not meant to be, man.
I remember being a kid, back when people had kids early and grandparents were both still around and healthy enough to help. I used to spend full weekends at my grandma's, or at friends' places or with aunts and uncles and other relatives. And a bit later kids would get together and roam the streets in packs.
We made it so kids only get to hang out with their parents and must be under constant supervision and it's an entirely absurd proposition.
Yea, my mom was the most hands-on grandparent but she passed a couple years ago. The rest...very hands off. She was great when he was little but the funny thing is I don't ever remember her playing with me when I was a kid. When did we switch our mentality to just being so actively parenting all the time?
It's been a single generation, as I remember it. At least if you were born in the 80s/early 90s.
The average age to have a first child has skyrocketed and, particularly in some parts of the world, the idea of an extended family is no longer a thing. The support network has frayed a TON and the level of demand on parents has gone up at the same time.
And nobody seems to acknowledge it, honestly. At least outside bad faith fascistoid tradwife peddlers. But this isn't about traditional gender roles, it's about telling all parents that they need to constantly monitor their kids for two decades and simultaneously cutting them off from any source of help during that period (unless they're filthy rich and can pay for dedicated labor to replace that support).
It's not practical at all.
Definitely at least 2 generations in my family. I spent a lot of time at my grandparents houses as kids but they were not actually doing any childcare.
I think it also has to do with living further away from family becoming more normal. My parents swapped a lot of parenting time with my aunts & uncles - most of us lived within the same 3 town radius. I now live almost 5hr drive from my family so we can't just swing by Uncle's house for a few hours.
Yeah, it's going to depend on location and that's a factor. But also people having kids later in life and so grandparents being less physically capable to act as consistent carers.
I remember when I was in school people were having kids so early and so late that I knew multiple kids who went to school with their uncles. Maybe not on the same grade but definitely being in the same school at the same time as their grandparent's youngest.
I'm not saying it was better, I'm saying it made it easier, particularly with people's first kids earlier in life.
Having kids later makes sense too - my MIL is almost 70 and my dad & FIL are 65, and we just had our first kid. I'm turning 30 next month so I'm still pretty average age but definitely not 18 like my grandma was for her first!
No wonder no one's having kids
Bruh, my mom actively made sure I was home, but wouldn't play with me. She and her subhuman husband at the time drank and smoked cigarettes in the house while listening to music and I was expected to play with my toys alone. The only time I got to hang out with my friends was during rigid playdates and before they got home. And that was only because they were absent.
But with my kid, she'll play pretend endlessly. However, I won't allow her to be alone with my son because of the subtle propaganda I remember as a kid. "you wouldnt want someone to make a living without doing anything for it, would you?" This is why Grammy isn't allowed around my child by herself. I honestly wish she would die already so I don't have to explain these complex things with him.
It's to do with isolation. Those in power want us isolated and afraid.