this post was submitted on 28 Jul 2025
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The Internet in Ancient Times

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Welcome to the stone age... or the bronze age... or the iron age... heck, anything with an 'age' is welcome, except our modern age or any ages to come.

This is about what the internet was like thousands of years ago back when it all started. Like when Darius the Great hired mercenaries via Craigslist or when Egypt invented emojis.

CODE OF LAWS

1 - Be civil. No name calling, no fighting, keep your flint hand axes inside your leather pouches at all times.

2 - Keep the AI stuff to a minimum. It gets annoying and old fashioned memes are more fun for everyone.

3 - None of this newfangled modern 21st century nonsense. We don't even know what "21st century" means.

4 - No porn/explicit content. The king is sensitive about these things.

5 - No lemmy.world TOS violations will be tolerated. So there.

6 - There is no ~~rule~~ law 6.

Laws of justice which Hammurabi, the wise king, established. A righteous law, and pious statute did he teach the land. Hammurabi, the protecting king am I. I have not withdrawn myself from the men, whom Bel gave to me, the rule over whom Marduk gave to me, I was not negligent, but I made them a peaceful abiding-place. I expounded all great difficulties, I made the light shine upon them. With the mighty weapons which Zamama and Ishtar entrusted to me, with the keen vision with which Ea endowed me, with the wisdom that Marduk gave me, I have uprooted the enemy above and below (in north and south), subdued the earth, brought prosperity to the land, guaranteed security to the inhabitants in their homes; a disturber was not permitted. The great gods have called me, I am the salvation-bearing shepherd, whose staff is straight, the good shadow that is spread over my city; on my breast I cherish the inhabitants of the land of Sumer and Akkad; in my shelter I have let them repose in peace; in my deep wisdom have I enclosed them. That the strong might not injure the weak, in order to protect the widows and orphans, I have in Babylon the city where Anu and Bel raise high their head, in E-Sagil, the Temple, whose foundations stand firm as heaven and earth, in order to bespeak justice in the land, to settle all disputes, and heal all injuries, set up these my precious words, written upon my memorial stone, before the image of me, as king of righteousness.

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[–] Sanctus@lemmy.world 45 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Am I vastly underestimating the gorilla here? 100 men? We're swarming that dude like ants. His eyes are getting poked out in the first 30 seconds.

[–] Klear@lemmy.world 37 points 1 week ago (6 children)

We’re swarming that dude like ants.

Are we? Or are we standing awkwardly in a circle, waiting for some other dumbass to make the first move, because the first guy to make a move is not gonna have a fun time.

[–] bampop@lemmy.world 17 points 1 week ago (2 children)

If not fighting is an option, I guess the men will stand in a crowd making noise and the gorilla will just chill in his corner. I suppose you have to assume that all parties are 100% committed to violence

[–] LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

I'm not sure what I should do in this scenario so I'm going to wait until Hillary Clinton tweets her opinion so I know what's best for me.

/This was hard to type, I'm hoping it gets down voted out of principle haha

[–] baines@lemmy.cafe 1 points 1 week ago (1 children)

locked in a room, after the first day of real hunger that gorilla starts to maybe look like a good idea

[–] bampop@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Now there's an interesting scenario. In the short term, you might have better luck trying to eat your fellow humans, rather than confronting the gorilla. Which seems like an analogy for how certain types of government stay in power...

[–] Ensign_Crab@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I mean, is this just an impromptu gorilla fight, or do we get to plan?

[–] Klear@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

People who want to fistfight a gorilla aren't probably too big on planning.

[–] Ensign_Crab@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

See, I didn't see "slappers only" as a requirement, considering that the dudes in the cave painting were usin' spears.

[–] Lifter@discuss.tchncs.de 3 points 1 week ago

Getting 100 people together for a fight requires some planning though, might as well include some strategy.

[–] Sludgeyy@lemmy.world 1 points 1 week ago

Assuming it's a small arena battle to the death, yes. Do or Die.

If it was a open world battle then the 100 people would just take turns harassing the gorilla until it dies of exhaustion. That wouldn't be a fair fight at all. Gorilla might get a handful of people but he's just exhausting myself more.

[–] BowtiesAreCool@lemmy.world 1 points 1 week ago (1 children)

If this was like a simulation and no single individual our their own safety above the group goal, then yeah. The crowd simply encircles and closes in on the gorilla, and some of the first will almost certainly die

[–] dustyData@lemmy.world 1 points 1 week ago

Something something, spherical cows in a vacuum.

[–] theUwUhugger@lemmy.world 1 points 1 week ago

With a bit of organization? Some guys distract it, others hit its head from behind!With a bit of luck we could start raping it after like 30 secs!

I am not saying we should, that would be disgusting! I am saying we could

[–] bountygiver@lemmy.ml 1 points 1 week ago

Well the gorilla will make the first move in that case, and if you don't make the move while it is busy mauling the unlucky first, you could be next.

Oh who am I kiding? With how involved most people are in politics, they would not make a move until it is too late.

[–] MintyFresh@lemmy.world 17 points 1 week ago (3 children)

One of the things that sets the human animal apart is throwing things. That poor gorilla is getting pelted with a million rocks. RIP hambre sr.

[–] pyre@lemmy.world 12 points 1 week ago

the whole premise is that it's hand-to-hand. if weapons are allowed there's no question to begin with. it's 1 man vs 1 gorilla and the man wins.

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Unless handicapped, any human child can throw a ball, catch a ball, throw a stick strait. No other animal even comes close.

And here I am feeling sorry for myself because I can't throw a cast net properly. :(

[–] MintyFresh@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Neolithic fail!! Lol jk. Practice makes perfect.

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 1 points 1 week ago

Man, I sure try. Always been low on the dexterity thing. Watching videos make it look like a no-brainer!

Also we got guns now. A couple of .30-06 rounds and King Kong is dethroned.