this post was submitted on 13 Jul 2025
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askchapo

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Where does this dissonance come from? I have lots of energy & initiative to care for others but struggle to care for myself. (hexbear.net)
submitted 2 weeks ago by bubbalu@hexbear.net to c/askchapo@hexbear.net
24 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

cross-posted from: https://hexbear.net/post/5550838

For example, this week I spent 6 hours helping a friend fix their roof & 0 fixing the leak in my roof. Most of the meals that I cooked were when I had company or going to a potluck. It takes me until the umpteenth 'let me just squish it down' and the flies start buzzing to take the trash out....

...It feels like if I were a stranger, I would take better care of myself than I do, if that makes sense?

In general, I feel like I am a very values- and care-driven person. Like what feels meaningful is taking care of my community and working towards the world I want to live in. I have a good reputation in my community & activist circles for consistent work and following through on what I commit to do....

...none of that seems to apply to myself! My dishes sit in the sink for days, and I usually only bathe in preparation for public events.

This will not do! How do I treat myself like I treat others? Ahhhh!

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[–] LeeeroooyJeeenkiiins@hexbear.net 14 points 2 weeks ago

you get positive reinforcement and validation feeling good about doing something for others

when you do stuff for yourself you just do stuff for yourself and don't also have the associated extra dopamine from feeling good about helping someone