Microblog Memes

🤣🤌🏼 See? It's just this sort of shit that kept me from locking in on the cubicle monkey grind — not for lack of trying, but for how I contributed. 😜

Example: once upon a time, there was a merger of two massive telecom brands (let's call them "Orange" and "Blue") and one was being subsumed entirely over the course of a year or so — including its complete customer database. Now, most of these accounts were simple enough to update & port, but someone up top decided to draw a line at a certain value and lump together alllll the accounts that were under that floor. Something about not wasting money on pros' hours for subprime, IIRC.

Long story short, it took me no time at all to write a script that did exactly what mgmt told us to do ( ~ "zero out all accounts within a certain range on either side of $0.00 via refund or extinguishment"), but since I was paid by the hour and mgmt got bonuses for how well their teams were doing, I made sure my little slop of code didn't outpace the other teams on the floor. I didn't take into account how absolutely mind-numbingly challenging it is to be in a cubicle for 8+ hrs/day with nothing at all to do...

Oh, and to further obfuscate my automation, I set it up on a few office mates' computers, too. Pretty soon, the whole team was secretly automated and straight up bored AF, so we kinda just took longer and longer lunches, more frequent smoke breaks, shared our music libraries, etc., but kept up the "barely above average, yet dedicated wage slaves" act in front of mgmt.

Imagine my face when it was not accolades we received once the jig was up. 🤣🖕🏼 Ooohwhee, were they pissed.