this post was submitted on 16 May 2025
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I don't think it'll ever feel like I have my shit together 🥲
Get your fuckin shit together
ok, I have a huge pile of shit organized in my living room, now what
I'm generally not very judgemental about kinks but why do you need so much shit to fuck? And why was it seemingly lying scattered around your room?
it was lying around cause I am lazy. I fuck it cause i like the texture.
I... okay.
Too real
Get it all together and put it in a back pack, all your shit, so it's together.
And if you gotta take it some where, take it somewhere, you know, take it to the shit store and sell it, or put it in the shit museum. I don't care what you do, you just gotta get it together.
Get your shit together.
I only ever have my shit together just before pushing it out of my life.
Get your spellcheck together.
Proofreading. The spelling was fine.
It’s been edited, I don’t remember the original.
No worries, friend. I was just being pedantic in a silly way in an attempt to be humourous.
The arrangement of words, and their meanings could use some work though.
I had my shit together for almost a full year, but then the pandemic hit. I used to think nobody had their shit together, so I didn’t feel as bad about it
That’s actually fair. I had effective coping skills for my shit which the pandemic removed, and which I have as yet been unable to replace with equally societally accepted alternatives, is a better way to put it. Damn, I wasn’t expecting to develop empathy for myself and others through a post on c/memes, but there it is
Having socially valued coping skills is honestly a trip though. I used to do community dance, and even though I was overdoing it to combat my adhd (14 hours of hard cardio a week), other people were so impressed by my “commitment.” Now that I just smoke a lot of weed, even though I do it for the exact same reasons, somehow it’s trashy/childish. Playing way too much pokemon go was a half step, where it was considered child_like_, but ultimately treated as a harmless quirk, like adult Disney fans.
I guess it’s like being a morning person (or lots of other factors that are clearly bigotry), where basically it’s just the luck of the draw and some people are assumed to be more/less capable because of random chance.
This has really been a revelatory comment chain.
Whilst I broadly agree with your sentiment about people being weirdly judgy about some coping measures as opposed to others, I can't help but sympathise with the people who express concern; I do think there are some coping measures that are better than others, in terms of giving us the best chance to grow and potentially thrive. I'm reminded of a couple of words that a chronically suicidal friend of mine coined to describe this kind of thing: "vivagenic" and "vivalytic", roughly meaning "life promoting" and "life destroying" respectively.
For me, there are times when indulging in substances like cannabis is vivagenic. However, I know that I am also prone to chasing an unhealthy kind of escapism sometimes, resulting in substance use that's vivalytic in nature. Although sometimes the solitude of smoking alone is sometimes exactly what I need, I have found a decent correlation between solo smoking and the vivalytic kind of smoking. My own ADHD probably plays into this.
It's not for other people to decide what is vivagenic or vivalytic for you, but I wonder whether some of people's judgemental comments are because it's harder for people to see how you're doing when your coping measures are skewed towards more solitary activities. Beyond their concern, they may also be coming at this from a sort of selfish angle of preferring when you were doing the dance stuff because they may have perceived you as being more of a member of that community — even if they weren't directly interacting with you in that context, it's reassuring to see the people we care about appear to be coping, and community dance is much easier to fit into a conventional model of "coping".
It can be difficult to discern what comments are worth listening to when there's so many: some may be perceptive friends struggling to articulate their concern about potentially vivalytic coping measures; others may be unproductively projecting their own values onto your life and feeling unwarranted concern at things that are working well for you; and then there are people who are just assholes who don't care about your wellbeing but will judge you whatever you do.
This comment got longer than I planned, so I'm not sure how to end this. I suppose the thing that caused me to start writing is that I related to your comment a little too much, and I felt compelled to share my well wishes. I don't know what is best for you, and I know we're all just doing what we can to get by, but you seem like a pretty cool person, so I hope you don't become too isolated, regardless of whatever your coping strategy is. I'm not suggesting you should be doing the dance stuff instead, because God knows I understand how ADHD can lead to a rocky relationship with moderation. I don't know what I'm suggesting. ¯_(ツ)_/¯ I'm just a random internet stranger who was surprised by an emotionally impactful thread on a meme post, but I wish you the wisdom to recognise what strategies could help you live, rather than just helping you to survive. I also wish you strength, because it's exhausting to have to constantly fend off others' judgement in order to carve enough thinking space for oneself.
Your comment is appreciated, and I love the vocabulary of vivagenic and vivalytic. It’s absolutely true that I’m less social in my free time than I used to be, and I could see that as a concern among the people who love me, (and I would take that more seriously - I was talking more about societal views) but I have a much more social work life than I used to, so it’s not as appealing to socialize in my free time now, plus I’m married now and living in a tiny apartment, so much of my home time is still not alone (I’ve used varieties of “social” way too much in this comment, but I can’t think of a better way to put it).
I’m going to think about your comment though, I think especially the new vocab will help me more clearly conceptualize the benefits and drawbacks of coping mechanisms.
I've come to understand that feeling this way is just part of being an adult. I suppose this means that we're doing it right, so props to us for continuing to tread water (even if it may feel like we're barely doing that).