I like this photo because the only thing that isn't cis-heteronormative about this photo is the size difference between the masculine partner and the feminine partner -- and maybe the choice of underwear for the masculine partner, it's not really seen as crazy masculine to be in briefs. For example, the feminine partner still has shaved legs. So if there's anything that is causing you to look at this picture with semiconscious discrimination, it means that you subconsciously believe that the sexual dimorphism between those assigned female at birth and those assigned male at birth is so strong that there should never be a masculine person who is smaller than their feminine partner. But the title of this post and the discourse so far is completely heteronormative; masculine gay masculine men do not compete with each other to be the bigger one in the relationship. Vice versa for sapphic relationships. And in most queer relationships (and a growing number of cis-hetero relationships) you would be looked at strange for trying to mog your partner on the basis of body mass. But such an expectation exists for mascs who are with feminine partners. To the point that feminine people will starve themselves (making them more susceptible to illness, literally hurting themselves, and self-destructing) to make it so that they have the dainty feminine look. From much experience in the ballroom dance community (which is overwhelmingly cis-heteronormative), many (normally cis) women feel very guilty about it when their partners who are (especially cis) men cannot lift them for stunts. Why should we let our weight make us feel shameful, for a masculine person's lack of strength? Why does it matter? I suppose you can surmise my answer to these questions from the title: we shouldn't, and it doesn't matter.
Anecdote time?
Anecdote time.
My homie, Spider, is a tiny dude. Also has severe spinal issues, but the details don't matter and aren't mine to tell. What is relevant is that he can't put on mass, be it muscle or fat. When he has, the effects were far worse than any benefits because of his medical status and the way his body is shaped.
So, this skinny dude with a messed up back is always the smaller person in his relationships. Doesn't matter whether he's seeing a cis woman or trans woman, he's small enough, and likes his women tall enough, that it just isn't happening.
And he's had to deal with the exact kind of malarkey this post mentions. Questions about his masculinity, jerks implying they'd be a better partner by way of being bigger, etc.
What makes him laugh, and what I find funny as hell, is that the guy is charismatic as hell, so he has never been without a partner if he didn't want to be. He's a weird asshole, but he's the good kind of weird asshole, if you get me. He draws people to him, and women in particular respond to him very well. Which, sometimes means men object to him on those grounds alone, but it's still hilarious that they never seem to realize that if he's getting that attention right then and there that he's getting the same attention at other times and places too.
They get so wrapped up in their ego, they never stop to think, "gee, that's a homely, scrawny disabled guy, and he's got women all over him, maybe I should pick up some tips".
Spider's brand of masculinity is so far outside of what men think they're supposed to be, that they feel lessened by him succeeding at the metrics they think are important, without having to follow their rules. Meanwhile, he's living his best life and just does not care about machismo. He's all "I can't be something I'm not, and what I am is good enough for my girlfriends and friends."
And that is why Spider is my homie, even when he gets me in fights and whips his dick out any time he abuses it so I can tell him if he needs a doctor or not.
Yeah, this is what men should be a lot more focused on, men should all live by the motto of your friend Spider. The insecurity of the straight man is so harmful, not just to them but to everyone around them. And, uh, I hope you're comfortable and consenting if he's whipping his dick out on you lol!
It's Spider, he knows I have washed and dried more dicks than some porn stars. I used to be a nurse's assistant. Everybody I know ends up wanting me to look at something somewhere they'd rather not anyone see. "Oh, I have a rash on my junk, but I don't want the doctor looking at it, or the nurses. I know! I'll ask south, he knows what dicks and buttholes are supposed to look like!"
It's a curse. And a blessing