this post was submitted on 14 Jan 2024
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I don't think anyone here really knows. The only people who know are defectors, and not only are defectors themselves not always reliable (Yeonmi Park being the obvious example), documentaries and interviews where defectors tell their experiences will often be edited to fit certain narratives. Not even necessarily for nefarious purposes, but for the same reason that spooky, ominous music plays when a documentary shows a lion sneak up to a gazelle. Telling scary stories about how kim jong-un will execute your family for wearing a tie he finds ugly will keep audiences more interested than "it really isn't all that special over there, you guys" and since there's 0 consequences for making up outrageous lies (since nobody is able or willing to fact check you), that's what we get.
I'm more inclined to believe what I hear from the DPRK itself, but I don't think anyone here can truly tell you what life over there is like.
I have distant second hand experience I guess. I've known two people who lived in the DPRK as transfer students, both Indonesian. They describe it to me as like most other places in Asia, just poorer. But you're right, I have no idea what it's like living there long term and I've never spoken with someone born there. It's extremely rare to personally know a North Korean, so wild stories get passed around.