had this post stuck in my head since yesterday and i love it

This post is for all of the gender questioners who lurk around these parts and feel like their experiences don’t line up with other people’s. I write this as a trans person who has no clear indication of what s/he’s transitioning to.

In the last few years, I’ve gone through extensive questioning and experimentation with my gender all up until my recent hatching. During this time, I’ve met so many different kinds of beautiful people on this site. Over a year and a few accounts, I’ve talked with binary trans people, non-binary trans people, bigender people, people who have detransitioned, queer people, and many others who have been incredibly supportive when sharing their experiences and supporting my journey. I think the people who I have interacted with the most over this time, though, is the group that I belong to myself—gender anxious people—gender weird people. The people who aren’t even sure if they’re unhappy with their gender and their body.

I stayed quiet for a long time because I didn’t feel like my experience lined up with anyone else’s, but when I started posting, I started seeing one comment in particular. I wrote this comment to others, and people wrote it to me, and others wrote it to others.

“Are you me?”

After literal years of questioning, it took maybe two hours in the mega to have multiple people replying to me telling me that they felt the same way. If I don’t relate to the experience, I don’t reply, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen the call “does anyone else feel this way?” go unanswered. Other people feel the way you do about your body and gender.

Many of us feel like we’re in a gendered box, and we’re asking for permission to leave it. We want to know that our reasons are good for leaving the box. We feel like we need a clear destination of where we want to go after we’re out of the box. The truth is that we don’t need any of these things. We just have to want to leave the box—that’s it.

I was stunned when I read Trans Liberation because it had hardly anything to do with binary trans people at all. That book is about all of us, all the weird stuff sprinkled from binary to binary (including the binaries!).

Let me dispel a few myths for you:

1. There is not a prerequisite amount of pain that you need to feel to prove you want to change your gender or gender expression. You don’t need to be sick at the sight of your body. It doesn’t matter if you’re comfortable living they way you are. If you want to change your gender expression just because you think it might make you happier, that’s the only reason you need.

2. There is no number of signs that you need to collect that will validate your experience and choice. You don’t need an epiphany where you “knew for sure.” You don’t need to have grown as a boy who always loved playing with Barbie or a girl who hated wearing skirts. Many trans people knew for sure, and they knew it for a long time, and that comes with its own challenges; however, it is not a necessary experience for all trans people. Some of us get halfway through our lives and just feel like we’d like to be something else.

I think a lot of us who grew up in the West are stuck on essentialist thought. We want to feel that there is something inherent to our existences that will tell us what our gender is. What we “truly are” deep down. What we’ve always known we are. For some people, this may be comforting; however, I think that there are other ways to think about it. For instance, we can look at gender through the lens of practice, and we can ask ourselves how each of us practice our gender each day. Most cis people practice their genders daily, but it’s invisible to them. Once you start practicing your gender differently, that’s when things start to come into focus.

Once I started dressing in women’s clothing and painting my nails, you won’t believe how many straight cis guys came out of the woodwork to give positive feedback. They tell me things like “I always wished I could paint my nails, but I never had the guts” or “I’ve always been jealous of women’s clothing. I don’t feel like I have any options in menswear.” These are dudes who have probably never complimented another man’s outfit in their entire lives, but, when confronted with someone outside of the rigid gender box, they start admitting that they want to paint their nails and wear dresses.

So, what I’m saying is, regardless of where you fall on the gender/sexuality spectrum—even if you just want to break the rules a little—your gender expression is beyond valid. Your simple existence is revolutionary because it’s a challenge to a rigid binary gendered society.

Don’t believe your existence is revolutionary? Try to practice your gender in a non-sanctioned way. You’ll feel the counterrevolution real fast. If you’re a guy and you do something as simple as grow out your hair, you will be constantly socially policed. Push the gender binary just a little bit further than that, and you’re very realistically facing violent opposition in a fascist society. Don’t think being a crossdresser is valid? It’s valid enough to get you outlawed or thrown in a pit. These non-conforming gender identities, no matter how subtle, stand in complete opposition to the fascist project. You being publicly weird robs them of one more mechanism of social control.

So, if you take anything from this post, please let it be this:

1. If you think nobody else feels the way you do, start asking and finding the people who do.

2. Don’t get hung up on the validity of your feelings or reasons—they’re all real. Not every option is available to every person, but there are things within your power now to start practicing and exploring. Start practicing. It really doesn’t need to be big. start slow. You don't need to start HRT tomorrow, or ever, for that matter. Do what is fun and safe. It's your body to manage the way you please.

I hope to see more folks in the mega. It’s really been popping off lately.

Btw, even if, by some freak chance nobody feels the way you do, you’re STILL going to get good ass advice from our expert posters. There’s no gatekeeping happening.

cross-posted from: https://lemmygrad.ml/post/4293617 (The original post by Sovereign State)

Oops!

I feel kind of silly. I spent 12-13 years knowing internally that I am a woman. I regularly "pretended" to be a woman online as a kid and teenager. I have always preferred my "feminine" features and appreciated the "feminine" side of my personality far more than the "masculine". I used the nonbinary label as a shield, protecting myself from the truth for years.

I got out of a really rough, codependent relationship in 2023. I was told a lot of really horrible things about myself that I know now aren't true, but believed at the time. A lot of things that had me examining my supposed manhood and the more toxic parts thereof. I "came out" as cis. I created the Men's Liberation community here (and proceeded to not take an active role there due to depression and... well, this.)

I read a lot about masculinity and manhood, and began using my 'maleness' as a means to get better, as a means to do better, to be better. It would allow me to more critically examine the ways I was socialized and more adequately deconstruct them. It did, for a time.

In the midst of my stint with manhood, I met a couple of people who knew the truth. Before we had even spoken to each other beyond base pleasantries, they would talk about me using she/her pronouns. After we got to talking, I felt like I could be queer again, be me again. I have found my people and my home, and in doing so I have managed to find myself again.

I am a woman. I start HRT within the week. I am so, so excited. I am a woman.

NOTE: I will repeat, I, as the crossposter, am not trans... I am merely crossposting from Sovereign State's post... I just try to give attention to it....

highlights:

Franklin County Common Pleas Judge Michael Holbrook issued a two-week temporary restraining order on Tuesday to block House Bill 68. The legislation would prohibit Ohio’s children’s hospitals from providing treatment like hormone therapy to trans minors, and was set to take effect on April 24.

~~lowlights~~ lowlifes:

Rep. Gary Click (R-Vickery), the primary sponsor of H.B. 68, said on Tuesday he was “disappointed, but not surprised,” and argued “the longer this bill is in the waiting, the more harm takes place.” Click noted he knew, from the day he introduced H.B. 68, that it would be “a marathon, not a sprint,” and said he would “keep fighting for kids in Ohio.”

“We’ve seen this in other states where the lower courts will put on a stay and then it moves up to an upper court until it finally gets to the court of final authority and that’s where we win,” said Click. “The science is not there, is not a social issue, this is not a part of the culture wars, this is a medical scandal what we’re doing to our kids.”

thankfully, they at least immediately correct his bullshit:

Gender-affirming care is backed by every major medical association in the nation, including the American Medical Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics, and the American Psychological Association. To override medical consensus is “government overreach,” the ACLU said and promised it will “reinstate Ohio families’ right to make personal medical decisions with healthcare providers — not politicians.”

...

“Anytime we are in a situation when we are micro-managing medical professionals, I think that is incredibly damaging, let alone the fact we are literally banning medical best practices,” said Bruno. “I can not emphasize enough how ridiculous that is.”

it's not world-shaking, but it's not nothing

My expectations for my kid's rights here in Ohio are very low, and I've been trying to gently suggest Michigan etc as fun places to go to college. I don't want him to go far away, but I want him to be safe, so 🤷

But meanwhile - hey, maybe the creep of fascism can be slowed a little bit in the courts! That'd be great.

This can work as a community banner or a profile banner, I think.

Here is the full sized version

Might end up making some other stuff similar to this at some point. Or maybe some cute trans cat cartoon stuff

Tennessee has recently passed a bill, effective July 1st 2024, declaring it a class-C felony to "recruit, harbor, or transport an unemancipated minor within this state" for transgender healthcare procedures, carrying a sentence of 3-15 years in prison. This applies over state lines and states that do not have anti-extradition laws relating to trans rights can extradite you to Tennessee.

Notably: the bill is vague. This means: telling stories of your own transition, describing your healthcare experiences to an open group chat, describing your trans experiences on a public website, creating trans health guides online, describing how you have gotten DIY HRT, describing anything to do with trans healthcare, even as a cis person, can result in a class-C felony conviction.

Given that being arrested in any capacity for transgender people can be an incredibly dangerous experience (CW: SV), I strongly suggest you begin caring about opsec, stop referring to where you live, use VPNs, stop using apps like Discord, and stop using social media sites that track your IP or user agent fingerprint while unprotected. Remember that for a bill like this to be challenged in court, you have to be arrested first.

Will discuss creating / linking to a transgender matrix chat so that we can help people to move off of things like discord.

link

I went on an Omegle video chat alternative. I know that sounds gross, but I was just hella bored and had a chat there with someone who had broken speakers, so even though he wanted to use video chat, I had to type everything out to chat with this bozo.

I've been feeling dysphoric and "mannish" lately, and I assume that everyone sees me as male, especially when I speak because my voice is still masculine.

On this one chat where I don't use my voice though, this stranger on this site types, "Are you a boy or a girl? I literally can't tell".

I was about to shit myself on the spot, so I immediately disconnected and left the site.

I was like "No fucking way. There's NO way he said that. That can't be true! What the fuck? What did he see that got him to think I was anything but male!".

I'm non-binary, and I definitely love being androgynous, so this hit me even better than him assuming I'm a woman would.

I told all of this to my group chat of trans friends I know in real life, and they said "No, you actually do look very androgynous. We're not joking.".

I'm shocked, but overall, I'm feeling a shit ton of gender euphoria right now. I so fucking needed this after all the recent dysphoric episodes I've had. They have absolutely not been pretty.

This has been a rare Angel W.

While I want to talk about it sometimes, it’s probably the best course of action to not talk about it, at all.

It makes me sad sometimes.

I was in my usual work wear, full makeup, my prosthetics, etc. I wanted to grab some kombucha and there was a guy going through the usual type that I buy. Brief banter between him and I about the flavors, and it's clear that I drink it. This bro tells me that I should really drink it because it's good for your gut bacteria... Like dude, no shit... I brushed it off, but I realized a day later that I was just man-splained to, probably means I was passing, I believe it's called eww-phoria.

unrelatedly i just finished the hg gundam calibarn, which is a really nice build. very clean design, the white plastic has a nice feel. i wish the show and its role in it were better but the gundam itself leaning into the witch aesthetic with the big broomstick gun jet thing is extremely good. stickers are always a pain but this time the only truly problematic stickers were the green ones on the gun broomstick thing. pain in my fucking ass, but outside that a really great build as expected from the wfm line

I've carefully curated things to where my feed is actually pretty good and I've had little to no problems with it. Then out of nowhere I'm getting all these transphobic recommendations, especially detransitioner content. It was a wild departure from the usual and way beyond the amount of topic specific recs that I'll get if I look up something specific. It was really gross and I was already having a dysphoria day. Fuck YouTube.

Also videos from gender criticals. It's so incredibly upsetting. One thing I've noticed is that there is simultaneously a claim that we are being lied to, and yet when trans content creators talk about their surgery complications it's used as ammunition against us and our care. Which is it? I have always found that trans creators are fully open about the risks and complications that can happen from surgery and yet I still desperately yearn to have it even though I know recovery is going to suck. I have to hear this GC rhetoric from my parents and it breaks my heart. I just want to live my life as the woman I was always meant to be. To grow old and die as a woman. To finally have a chance at happiness. Why do we have to justify our existence? Why can't they just leave us alone?

Among my innumerable pronoun sets is ꙮ/ꙮm/ꙮr/ꙮrs/ꙮself. I have never actually been called these pronouns because everyone gravitates towards she/her and xe/xem, which are my favorite sets; but ꙮ/ꙮm still remain listed in case someone would be so unimaginably based as to actually use them.

How do you type ꙮ/ꙮm/ꙮr? Well either you copy-paste, or you know how to type Unicode characters (I can't figure this out TBH), or you have a custom keyboard layout that maybe lets you type the Cyrillic multiocular O by hitting AltGr+O or something — or you perhaps do what I do, which is that I use the custom dictionary feature of my Japanese IME such that ⟨Se⟩ brings up ⟨ꙮ⟩, likewise ⟨Sm⟩ → ⟨ꙮm⟩, ⟨Sr⟩ → ⟨ꙮr⟩, ⟨Sz⟩ → ⟨ꙮrs⟩, and ⟨Ss⟩ → ⟨ꙮself⟩.

Alright, the obvious next question: how do you actually read ꙮ/ꙮm/ꙮr out loud???

—The answer is that nothing is necessarily stopping you from reading ꙮ/ꙮm/ꙮr in any way you like, in fact nothing even stipulates that you need to use the inflections ꙮm/ꙮr rather than any other inflectional pattern; but nevertheless I personally prefer the readings seraph/seraphim/seraphyr/seraphyrs/seraphimself... Get it? It's like, you reinterpret the Hebrew masculine plural suffix as an analogy of him and them, and then you derive the possessive forms from her and hers with spelling influenced by zephyr and xyr. I like to imagine that I am clever sometimes, huh!

If one is to use the seraph/seraphim readings, however, then one may also use any number of reduced forms in unstressed positions, to more clearly signal the word's pronominality: /s/ may be rendered as [z] and /f/ may be rendered as [v], and /ɛɹə/ may be rendered as [ɛɹ̠ʷ] [ɹ̠ʷ] [ə] [ə̥] or may be deleted entirely; and we may observe resyllabification effects with adjacent words as well. The exact form of reduction of ꙮ/ꙮm/ꙮr depends on how extreme the reduction is on a spectrum, as well as the environment surrounding the reduced form — such as whether it's before or after a vowel vs consonant, before or after a voiced or voiceless sound, things like that.

In any case, you might think that it's a bit counterintuitive to get "seraph" and "seraphim" from ꙮ/ꙮm, at least if you're unaware of the fact that the Cyrillic multiocular O represents the many eyes of the seraphim... But if that's the case, then you can simply add ruby characters: {ꙮ|seraph}, {ꙮ|seraphi}m, {ꙮ|seraphy}r, {ꙮ|seraphy}rs, {ꙮ|seraphim}self. And if you're writing on a website or program that does not support ruby characters, then that's their problem, not yours.

• Obstruction
• Boiler #4
• Lightly Used 2008 Honda Accord
• Rémoulade
• Yorkie
• Lock

Do with them what you will.

No conditions for my trans comrades.

you can't be talking like that cis youtuber!