this post was submitted on 28 Oct 2023
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And Finally...

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A Polish bishop has apologised as he confirmed his resignation weeks after a sex worker passed out at a hidden orgy, allegedly organised by one of his clergy.

...

It's alleged the orgy was arranged by Tomasz Zmarzly, the parish priest, and with several other clergy showing up to take part.

Polish press alleged that a participant, a 27-year-old male sex worker, passed out at the party after "overdosing on erectile dysfunction tables" at around 1am.

...

The individual is claimed to have recovered in hospital and later discharged himself.

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[–] smeg@feddit.uk 128 points 2 years ago (1 children)

The individual is claimed to have recovered in hospital and later discharged himself

A shame he wasn't able to discharge himself during the orgy, but glad the story had a happy ending.

[–] Blapoo@lemmy.ml 36 points 2 years ago

A+

Gold star

No notes

[–] FatLegTed@feddit.uk 46 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Bishop binned because of buggery bachannalia balls up.

[–] ivanafterall@kbin.social 19 points 2 years ago

Priest Punished Post-Private Penis Party with Passed-Out Patrons

[–] roguetrick@kbin.social 9 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Well done, though I would prefer

Bishop binned because buggery bachannalia breaks bad.

Of course that requires mixing both American and British idioms

[–] Emperor@feddit.uk 36 points 2 years ago (2 children)

I have questions...

Like would the bishop have been bashed if the orgy had gone right?

[–] rubikcuber@feddit.uk 27 points 2 years ago (4 children)

I'm sorry to say I clicked on the link.

"overdosing on erectile dysfunction tables"

I have more questions.

[–] Emperor@feddit.uk 25 points 2 years ago

They're like times tables but harder.

[–] NatakuNox@lemmy.world 11 points 2 years ago

They mean it when they say, "please call 911 if erection last more than 4 hours." by the fifth hour of salad tossing and having to hold his breath, he was near death.

[–] 15liam20@feddit.uk 5 points 2 years ago

There is always a danger when taking hard drugs.

[–] I_am_10_squirrels@beehaw.org 2 points 2 years ago

Probably oak, since it's a

Hard wood 😎

[–] LazaroFilm@lemmy.world 6 points 2 years ago (1 children)

That… that was my question.

[–] AFKBRBChocolate@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago

Probably a typo of "tablets." They mean Viagra.

[–] Zehzin@lemmy.world 34 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

What do you do at a rectory if not gay sex. It's called a rectory, for Pete's sake.

[–] Stunning@lemm.ee 5 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I thought it was for the sake of Jesus?

[–] Zehzin@lemmy.world 7 points 2 years ago

Clergymen get upset when you use His name like that.

Wait a minute, clergy almost sounds like orgy, these dudes are bound to bang each other.

[–] paddirn@lemmy.world 32 points 2 years ago

It’s the people you most suspected.

[–] FoundTheVegan@kbin.social 30 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (2 children)

The bishop resigned, but the priest who organized the orgy is taking a different route.

Zmarzly has protested his innocence despite being suspended and made a public statement to Deon, a Polish Catholic news website.

The statement reads: "I regard this [allegation] as a blatant attack on the Church, including its clergy and followers, in order to disparage its position, its work and its mission."

Dude. Just come out of the closet. God didn't ordain your orgy.

[–] ivanafterall@kbin.social 20 points 2 years ago

Priest Defends Missionary Position Following Gay Orgy

LMAO you can’t do orgies as a priest, dude. Take that shit up with the pope LOL

[–] Karyoplasma@discuss.tchncs.de 25 points 2 years ago (4 children)

As long as all participants of that orgy were consenting adults, I have no problem with that.

[–] PrincessLeiasCat@sh.itjust.works 16 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

I have a problem with all of them telling others that they are sinning if they don’t remain abstinent until marriage and even then never use protection or birth control and obviously only the hetero kind is allowed in both cases.

I have a friend who is a gay man and was happily out of the closet. Then his mom died and he blames himself and his “deviant” lifestyle for her death. As a result, he turned to hardcore Catholicism and is at church every day atoning for his “sin” and trying to lead a life of abstinence. It’s fucking disgusting how much he’s changed in just a few short years because of this ancient bullshit.

[–] Pyr_Pressure@lemmy.ca 13 points 2 years ago

It's just the hypocrisy that's an issue for me

[–] Rambi@lemm.ee 10 points 2 years ago

Well they did try to prevent paramedics from entering the church after one of the sex workers OD'd on viagra.

However I would like to add that the Express is basically a far-right hyper nationalistic paper in the UK that only the most Brexit pilled simpletons read. I almost think they're only covering the story because it's a Polish priest and most of their readers despise people from Poland.

Granted I think think the web version of the Express is less crazy than the physical newspaper, and I'm sure the story is pretty much entirely true. It would just be good to use essentially any other news publication as a source instead.

[–] ChaoticNeutralCzech@feddit.de 21 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

Rectory: portmentau of “rectum” and “sorry”

[–] Emperor@feddit.uk 6 points 2 years ago

Seminary: portmanteau word of "semen", "in" and "Harry".

[–] TomMasz@kbin.social 17 points 2 years ago

There's just enough ambiguity in his apology that you can't be sure he's apologizing for the orgy or just the guy that OD'd on Viagra.

[–] Squorlple@lemmy.world 16 points 2 years ago

“I'm gonna be alone in the seminary with him — in the rectory? I mean, these are very triggering words” - Mac

[–] LetKCater2U@sh.itjust.works 13 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Another participant who had allegedly been ejected from the party, rang the emergency services for help, but on arrival, a team of paramedics were barred from entering.

I have more questions. What’d this guy do to get kicked out of a Catholic gay orgy?

[–] Emperor@feddit.uk 6 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Used the Lord's name in vein? Rosary anal beads?

[–] LetKCater2U@sh.itjust.works 3 points 2 years ago (1 children)

😂😂 I choose to believe it was rosary anal beads.

[–] Emperor@feddit.uk 2 points 2 years ago

You have chosen... wisely.

[–] PrincessLeiasCat@sh.itjust.works 11 points 2 years ago

This is amazing.

[–] noodle@feddit.uk 8 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Not sure how making a sex worker take an overdose of boner pills is supposed to go right but whatever.

[–] RizzRustbolt@lemmy.world -2 points 2 years ago

Forgot to invite any broads.

[–] telllos@lemmy.world 7 points 2 years ago

...and later discharged himself.

[–] shiveyarbles@beehaw.org 5 points 2 years ago (1 children)

They were hoping Jesus would show up, all they got was a busload of boners.

[–] 15liam20@feddit.uk 10 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Why would he show up? Was it supposed to the the second cumming?

[–] shiveyarbles@beehaw.org 4 points 2 years ago

Ok settle down

[–] Steve@startrek.website 5 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Read the article.