Do you think the pearly gates have one of those "You must be THIS high to ride" signs outside?
this post was submitted on 02 Aug 2025
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Short people will not go to heaven.
Well, obviously. They can't reach.
Short people got no reason to live
What about people who wear solid color t-shirts that have long-ass slogans on them which are super specific and seemingly only apply to a single person on the entire face of the Earth often written in a variety of fonts and font-sizes and including bizarre details about their lives like the t-shirt that was given to me by my same-sex lover on the second Saturday in June of 2021 to celebrate the fact that I managed to clear an entire thornless blackberry bush of berries that we used to make the most delicious blackberry cobbler from that very same evening?
What's hilarious is I actually have that shirt
Who hurt you?
"Fuck short people" - Randy Newman
Lemmyshortpost
When I got my first tattoo 30 years ago, my then mother-in-law said I'd be in prison soon enough. So far I've managed to be a good citizen (it seems following the law is easy), but I've got a plan for this to prove her right. When I'm about to go bye bye , I'm going to strip naked and run around on live TV, probably at a sporting event. That will at least get me arrested, and if I resist arrest and generally be annoying, I'm might go to prison to let the state pay for all the medical things associated with my demise. These tattoos are a bad influence. Hell awaits.
my mom said i'd go to prison if i got an electric bike and she's right. the local prison has a bike shop as part of their programs and i bought my bike there
Nobody will go to heaven because heaven is not real.
I would sooner ride a camel through the eye of a needle than go to heaven
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Did Randy Newman answer your question personally?
Heavn is a human construct, so really, nobody's going there.
Overcook chicken? Believe it or not, also no heaven
Did you ever pet a dog the wrong direction and make their hair all scrunchified? Also no heaven.
No, but I have done that to a cat, so I can't go to hell either.
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Well since I’m already short and can’t do anything about it, I guess I’m free to have as much pork, alcohol, and tattoos as I please!
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What if god said you may go to heaven only if you climb these stairs but you're on a wheelchair type shit
Removed tattoos, just like lost limbs, will return when you enter Heaven.
Not excited about getting my impacted wisdom teeth back. I'm starting to think God's a bit of a dick.
Ah, so when entering heaven, I'll get mind back?
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lol I can’t believe grown ass adults believe this shit. I’m surprised most people dont start questioning this after they learn about Santa clause.
Santa was not on the Epstein list, I promise you.
but, like trump, he knew. santa knows about all the kiddo predators, he fucking sees you while you're sleeping and knows when you're awake, why isn't santa doing anything?
He's always been just another oligarchy stooge. He works for Coca-Cola Company after all.
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I know... A while ago I was having a conversation with a Christian co-worker who was obviously working up to some kind of "witnessing" (as someone who grew up in an Evangelical Church, I know when it's coming).
I told her that I know all about it, and I will never believe it. Before she could tell me I was angry at god, I told her that it isn't possible and it wouldn't make sense because it would be like "being mad at Santa Claus."
I think she was seriously taken aback. Like it blew her mind haha
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Sounds like heaven is not for cool kids
you can't climb the ladder to heaven if you're short since the rungs are too far apart
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tattoos will go to heaven will go heaven will go to heaven will go to heaven
You guys, I think I decrypted the secret message.
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I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints. The sinners have much more fun. Only the good die young.
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