If I had to cancel on a friend and I saw them post this comic afterwards I'd probably cry.
this post was submitted on 25 Jul 2025
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Yeah def would never want to burden them again
I don't understand why people are making plans they don't want to do. I see this kind of thing all the time and I don't get it at all. I like doing stuff. That's why I agreed to do it. I got invited to something I didn't want to do this weekend, and I said no thanks. Just sitting at home scrolling the internet or playing a video game is fine, but it's way less rewarding than doing stuff with other people.
Maybe the internet just selects more for introverts and sad people?
We make plans because we recognise from a logical perspective that it's a good thing for our wellbeing to maintain social relationships, to have friends, to leave the house, and to do things.
But then when the time comes for the actual thing to happen, we are dreading it and don't want to do it. This may be because we are sad, tired, depressed, weary, socially anxious, or any number of things.
If forced to do the thing, we will generally feel afterwards that it was worth doing, and happy about going, and proud that we did it, but also probably exhausted from social stress.
We won't cancel events ourselves - again because we recognise logically that it's a good thing to do and we should do it - But if it gets cancelled by the other party it feels like an absolute blessing. Now the day has suddenly been freed from all stress, and we don't have to worry anymore - and we aren't the ones to blame!
I did not account for over-thinking myself into 2 anxiety attacks and going no contact with everyone until I'm rational again when planning the event that caused the anxiety attacks.
I can only speak for myself, but there are plenty of times when the plans sound great in theory, a few days/weeks ahead of the thing. But then when the thing is imminent, that excitement turns to anxiety. It usually has nothing to do with not wanting to do the thing or see the people, but some more gut-level aversion to having your time pre-committed on a day where your body feels the need to just chill or recharge your social battery.
I mean, I wanted to do the plans at the time. Now the plans are an obligation taking up valuable brain ram and I suddenly have less room for things I might want to do as they come up. I just want to be in the position to do more stuff I want in the moment, like make plans for lunch with my friend :(
I'm an extrovert and I love seeing people and I make plans that people bail on all the time. Almost always last minute.
At the same time, I kinda get it. There's a lot of build up and expectation to do stuff and it feels like a relief to no longer be obliged to do.
Posts like this are so alien to me that it makes me wonder if I'm secretly an extrovert
No, other people cancelling last minute fucks up everything, I've already set aside time for this and spent time waiting for this. I basically couldn't do anything else that day, and now they fucking cancelled so it was all for nothing? Fuck that, it's annoying as hell and now my day is wasted...
Hey, wanna go camping next week?
Here, I'll do you a favor and cancel immediately.
On the other hand, I now have free time I would have otherwise not planned for.
So I can think of what ambitious thing I want to do or learn, spend the day deciding on it, and then "maybe tomorrow" it for 5 years until I finally forget.
Over 3 years ago at some point I decided to learn C++ and Japanese (I had free time). I'd still kinda like to, at least C++, the human language to learn has changed, but I don't quite have time today, so maybe tomorrow. (Not made up)
Exactly, now i have time that instead of being spent nurturing a friendship is just lost to my own inability to do stuff...and because i kind of want to do something but can't get my self to do it, I end up hating the idle alone time instead. If it's planned alone time I love it.
I feel you. Ive been maybe tomorrow for about 5 years at this point.
But it ain't tomorrow.
To quote Larry David, every cancelled plan is a triumph.
Been there
ITT a lot of people with pretty severe mental health issues who really need help if socialization is this detrimental for them
