this post was submitted on 18 Jul 2025
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Context: We're in a bit of a heat wave and my daughter loves to cool down by splashing in water. Today was no different.

Once she was done, I say to her "Let's get you out of that wet dress. I imagine it must be uncomfortable. I've never actually worn a wet dress before".

Before I can follow that up with "I've worn wet clothes before, and that's not the nicest", my wife jumps in and claims that me saying I've never worn a wet dress is sexist.

Is it?

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[–] Jarix@lemmy.world 1 points 1 hour ago

I think a more useful way to go about this, is to suggest to OP is to connect specifics to how you can perceive of anything in the post as described being sexist.

The goal being to show just how much of a stretch it takes for anyone responding to be able to view it that way.

So how can "I've never worn a wet dress before" possibly be considered, by adding context before someone would respond with that.

[–] madcaesar@lemmy.world 14 points 18 hours ago

🀣

This is either AI slop or your wife is a lunatic.

[–] Perspectivist@feddit.uk 29 points 1 day ago

I don't get her logic at all. No amount of mental gymnastics allows me to find anything sexist in that.

[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 122 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I'm going to be blunt, this reads like reddit rage bait. As such, I'll respond that way, then give a more neutral answer in case it's real.

The response to it as bait is that anyone saying that seriously is an idiot.

More neutral, anyone saying that has an obligation to explain themselves because it makes no sense by itself. And it doesn't.

[–] spankmonkey@lemmy.world 24 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (2 children)

The response to it as bait is that anyone saying that seriously is an idiot.

If you are referring to this:

Once she was done, I say to her β€œLet’s get you out of that wet dress. I imagine it must be uncomfortable. I’ve never actually worn a wet dress before”.

That is just someone who blurts out a thought they had after saying something else, pretty common with ADHD. Like at first they were thinking about wet shorts, which can get pretty uncomfortable fast if they aren't made to get wet, then realized dresses might not have the same feeling since they aren't connected in the middle. I could absolutely see myself saying something along these lines depending on the material of the clothing and the appearance of how it sticks to the body.

If you mean the wife's reaction then asking her would be necessary because I have no idea where she is coming from that would make something like that sound sexist.

[–] blarghly@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

They were talking about the wife's reaction.

[–] teamevil@lemmy.world 8 points 2 days ago

I feel like you can see inside my ADHD

[–] Deestan@lemmy.world 56 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Not obviously, but it sounds like she is making a connection you don't know what is.

You should ask her to explain what she means, so you'll either understand that oh it was sexist didn't think about it like that, or disagree on some knowable point.

[–] actionjbone@sh.itjust.works 9 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Yeah, this exactly. She has context in mind that she didn't communicate with you. She may not realize you don't know her context.

Best thing is to say something like, "I'm sorry for saying the thing you said was sexist. I'll try to avoid making sexist remarks. But I'm not sure what was sexist about it, and I want to learn why so that I don't do it again."

Whether or not you think you owe her an apology, starting like that may help prevent her from getting defensive. That way, you can have a clearer conversation about it.

Whether or not it was actually sexist, she clearly had a reason for believing it was. And, agree or not, the reason is real to her.

[–] thebestaquaman@lemmy.world 21 points 2 days ago (1 children)

In general, I don't think it's right to lie down flat whenever someone accuses you of saying something wrong, just because they think it was wrong.

It should be pretty fair to respond with a simple "why is that sexist? I think wet clothes are uncomfortable, so I assumed others did as well."

[–] actionjbone@sh.itjust.works 4 points 2 days ago (2 children)

It's not about lying down, it's about de-escalating.

That can be a touchy subject, so a little bit of humility helps prevent hurt feelings.

[–] blarghly@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

You don't have to admit fault to de-escalate. You can just say "I'm feeling confused and a bit hurt right now. I'd like to revisit this when I am not feeling this way."

[–] undefined@lemmy.hogru.ch 8 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

To add to that, I know that if I just came out and said exactly β€œwhy is that sexist?” it probably would sound like I’m copping an attitude. So I think/agree that it’d be safer to approach it more delicately.

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 45 points 2 days ago

......I think your wife wants to dress you up in dresses?

What? No that's not sexist

[–] Sunsofold@lemmings.world 21 points 2 days ago

Classic. It's only sexist if you are sexist. If you assume dresses are 'womens' clothes,' and that women are inferior, it's possibly sexist because you are elevating yourself by declaring yourself to not be one of those lowly dress-wearers. If you don't have that internalized misogyny, it's just a statement of boring fact.

[–] DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works 16 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Is this r/AITA and r/AmIOverreacting in a trenchcoat?

[–] TribblesBestFriend@startrek.website 5 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Pretty sure that’s 3 raccoon in a trench coat

[–] Rozz@lemmy.sdf.org 5 points 2 days ago

... in a wet dress

[–] Onomatopoeia@lemmy.cafe 13 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Ask her to explain what's sexist about saying that.

Is it sexist to say "I've never worn wet Billy Bob brand underwear"?

Sounds to me like she has some hangups.

Also, did you mean it to be sexist? No? Then it wasn't. She's decided to hear it that way and lay some nonsense on you.

Honestly, had that been me, I would've busted out laughing at the inanity.

[–] memfree@lemmy.ml 12 points 2 days ago

You're probably focusing on the wrong thing. My guess is that while you think she was reacting to what you said, she was probably reacting to something else. For example, if you have boys who wore wet clothes without comment, or if you yourself have worn wet clothes without complaint, she might think it sexist to presume a female is required to be more modest than a male. She might have thought you were acting as if your immature child was vamping like she was in a wet t-shirt contest rather than a squirmy toddler (no idea what age your girl is, tho) and that your reaction was too embarrassed. It could have been a number of things, but you'd have to ask her to find out.

[–] daggermoon@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago
[–] bizarroland@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I could see some sort of connection between, like, there's a pickup line where a guy would dip his fingers in a glass of water and flick a few drops of water on a girls clothes, and then tell the woman, "hey, let's get you out of those wet clothes", but I don't see anything inherently sexist in what you said.

Maybe she is making that connection in her mind and just having a difficult time expressing it to you cogently.

[–] TheLeadenSea@sh.itjust.works 11 points 2 days ago (2 children)

That 'pickup line' sounds like a great way to make enemies.

[–] bizarroland@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

No, yes, it was even considered a bad pickup line back in the 80s or 70s or whenever the movie i saw that had that pickup line in it was made.

Like the whole point of the thing was to show the viewer what a douchebag this guy was so that when the main character showed up and wasn't a douchebag by comparison, you would go, "hey, that guy's not a douchebag, you should pick him over the douchebag."

[–] Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago

Most pickup lines are unless you're hot.

[–] dhork@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago

She might be conflating it with a wet t-shirt contest