this post was submitted on 08 Jun 2025
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Bisexual

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This is a community for bisexuals, their allies, friends, family, anyone curious about us or our community, or just people who want to hang out.

Bisexual means different things to different people, and I'm not going to tell you what it should mean to you. But one thing I will say is that being bisexual does NOT mean being trans-exclusionary. We love no matter what dingles, dongles, or dangles you do or do not have in your pants.

Of course, there are the basic rules. No hate speech, no brigading, no doxing, no homophobia, no transphobia, no sexism, no racism, no illegal material. Rules will be added as needed.

At the moment, we do not have a hard and fast rule over NSFW images or posts, but I will say that this is a community about bisexuality, not for porn. Please don't make me ban NSFW content altogether.

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Bisexual Erasure (lemmy.world)
submitted 4 weeks ago by HelterSkeletor@lemmy.world to c/bisexual@lemmy.world
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Let's discuss bisexual erasure. Have you experienced it? How has it affected you?

I've experienced erasure, I prefer feminine energy regardless of gender, as such I've had my sexuality dismissed by 'friends' and colleagues with statements like "that's just straight and horny" or the other end of the spectrum: "you're gay but clinging to social pressures"

I'm in a hetero-presenting relationship which just fuels the presumption of heterosexuality. I've been celebrated for being an ally and immediately dismissed when I suggested that I'm not an ally but a member. Makes seeing myself as a member... difficult.

There's a tension in some LGBTQ communities- lesbian communities in particular (gold star).

I'm interested in your feelings/experiences with erasure.

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[–] rowinxavier@lemmy.world 26 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

I've had some similar experiences. My partner and I are straight presenting though my partner is trans, so I guess that is temporary. I've been told that I am straight because I have sex with women, but also told I am gay because I have sex with men. Honestly it is just bigotry pure and simple, but it can get inside your head and mess you up.

At this point in time trans people are the target of the day, but once they are dealt with the bigots will come for the bisexuals, then for the gays and lesbians. The only way to protect all of us is to band together and protect our most vulnerable members.

[–] bendovertherainbow@lemmynsfw.com 9 points 4 weeks ago

That seems common - especially when it comes to gay men saying you're just gay and hiding it. Which is just extra gross to me from a group who should know better.

I've known a few who changed that tune over time, but it still seems such a common (and completely wrong) assumption from many gay men.

[–] JoMiran@lemmy.ml 19 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

[52] I've been dealing with that shit from both sides of the isle since the 1980's.

[–] HelterSkeletor@lemmy.world 10 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Has it gotten better or has the tone changed in your opinion?

[–] JoMiran@lemmy.ml 12 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

It is definitely better. It used to be fairly vicious but now more and more people are adopting the view of sexuality as a spectrum.

[–] DeceasedPassenger@lemmy.world 5 points 4 weeks ago

This is good to hear. Means we just have to keep pushing forwards.

[–] jerkface@lemmy.ca 13 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago) (1 children)

I totally relate. I feel like I'm outside the pride movement looking in, to the point where I've always approached it as if I WERE merely an "ally". My partner is trans! This was my first year trying to approach it as though it were about ME and not everyone I know. Still feels like stolen valor or something?

[–] HelterSkeletor@lemmy.world 9 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

"stolen valor"

Apt analogy. Every year pride comes around I also feel like an outsider.

[–] jerkface@lemmy.ca 2 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

I didn't hear or see the words "bi[sexual]" or "pan[sexual]" all day yesterday at my local Pride event. Roughly a hundred stalls about dozens of topics, didn't come up.

[–] Postmortal_Pop@lemmy.world 11 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Pan here, and we're in the same boat. My spouse and I are both it/them and a lot of people just decide we're being purposely obtuse for the attention.

On the upside it confuses the shit out of people because my spouse presents as conservatively feminine and I present as a flamboyantly gay man. We gush about each other vaguely so when our coworkers meet the other they're like, "how the fuck is this relationship a thing?"

[–] jerkface@lemmy.ca 8 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

I got my first "any pronouns" button yesterday!! I always felt like a jerk for telling people that, like I was making fun of the pronoun thing. It was so moving to see it printed on a pile of buttons sitting there for anyone to take and wear. I didn't even know it was a thing other people were doing until recently, I thought I was kind of on my own.

[–] Trev625@lemm.ee 9 points 4 weeks ago

I'm in a closed poly triad (MFF) so my girlfriends who are bi finally stopped getting the comments you're talking about as they both have a M and F partner. It's sad that it took that for people to stop making those comments. It sucks that you have to have one of each partner for people to consider your bi-ness "real".

Not exactly related but I also get the "outsider" feeling when it comes to pride as I've always considered myself straight (I never would pursue a guy but if a hot guy pursued me I would probably enjoy it) and now I've gotten comments calling me "double straight" as I have two female partners. Poly isn't exactly in the LGBTQ so I definitely get the "ally" treatment.

[–] Alloi@lemmy.world 9 points 4 weeks ago

regardless of outside views, we exist whether they like it or not. have for all time, will for all time.

[–] garbagebagel@lemmy.world 6 points 4 weeks ago

Ace, and same. Also the oversexualization of the queer community adds another layer of exclusion for people like me.

I'm also in a straight relationship and, although I know myself and know that the types of attraction I do feel go any which way, and that ace people are valid members of the LGBTQIA+ community, I am always feeling all the imposter syndrome.

[–] scarabic@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago

I’ve been in a hetero marriage for over 15 years and have reached an age where no one much cares to hear about my sexuality regardless. Talk about erasure ;D