this post was submitted on 01 Jun 2023
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I'm in a similar boat. I have nothing but respect for the people of the DPRK. I think living there or China would be amazing. That being said I think I'd be too ashamed to try and live in NK. Like I know I wasn't even born when the US massacred them and have nothing to do with how our country continues to fuck them over, but I just can't get over it. Like every day I'd feel like I should just apologize to someone. That and idk how I could even contribute to their society. There's nothing I feel I could do that someone in their country couldn't do just as well or better. I honestly feels that way I couldn't go to China either. I just have nothing that makes me stand out to be truly worth it other than just wanting to live and work peaceful.
You young? I'm mid-20s. When I was a teen, I thought I wouldn't live to see these years. My birthday is tomorrow. I'm a cashier. I feel very similarly about lack of overall usefulness... but I'm convincing myself that I can become useful. Somewhen somehow somewhere. Eventually.
We have time. Apocalypse is around the bend, but we've got time. We have to have time - convincing ourselves we don't is a surefire way to wind up doing absolutely nothing with the time we do have and then wondering where it all went when it finally runs out. Time is not a privilege or luxury for everyone.
I'm on the brink of homelessness, but I've got time. I will do something with this lifetime in service to the international socialist project. Somewhere somewhen somehow, yeah?
I am not so young anymore. Mid 30s. Things starting to ache. Not sure I can stomach going back to school. Mind isn't as sharp as it used to be anyway. Learning and focusing on learning is harder. I've had too many years of stress and sleep troubles. I know I'm not THAT old but I FEEL so much older. So much time I wasted. I wish I had learned about the truth of communism a decade ago. Back when I had more time to set myself on a better course. Plan things out better. Right now I'm just focusing on keeping my head above water and hope some better opportunity presents itself I just don't know what else to do.