this post was submitted on 18 Mar 2024
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This just reminded me of a moment I had, years ago.
I was so stressed from work, working on my 6th burnout for the year.
I was meant to be getting stuff for dinner from the supermarket.
I had money, that wasn't the issue. But I didn't have a shopping list. My partner and I had just briefly discussed myself 'picking up something' on my way home.
I was paralyzed. My thoughts wouldn't align or connect. I couldn't think of any dinner option we'd ever had. So I couldn't configure a shopping list in my head. I think I stood in the canned vegetable aisle and just stared ahead, trying not to cry.
I ended up sitting on a bench in the middle of the shopping centre trying to write a list on my phone. Eventually I had to call my partner and tell him I wasn't okay and he needed to come get me.
Long story lacking events I know. But this meme made me think. Short of family emergency/death of loved ones, work is the only thing that has placed that kind of stress on me. Even in grief I have a sense of one foot in front of the other for any particular task. But burn out made me immobile. Completely saturated my brain and made it stop working.
Our brains aren't built for that. They shouldn't be.
My wife works a high-stress job. Every day I make sure to tell her to please don't take anything that happens today (at work) too seriously. It's just a day job. I worry about how it's going to affect her in her old age. Some days, after work, you'd swear she's been chased by bear or something.
See my above response. It's honestly not helpful advice sometimes.
Often the only answer is quitting/doing something completely different. And that often isn't possible for people.
Burnout is the death by a thousand cuts. It's not usually "this ONE thing about my job sucks". It's typically "this is due, that is due, this person is a dick, we have a massive project coming up that we're not prepared for, this person isn't contributing enough, etc".
All these little things beat us down, And it's important to figure, which ones you have no control over, and which can you solve. Try to stop worrying about the ones without control and attempt to focus on those that can be fixed. It may not be all of them but it should help.
Oh I work for myself now, this was years ago, I'm a far better employer :)
But be careful with this kind of advice. Some people's jobs require that they do need to worry about things they can't control. Other people, namely. And that's literally the job description.
The addict's prayer or whatever it's called is not applicable to a lot of jobs.
To be fair, there's still an element of what you can/can't control as a people manager. Depending on the job, you can control the training your people get, the cadence of check ins, the deadlines/milestones they're supposed to meet, etc.
You can't directly control the people, and if someone doesn't take any of what you provide re: support for them to do the thing despite your efforts, you can't control that. But in turn, you can control performance improvement plans, 1-on-1s to figure out if there's an underlying problem/cause that can be addressed, or failing all else, elements of the process that eventually show said person the door.
Doesn't mean that all of this isn't stressful as fuck, or that you're not subject to downwards pressure too.
This is all an aside - I'm legit happy you're doing better working for yourself!