Gather round and attend my layoff time tale of woe.

I worked for this company for four years. They fell on hard times and, in place of layoffs, required employees to temporarily give up a portion of their salary on the condition it would be repaid within 2 years with interest, plus increased bonuses proportional with how much you sacrificed. I voluntarily gave up 20% as the company had never had a layoff in its history (no layoffs was part of their alleged culture) and all the old timers gushed about their massive bonuses after downturns like these.

I was given my quarterly review in October and I get a perfect score. I work three weeks, then am badly hurt on the job. It requires fairly major surgery, so I'm out for almost two months.

I literally limp back, probably a little too early. The first day is fine and I'm getting back up to speed. Boss shows appreciation to my dedication as I reasonably could have taken more time to recuperate. I tell her I need to discuss accommodations as I'm still healing. She agrees and sets an appointment for the next morning. Great job HamSandwich, everyone loves you.

I arrive to the accommodation meeting to find the head of HR and my boss. I figure HR is there to help with accomodations. Nope, I'm being terminated. For performance. Huh. I ask about my stellar review. My boss tells me there were issues. I ask about the issues. She is unable to give me any examples. I ask how I was supposed to know I had performance issues when I had a perfect review three work weeks ago and no one can tell me what I've been doing wrong. HR boss bitch pipes in with "Ham, at your seniority level you should just know." Fuck you, boss bitch. Fuck you.

As I'm packing up my things, I realize they cut me one day before my yearly stock shares were to be awarded. Security walks me out and tells me I'm one of many senior level employees being terminated. People are being fired for showing up five minutes late. Upper level admins are walking out in protest. It appears this was the strategy: bank on the company's good reputation to encourage increased voluntary salary cuts, then dump as many high earners as possible if still in a downturn. My boss is a spineless twerp and went along with it. She lies and tells the rest of the department I was terminated for sleeping on the job. Fuck you, boss. Fuck you.

The company had its first round of layoffs a few months later. Those employees also lost the money they gave up. The company's reputation is irreparably harmed and I'm currently suing them for lost wages.