this post was submitted on 28 Jul 2025
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The Internet in Ancient Times
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Welcome to the stone age... or the bronze age... or the iron age... heck, anything with an 'age' is welcome, except our modern age or any ages to come.
This is about what the internet was like thousands of years ago back when it all started. Like when Darius the Great hired mercenaries via Craigslist or when Egypt invented emojis.
CODE OF LAWS
1 - Be civil. No name calling, no fighting, keep your flint hand axes inside your leather pouches at all times.
2 - Keep the AI stuff to a minimum. It gets annoying and old fashioned memes are more fun for everyone.
3 - None of this newfangled modern 21st century nonsense. We don't even know what "21st century" means.
4 - No porn/explicit content. The king is sensitive about these things.
5 - No lemmy.world TOS violations will be tolerated. So there.
6 - There is no ~~rule~~ law 6.
Laws of justice which Hammurabi, the wise king, established. A righteous law, and pious statute did he teach the land. Hammurabi, the protecting king am I. I have not withdrawn myself from the men, whom Bel gave to me, the rule over whom Marduk gave to me, I was not negligent, but I made them a peaceful abiding-place. I expounded all great difficulties, I made the light shine upon them. With the mighty weapons which Zamama and Ishtar entrusted to me, with the keen vision with which Ea endowed me, with the wisdom that Marduk gave me, I have uprooted the enemy above and below (in north and south), subdued the earth, brought prosperity to the land, guaranteed security to the inhabitants in their homes; a disturber was not permitted. The great gods have called me, I am the salvation-bearing shepherd, whose staff is straight, the good shadow that is spread over my city; on my breast I cherish the inhabitants of the land of Sumer and Akkad; in my shelter I have let them repose in peace; in my deep wisdom have I enclosed them. That the strong might not injure the weak, in order to protect the widows and orphans, I have in Babylon the city where Anu and Bel raise high their head, in E-Sagil, the Temple, whose foundations stand firm as heaven and earth, in order to bespeak justice in the land, to settle all disputes, and heal all injuries, set up these my precious words, written upon my memorial stone, before the image of me, as king of righteousness.
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...with weapons? Of course.
Unarmed? Fuck, no.
Unarmed? Absolutely. Humans are uniquely capable harassers. A gorilla would get winded after a short while and overheat not long after. The question isn’t whether the humans win, the question is how many people will die before the people start getting free shots at a barely conscious horizontal ape.
Unless the gorilla is windmill arming and people are just walking into the grinder, it’s always a win.
Last time this made the rounds I asked ChatGPT the question.
Tap for spoiler
In a realistic, unarmed, hand-to-hand fight, 100 average human men would almost certainly lose to a fully grown adult male silverback gorilla — unless they approached it with extreme coordination, strategy, and sacrifice.
Here’s why:
🦍 Gorilla Advantages: Strength: A silverback gorilla is 4 to 9 times stronger than a trained adult male human. It can lift over 1,800 lbs (800+ kg) in some cases. Speed & Reflexes: Gorillas are incredibly fast and agile for their size. They can run up to 20–25 mph (32–40 km/h) in short bursts. Toughness: Their bones are denser, their muscles thicker, and they can absorb more trauma than a human. Killing Power: They can crush limbs, rip faces, and bite with over 1,300 psi of jaw force — enough to crush a coconut or break bone. 👨 Human Limitations: Average Men: Most people are not trained fighters, and many would hesitate or flee. Unarmed: No tools, no weapons, no armor. That means no ranged attacks or serious damage dealers. Space Constraint: In a tight area, humans can’t swarm effectively. The gorilla could focus on one or two at a time. Could They Possibly Win? Technically, yes — in theory — if they:
Coordinated as a team with some willing to sacrifice themselves (i.e., get mauled or killed to restrain the gorilla). Dog-piled it, using sheer weight and numbers to pin it down. Targeted eyes, throat, joints in a sustained assault. Even then, it would result in dozens of human deaths or severe maimings. A rampaging gorilla could instantly incapacitate multiple men with swipes and throws before they even got close.
Verdict: 99.9% of the time, the gorilla wins, unless the 100 men are highly trained, brave, and coordinated. Even then, the casualty rate would be catastrophic. So, unless this is a highly tactical team of Spartans or martial artists, the gorilla reigns supreme.
I ask Todd at the rhe bus stop what he thought and he said he could easily defeat a gorilla single handedly.
Well of course, but the scenario is a 100 unarmed men, not one Todd. That scenario would just be ridiculous.
Here, watch someone who actually knows what the hell they're talking about explain it to you instead of listening to dumbass predictive text machines that literally cannot think it through.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cFf6YowOm7o