this post was submitted on 23 Jul 2025
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I have a strong feeling that the people that say that it is gay to feel attracted by a woman with "male" attributes will also say that it is gay to be attracted by a trans woman. Cognitive dissonance all around.
Yup. Definitely no cognitive dissonance about how a skinny/emotional man is unattractive to them, but the hyper-masculine beefcake is the male worthy of praise and attraction. Nothing gay about that.
I would say it is gay to be attracted to a trans woman. Is this really a spicy take? And for context I do not think it’s gay to be into a muscular woman…
I don't think it's gay or straight. Some bi people are exclusively interested in cis partner. Some bi people are pan. Some trans people are exclusively interested in other trans people. Someone maybe desires cis people and trans men. I think it's a failure of vocabulary, combined with a great deal of emotional charge and taboo.
Now consider my partner, who is non-binary. Traditional labels of sexuality risks misgendering when applied to non-binary people. I find the terms "androphile" and "gynophile" to be pretty useful, since they don't encode the gender of the person having the attraction, but even those are pretty limited.
However, there are fundamentally two kinds of sexuality: queer and repressed.
Agreed.
Sure. There’s a double edged sword to creating new words or terms or reaching further into jargon to communicate your identity. By going this route you end up only being able to communicate to others who understand your jargon, and conversely to your goals communicate less effectively to the average person.
What does this mean?
I might be able to help clear this up for you. Whether or not the take is spicy depends on how transphobic or ignorant the parties involved are, so I'll start by addressing the facts.
If you are a woman, then it is gay to be attracted to a trans woman.
If you are a man, then it is not gay to be attracted to a trans woman.
Regardless of whether you or anyone else is a man, woman, gay, or otherwise, and of whatever physical bits are involved, you are not obligated to be attracted to anyone in particular.
If you are a straight man, and you do not visually perceive the trans woman as appearing consistent with your idea of what a woman should look like, then you are unlikely to be attracted to her.
If you are a straight man who is attracted to a trans woman and feel uncomfortable with or threatened by it, then you are transphobic. This doesn't necessarily mean you hate trans people, it can just mean that you fear being associated with them or having to think about them.
On spiciness:
Hello, I've been getting reports. Let's have everyone lay off deciding who is gay or not. This is a meme discussion, not an expert consultation on who is and isn't gay.
Settle down and see above.
Well, sucking a trans woman's cock is not straight, either. I just slap a "queer" label on everything and call it done.
And who fucking cares if it IS gay. (ie if it feels gay to someone.) That's perfectly okay, too! We don't get to tell people how to be sexually attracted to their partner.
Trans women are women. A man being attracted to a woman is...not gay. They only thing that's gay is being attracted to men.
Not muscular women, not short-haired women, not trans women. Men. M.E.N.
Trans women have dicks. Enjoying dick is a strong indicator you’re gay.
Gay men aren't attracted to trans women. Straight men are.
You’re just out here throwing around generalizations about genders and people’s sexual identities, you should know better. These generalization's and stereotypes are the same feminist women have worked so hard to shirk off.
Your neo stereotype “that sucking dick ain’t gay if she identifies as a woman” is truly something to behold and reveals that you don’t really think about what you’re saying so much as repeat talking points from your ideology.
What is binary thinking a strong indicator for. Well, ChatGPT says: "Binary thinking is most prominently an indication of cognitive distortion, borderline personality disorder, low cognitive flexibility, trauma response, authoritarian ideology, and intolerance of ambiguity."
I'm not sure I'd even call this binary thinking. It's just a fundamental misunderstanding of how the world works.
If some straight guy gets a boner from looking at a trans woman and thinks that he's now gay or bi or something, he should go have sex with a man. I think he'll be able to figure out the difference very quickly.
And yet, he's less straight than he previously imagined he was. You are taking a binary perspective that doesn't allow that.
How so?
So you disagree that I’m not allowed to be attracted to chicks with dicks? Are you that far gone? Imagine the brainrot required to tag in chatgpt into your discussion and quote it like some ancient philosopher. I bet you thought that was checkmate for me and this discussion?
I disagree with your pronouncement that it is definitively gay to suck a trans woman's cock. I also disagree with the prior pronouncement that it is straight.
No, I didn't, I thought it was funny. I thought it would be recognized as a cheap rhetorical tactic. Any other source I had used would have said something similar, and it would still have been a cheap shot.
The real point was just to point out that your thinking is painfully binary. It comes across as being super concerned with knowing where the line between gay and not gay is. Conclusion left to reader.
Ya kid I’m sorry but you don’t get to take the high road after using a chatgpt quote to take a cheap shot ad hominem during a discussion.
Your continual implications that I must be a repressed homosexual if I’m not into sucking every last drop of semen from a trans woman’s nut sac because she identifies as a woman and I’m an ally is …. wait for it… binary thinking.
That's not exactly my implication. Not every homophobe is a closet case. My dad was SUPER concerned with always projecting masculinity and never doing anything that might appear effeminate (for a very broad definition) or especially not gay. I knew my dad was a fragile bigot, and I tried hard to reject his racism and shit. But I didn't understand about sexuality. I didn't understand that when he called me a "foo-fee", he was attacking my sexuality. And a lot of that shit got into me. I too was super concerned with knowing where the line between gay and not gay is.
But I got better.
It's hard to be confronted with your past self embodied in someone else. On one hand, there is still the residual shame of appearing gay. But on the other hand, there is the fierce shame of having cared about that bullshit for so long.
Just let it go.
Ha ha, I just realized. Maybe I was a closet case after all?
I don't know about it being spicy, but I disagree. People are not their genitals.
To clarify further, do you think being attracted to trans men (assuming you're a guy) is gay?
The mental exercise here seems to either go one of two ways for me. Either you just consider gender, or you have a relationship orientation that's separate from physical orientation.
I honestly don't know where I fall on this particular topic. I've known very few trans people at all (at least in person- obviously I've seen tons of them in different movies and shows and YouTube channels), so I haven't really had a chance to figure out how I feel about them for the sake of relationships.
I think either would understand me in different ways (since they either are or were treated as guys).
But if I had to guess, I think I would still prefer trans women to trans men as far as being in a relationship with one.
The one thing I do know is that if I ever did fuck a dude, it would be a trans dude.
But really I'm more concerned with how I feel about the person than I am about their junk. There so much more to a relationship than how fucking works and I'd much rather just be totally in love with the person vs in love with their crotch.
Ya, being with a trans man would be a lot less gay than a trans woman. Confusing, and probably worthy of the label queer but certainly not nearly as gay as actually sucking dick.
I agree being in a relationship with either of them would be confusing but the simple fact is I don’t like dick... I also don’t like pussy with a beard and chest hair, but I’m not in a place where I have to pick.
Hmmm I wanted to say you're adding qualifications to the definition of straight, but I had to check myself and the definitions I found did indeed say "sex", not "gender".
I hadn't ever looked at it before and I thought it meant gender. Maybe I'm more queer than I thought. 🤔
Well, I appreciate you for holding a civil discussion from a position of good faith nonetheless. This is quite rare on the internet and unique among the commenters replying to my original post.
Yeah, I'm trying to work on it specifically.
I haven't seen the other threads (when I first replied, there was at most 1 other reply), but I was ready to drive that meaning at you, but when I went to get the evidence to back it up, the evidence surprisingly didn't favor it.
So I had to go back to the drawing board. Even as far away as the drawing board was. By which I mean my assumed sexuality's definition.