I was doing so good, 10 months of clean pure carnivore. I had amazing results (45kg lost). I didn't have any cravings.
I feel off the wagon 2 weeks ago. It started innocently enough - A friend visiting from out of town wanted to go to a coffee shop and eat. They had pastrami bagels, I got one, scrapped off the meat - didn't eat the bagel. It was good. Really good. I found myself ordering this pastrami bagel to my house. Slowly enough that I didn't realize it, my old carvings came back. I found myself thinking of a deep dish pizza, over and over and over again.
There must have been sugar in the pastrami, I think I got triggered. I got the pizza, rationalizing it - I've been so good, just one cheat will be fine, then back on track. I felt bloated, stuffed, sick even - for the rest of the day. But... the next day, now I REALLY wanted a pizza - Fuck it. Got the pizza, and coffee (oh, did I mention I quit coffee 5 months ago?), and rice krispie treats.
Fast forward a few binge days... I'm feeling both HUNGRY and bloated at the same time. I tell myself I'm in control, I just need to get it out of my system. I fast for one day. I feel back in control. So it's ok to cheat again... pizza again.
During this 2 week orgy of old habits - I ate a bunch of pizza, rice krispies, cookies (that I hated, but still finished). Eventually I stopped feeling bloated, I just felt hungry.
Serious things I noticed
- Constant cravings for old addictions
- Gained 2kg
- eczema came back on my hands
- pimple breakout
- acid reflux while trying to sleep
- old joint problem flared up, with constant pain
- eye floaters came back
- gym performance steady decreased
- gym recovery time went from almost immediate, to 3 days
- sauna endurance plummeted (I could only stand half the time)
- reduced sexual function
So why, why with these bad things, the constant joint pain, the acne, the eczema, the bloating... did I keep going on? When I ate I felt like I could stop it, but every day I told myself the next day. Tomorrow never came. The urges were persistent, just there constantly, I could say no... for a few hours but eventually I pulled the trigger.
8 days ago my friend came over, she has uncontrolled t2d, we both agreed to start getting clean the next day. I tried, she tried, we both couldn't do it... but I lied to her, I said I was being clean (or rather omitting that I had cheated on our pact). and the next day, and the next day.
4 days ago - I finally was able to stay clean all day. I was extremely triggered. Like a degenerate I kept putting food into my delivery app, looking at it, looking at different options - browsing my own food hookup app. I could have a Cannoli, it's been years since I had a cannoli! How about one last rice krispie, some fudge? Looking at my youtube watch history it was dominated by food, food preparation, more food porn. I struggled through it until the pizza place was closed, and I could hold off till the next day
3 days ago - The cravings were diminished, but replaced by a persistent longing - a gossamer hand on my shoulder turning me to old thoughts. It got bad, I almost cracked. Finally I mixed 75g of protein powder as a shake and downed it... Felt bloated, felt painfully full, but the food noise died down enough I could get past that day.
2 days ago - Mostly clean all day, I had the urge but if I kept busy I could ignore it. When I slowed down or had time to myself it came back. I was clean for two days, one last taste to set me up for success... I talked with my friend, we talked about the struggle, getting someone else involved helped.
Continued in comment below -

Continued -
1 day ago / yesterday - Better, but still craving. When the urges hit in the afternoon I got a coffee. I thought I could have one last pizza again (i've been good, 1 in 3 days isn't so bad)... I even convinced myself I would order it. First cook my ground beef, then after that I can order the pizza. Somehow after selecting the pizza, adding my modifications (no tomato sauce), and queueing it up... I ordered groceries for lots of mozzarella instead. I honestly don't know how I did that, I'm very conflicted internally.
Somehow the cheese showed up and I didn't order the pizza that I'd already mentally accepted as ordering.. I gorged myself on cheese, the food noise died down again.
Keto -
This is not the first time I went into ketosis / carnivore. It's the 4th or 5th time. The first time was pure hell, a battle of urges and will. The last 4 days have been tough, but I can compare to the first time and it's nothing like that, but it was intense. I honestly had real trouble breaking out of my bad patterns.
4 days clean - No cheating, no compromises, clean. The food noise is mostly gone, I can THINK of a pizza and not crave it. I think envision a rice krispie and not want it. I think I'm over the hump. 4 day's isn't bad. The first time I did keto it was TWO WEEKS until I had detachment from food noise.
I've been on Carnivore for 10 months, I had a two week relapse, and 4 days to get back to clean.... I think it's fair to say my metabolism is still mostly fat adapted, so this was "easy mode"
I've also extensively educated myself... and I still fell off the wagon. I will say in the last 4 days listening to metabolic lectures did help my reduce the noise and stay on track.
In the last 4 days I've noticed these big changes
I still have the +2kg, eye floaters, and diminished sauna endurance.
I'm an addict. I have a very addictive and dependent personality. I can't say no to a good thing. I'm a person of excess. I HAVE to abstain from carbohydrates - They are TOO good. I can't moderate myself with just a little. I know this about myself, but I have to really KNOW THIS to avoid the small temptations that cause big falls.
I can't control my triggers, but I can control how I react to them.
Why did I post this? I don't know. Self therapy, journaling, getting it off my chest. For the last 4 days I've been dominated by this struggle, it impacted every waking moment. White knuckling this shit is fucking hard.
They really are. You and me seem perfectly built for the last ice age, we could eat every high energy food and get super fat super fast and survive the winter. We're not so well adapted to living in this modern cornucopia, especially with engineered foods specifically tuned to trigger binge eating.
The ice age diet!