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There's a bit of difference between making a mistake and stabbing your partner in the back. He could have done it the right way, but he chose to do one of the most emotional hurtful things you can do.
He betrayed family to get laid
Point number 2. Read it again.
As of why, we can only speculate. Sometimes a disaster is what is required to get things happening that should have been over a long time ago.
They are living together already, so it was not only to get laid.
Exactly. She moved in after. You are absolutely correct. 10/10 reading comprehension.
It would be unusual if she moved in before the ex wife moved out.
Nah, I messed up on that one. I'll say that one.
Whoops. Just another mistake
Staying makes it pretty clear OP is choosing a side. Theyd rather have a cool friend dad than an actual parent
Edit: not only was dad willing to blow up his family to get his dick wet, but he's also cool with abusing his power for said reason
Nah. I'll keep my family values
You can go have fun blowing up a family and chalk it up to "whoops. Just another mistake"
If you are this allergic to nuance, I recommend staying away from threads that require logical/rational breakdowns of heavily-emotional topics.
You can't just jump the gun (having fun blowing up families) about someone just because they answered OOPs question in an impartial manner.
So if you seriously cannot engage with this topic without resuming to attacks, I implore you to take a step back, reasess, and move on to something else.
Not from Kansas. Well traveled and have seen a bunch of relationships. I've seen people get divorced and I've seen infidelity.
I have immeasurably more respect for those that get divorced no matter how hard it is. Breaking the vow through being a cheater is about as low as you can go.
Sorry you don't hold marriage to sanctity it should be
Says the man posting from lemmynsfw. Things in your second marriage must be going super well
If you held marriage to any standard, a man breaking his vows to sleep WITH HIS ASSISTANT should be pretty deplorable. And recommended an atleast young adult to just brush past that like it's just another mistake is insane.
Yeah, just look the other way that he figuratively slapped your mom across the face. Atleast he's cool though
Ah yes, you're one of those who think porn is a sin. Explains a lot about your attitude in the comments here.
Yes, I am judgemental of people who are advocating for not having the back of a noncheating parent.
"Oh she's being mean by saying dont talk to him. How could she"
He literally fucked his assistant behind her back. What he did was 100x as worse. But its ok. He's fun though!
This isn't an airport. You don't need announce your departure
Nah. Im allowed to do whatever I want.
And I want to call out people for excusing an affair. The dad could have done it the right way, like an actual adult. Asking for a divorce is hard, but immeasurably easier emotionally to the person you make a commitment to than sneaking around and finally getting caught WITH YOUR ASSISTANT
No one is excusing an affair. People are merely trying to help OOP navigate an emotionally complex situation: wanting to keep contact with their father despite the circumstances, and wondering if their mother's actions are justifiable or not.
You can do whatever you want, but that does not absolve you of consequences.
I only gave you genuine advice, taking breaks/disengaging is helpful. I cannot force you, ofcourse, there's only so much I can do.
So please consider above, and have a nice day
Hey I know this guy just did one of the most deplorable things a man can do, but just continue having fun with him. It'll be fine.
I'm curious to learn what you think about your username in this context? What crime are you partner in and is it only breaking a partnership that is an unforgivable crime?
Are you a whale, Ross?
Yes. Now your turn, my morally incorruptible dude.
Cool. I also love lying to make a point
Jaywalking. I'll be your partner in jaywalking cause it was made up by the motor industry to pass on pedestrians getting hit onto the pedestrian instead of the driver
To bad you'll never get to experience it though, being your a whale and all
I'm not the one that is making claims of perfection on people. You are. It seems to me you are not living up to your own high standards on others though.
But it is ok. Again, see point 2.
Im not saying people have to be perfect. Cheating with your assistant is faaaar from perfect though.
Get a divorce and move on. To show your kid the right way in life. Dude failed that though. Showed his child that family is nothing. And the child is now supposed to just continue being family with him cause he's fun
They should be having thier mother's back, as they didn't go an do one of the lowest things you can do in a marriage
Yeah, the father made a mistake. You're the one that conflates making a mistake with an oopsie, nobody else has made that equivalence. Mistakes can be big and they can take lots of effort to correct. OP will surely deal with this in their own time and way with all the complex and contradictory and painful thoughts emotions.
But - OP is not an adult when living with their parents. Children or young adults are not adults. They have a dependency on their parents. OP is not responsible for their father. OP should not be required to take responsibility for their father's mistakes. OP is getting caught in the middle of the worst conflict a child can be caught up in and they did nothing to deserve it.
I think what you are doing is projecting high moral ideals into this that are inconsiderate regarding the consequences when OP is asking for help and advice and support. This is the last thing OP needs right now and it is not helping them in any way. OP is in a moment of crisis.
Discuss morality all you want but this is the wrong context for it.
? It was literally point number 3 you made. How people make mistakes and it happens
The OP asked if they should have their mother's back even though it means not having their best friend
Yes. Their best friend stooped to one of the lowest places they can go and now they want to stand by them. If they do, theyre are bad by association and deserve their mother eventually not talking to them either.
Edit: if he's such a best friend, he'll make amends with her even if they choose their mother right now.
That's you reading it that way and others not. Maybe this is your point two playing tricks on you now?
Dude, I don't know if you are consciously cherry picking to win this argument or if any best interest of OP simply does not exist for you.
Regardless, I have no interest in discussing this further with you as it seems to be a self fulfilling purpose disconnected from the original post. I'm out.
Also, you say im cherry picking but you're the one going around saying "read point 2 again" as if your not cherry picking your own commandments
Still ain't an airport. Don't have to announce your departure.
My argument has been the same since the beginning as literally the first comment. Sticking with dad is also choosing the new chick in the mom's eyes. What dad did is deplorable and OP staying with shows their morals and lack of them
There are no 'sides'.
Maybe not in a perfect world. But here there are clearly very opposing sides.
Even if the dad is cool about it and makes it seem like choosing to stay with him isn't picking a side, it still is
My recommendation is not to side with the guy who not only had an affair but invited Ms side peice to live in their old family home
Between an immoral piece of sh and a person who was dedicated and believed they weren't yes there are sides.
Father isn't just committing an act of betrayal, which he does to the person he loves, so op will definitely also be fair game for betrayal, father is also abusing his seat of power over his very young employee which is called coertion or quid pro quo and is UNACCEPTABLE. The fact OP could look into the eyes of a man who would betray him without a second thought is just cope.
Eventually it will sink in how horrific this was and op I am sure being moral themselves hopefully will take moms side.
Normal to go through a period of shock or denial before it sinks in.